Felicity Morse - Give a F**k: A Brief Inventory of Ways in Which You Can

First published in Great Britain in 2018 by
Michael OMara Books Limited
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Tremadoc Road
London SW4 7NQ

Copyright Felicity Morse 2018

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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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ISBN: 978-1-78243-919-6 in hardback print format
ISBN: 978-1-78243-952-3 in ebook format

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CONTENTS

Heres the truth: there are times when being a sensitive, caring human being sucks. This world can be a difficult place to navigate, and if you not only feel all of its pain, but want to change it for the better, then its easy to become overwhelmed; to burn out, or even check out altogether.

Whether were aware of it or not, most of us are engaged in a philosophical struggle as we go about our daily lives. It is a fight I have come to see as a battle of f**ks. Forget to be or not to be in this golden age of interconnected agitation, post-Trump, post-Brexit, with so many overwhelming demands on our attention, the existential question we face is whether or not to give an actual f**k.

Its a question Ive sat with for a long time. Working in news for the best part of the last decade, first as a journalist, then as a social media producer and finally as an editor, my daily diet was once the worlds calamities. There were cheery stories, too, of course, but it is the terrible ones that are burnt on my mind: the distressing images and footage; humanity facing unimaginable pain and conflict. Empathy is unavoidable and exhausting. There comes a point where caring feels just too much.

So I understand if in this battle, youd rather just say F**k it! and withdraw into your own comfortable little sphere, murmuring only a cursory Isnt it terrible? at dinner parties. A life where all you really give a f**k about is reclining on the sofa with a large glass of wine and forgetting about the worlds woes, because what could you do about them anyway?

Perhaps this isnt you, but you know of someone a bit like this, though their f**k it attitude might be dressed a bit differently, in smug pseudo-spiritual garb. Youll identify these folk by their complacent virtue-signalling smile, their faraway look while you try and engage them with the world, only to be advised that letting go or taking life less seriously is the way forward. Its not that Im unaware of the spiritual benefits of surrender; its just that this meditative attitude though wonderful while omming on the mountaintop is not much use to those of us who live down below in the marketplace and are continually aware of the utter state of things. Letting go is only the first part of any process we actually need to pick the important stuff back up again and learn how to care about it so that things move and change.

We are part of this world it affects us and we affect it it is inevitable that we care: it is natural and it is right. Were challenged by the difficulty of how to do this without ending up enrolling as a member of another passionate tribe the worrier cadets a bunch made inactive by the sheer scale of their concern about everything. They arent much fun to be around, and their hyperactive cousins, sometimes admirable project managers, can be equally annoying in their evangelism.

You may or may not recognize yourself among some of these stereotypes. In reality, most of us tend to switch sides fairly regularly, depending on how overwhelmed, irritated or exhausted we feel. Neither way quite fits the demands of modern life, so the majority of us ping-pong between the two, watching our newsfeeds, doing overtime at work and occasionally becoming imbued with a sense of injustice and purpose. Until it all gets too much. Then we become wired and tired and pop off for a lie-down, that glass of wine, or sign up for a yoga class. We become rested and then begin to care again, and so the cycle continues.

At some point, even the cycle itself becomes ennui-inducing, and we slowly disengage altogether, living a smaller, more convenient life. Then we arent even challenged by the discomfort of what to give a f**k about, as everything has been arranged to be wonderfully comfortable. We havent found the answer, so we stop even asking the question, dismissing the activity as worthless.

I have joyfully, miserably, painfully, energetically, exhaustedly tried to live my life in all of these arrangements. I have repeatedly floundered and f**ked up; clawed my way back up to the top of the cliff edge, humiliated but fighting, only to be knocked out by yet another falling boulder (this was an emotional battle Im actually not very athletic). In 2015, I reached rock bottom. There wasnt anything dramatic that took me there. I wish there had been; that would have been a good story to tell. It was just the culmination of a thousand little, emotional mosquito-bites that I finally woke up to and decided that I couldnt live with any more.

Finding myself in this unbearable-seeming spot, I had to do something about it. I did a lot of unhelpful and unhealthy things for some time before I started becoming interested in personal-development programmes, enrolling on a number of courses; a process that led me to become a life coach alongside writing. As part of this, I discovered that in the battle of f**ks, there is a middle way that you can really care about the important stuff without losing your mind.

Youll know if youve met someone who truly cares; just by talking to them you feel inspired, energetic suddenly everything feels charged with possibility. Its contagious. Who wouldnt want to be that type of person?

Honing our ability to be caring and curious honours our time here on earth and gives our lives meaning. It makes the world a better place, too. Being conscious of our own existence, staying present with our experiences, and learning about the world in such a way that it happens for us, not to us, is a transformative process.

Like anything worthwhile, its easier saying it than doing it. But its all about the doing. See, proper caring is actually a practice. Think of it like a muscle. And as with all training, you need to start small to avoid getting whacked. Lots of us are starting too big with our give-a-f**k muscle picking up the 40 kg weight (say, for example, starvation in Africa) and then deciding its too heavy for us because we couldnt pick it up successfully. We become disillusioned.

Or perhaps we soldier on regardless, but ultimately pretty pointlessly. How many people do you know who are campaigning for a cause when you feel their attention would be better directed closer to home?

Many of us have also picked up the habit of only really paying attention to the things we are strongly for or against. We give a lot of thought to the things that we hate or annoy us: that woman who wont shut up at work, or the bus replacement service, or the way our partner always leaves the seat up/down. Then we forget about our lovely colleague who always makes our coffee just right, and the weather is not too bad either and arent the colours of that trees leaves rather beautiful? Conversely, only focusing on things we love makes us avoidant, turning our attention away from our fears, confrontation, anything that threatens us, telling ourselves and people around us that we dont really give a f**k.