William Backus - Telling Each Other the Truth

Telling Each Other the Truth

Copyright 1985

William Backus

Cover design by Eric Walljasper

Ebook edition created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

eISBN 9781585588848

Published by Bethany House Publishers

11400 Hampshire Avenue South

Bloomington, Minnesota 55438

Bethany House Publishers is a division of

Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.

To Candy

You dont need a book to teach you to tell the truth, right?

Thats what Joel thought about himself, too. He believed he was a truthful manwell, for the most part. And he certainly wouldnt have traced his current difficulties to untruthfulness. He knew he was a good doctor, too. Then why was he risking everything? Why was he putting it on the line in exchange for nothing?

He knew he was taking an enormous risk. If arrested he would be ruined. His practice would go down the drain. He might even lose his medical license. Julie would leave himhe knew that for certain. And his family would never recover from the shock and mortification.

Yet Joel continued walking toward the bar. He seemed driven. The familiar pattern of intense pressure from marital disharmony and professional responsibility seemed more than he could bear. Always at such times of stress his mind dangled before him the excitement of the forbiddenand the pressure always persisted until he gave in.

He knew what the end would be, yet he told himself that this time he would not go that far. He would only stop and watch the strippers for a few hours, have a couple of drinks, and then go home. Perhaps that would be enough. It would have to be enough. He had promised God he would clean up his act.

Home. Joel did not allow his mind to dwell on home. How shocked his patients would be if they knew what his life with Julie had been like! Most of his patients viewed him as almost divine. What would they think if they knew he and Julie werent talking, that they seldom got along well enough to sleep in the same bed? What would they think if they knew of the feelings (Were they angry feelings?) he had locked inside himself?

How would Julie react if she knew? He failed to notice a quick thrill of satisfaction at the thought of Julie discovering his secret. It would hurt her, and she deserved to be hurt. But he would never tell. She mustnt find out. Still, he knew dimly that in some curious way he was getting even, taunting her, punishing her, rubbing her nose in her coldness, acting out his anger at her this very moment.

She would never know. She must not find out. For he knew the course he was on would not stop with a couple of drinks and a show. It would end as it had always ended. He would find a prostitute and go home with her. It was his act of communication directed at the Julie he carried in his mind. The real Julie must not know.

Here was communication gone so awry that it never communicated at all! Julie would also never know that he was angry. He wouldnt tell her. He didnt know how. And if he did tell her, she wouldnt know how to answer. So instead of telling each other the truth, this couple had learned to stuff it. And the result was Joels gross, sinful, pathological, guilt-ridden misbehavior. Joel, like most people, did not think he needed to learn how to tell Julie the truth about himself and the needs and feelings he harbored.

Most people who are likely to read this book were taught long ago not to lie. The lesson usually comes early in life. The first time a child makes up a story to avoid parental wrath, he may discover that the penalty for his inventive genius is worse than if he had truthfully admitted his trespass.

If you are fortunate enough to have been reared by parents whose compassion, love, and respect for morality were consistent, you will have acquired the truth habit to the point where you wouldnt dream of lyingin most situations. You will hardly believe you need a book to teach you to speak the truth.

Nonetheless, most people, even most moral peoplelike usslip around the truth without even realizing it. Yes, we have learned the difference between truth and lies. But to an extent we dont fully realize, the culture desensitizes us to falsehood, immunizes us to its evils, simmers us in a broth of untruth, and numbs us to the uncounted lies we hear each day. So we eventually take certain untruths for granted and hear them without amazement or shock.

Someone calculated that each of us tells 200 lies each day! Yet we believe ourselves to be honest, truthful folk. In fact, wed swear to itand chances are, wed be swearing to an untruth. Its so much easier to call in sick than to go to work when relatives we like are visiting. Few people think twice before insisting to the arresting officer that they were not driving as fast as he claims they were. Most errors on tax returns occur in favor of the taxpayer, attesting to our habit of nudging reality in our own direction. The marriage counselor who interviews each partner separately can hardly believe he is hearing about the same relationshipthe two versions vary so sharply.

The consequences of this built-in disregard for truth dog our tracks. Most of the time we barely notice how they underscore human faithlessness. Banks cant cash checks for strangers; stores wont take merchandise returned without a sales slip; TV monitors scan the aisles to catch furtive hands; ushers on guard make sure we dont see two movies for the price of one; in the days when virtue was important, young women learned to be wary of young men with a line; all America knows what a dead bolt lock is; insurance against the dishonesty of others costs us hard-earned resources; dogs, alarm systems, fences, walls, vaults, lockers, safe-deposit boxes, false bottoms, secret pockets, chains, combinations, bars, bolts, padlocks, polygraphs, voice analyzers, bloodhoundsall provide some of the most obvious signs of everyday falsehood.

LIES AND HUMAN MISERY

But the less obvious markers of lies at work need attention. Untruths devastate our plans, corrupt our characters, disrupt our relationships, shred our spirits, and putrify our sweetest daydreams.

We become insensitive to the lies because our daily life has inured us to noise. It comes pouring at us from a hundred loudspeakers during nearly every waking moment. What we hear is often false; worse, we take falsehood for granted.

Falsehoods are sung, shouted and whispered to us. Falsehoods hypnotize and cajole us to buy soap, magazines, tombstones, dish detergent, condominiums, books, fly spray, laxatives, scuba lessons, medical care, beer, vacation cruises, and dating services. But even more insidious, we are sold false ideas ; we are told what to think, and are thus seduced into believing false notions about who we are, what we must have, where we really came from, what life is all about, and how we ought to live. Much that is offered on the idea market consists of lies.

Here is how those lies affect us: Perhaps we are not happy. Ask most of us why we are miserable and we will tell you that the problem lies outside ourselves; or if it lies within ourselves we will blame it on the lack of something within, some attribute which leads to happiness. God, we whine, why dont you just give me that one thing I lack. Then Ill be happy. We imagine our misery exists because God wont loosen up and give a little. It would be so easy for Him! Why doesnt He?