Dr. William Backus - What Your Counselor Never Told You: Seven Secrets Revealed–Conquer the Power of Sin in Your Life

2000 by William Backus

Published by Bethany House Publishers
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Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
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Ebook edition created 2012

Ebook corrections 11.13.2013

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ISBN 978-1-58558-887-9

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from the Revised Standard Version of the Bible. Copyright 1946, 1952, 1971 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations identified KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations identified NIV are from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. The NIV and New International Version trademarks are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

Cover by Kochel Peterson & Associates

To Thomas J. Kiresuk, Ph.D.:

Director, NIH-funded Center for Addiction and

Alternative Medicine Research

Minneapolis Medical Research Foundation;

Chief Clinical Psychologist

Hennepin County Medical Center;

Professor of Clinical Psychology

University of Minnesota Medical School;

Director, Program Evaluation Resource Center

Minneapolis Medical Research Foundation

His lifelong fascination with the Seven Deadly Sins as psychological traits sparked my interest; his knowledge and research skills undergirded my work; without his generous gifts of time and teaching, this book never would have been written.

Acknowledgments

It is my pleasure to acknowledge the valuable assistance of all those who contributed to the development of the Sin Test and to this book about sin and psychopathology.

Thanks are due especially to:

Tom Kiresuk, Ph.D., to whom this book is dedicated, and who helped me in more ways than I can possibly enumerate;

The Wheat Ridge Foundation, whose material support enabled this research;

The Reverend Edward May, Executive Director of the Wheat Ridge Foundation at the time this research was done;

All those students, staff, and patients who willingly served as test subjects;

Milton Rudnick, Th.D., who when the going got rough supplied solace and located numerous student volunteers;

Paul Mauger, Ph.D., Zigrids Stelmachers, Ph.D., and Seymour Gross, Ph.D., for their assistance and encouragement;

Paul Meehl, Ph.D., who taught me trait theory;

Robert Sherman, Ph.D., who supplied statistical consultation and assistance;

Christopher Soderstrom, the editor who worked hard to improve things while supplying enormous amounts of reinforcement along the way;

Gary and Carol Johnson and the many employees at Bethany House Publishers who are so skilled at the care and feeding of authors.

[Poem not included because of rights restrictions.]

Sandy consulted me for treatment of her painful feelings. I dont love my husband. I cant stand living with him any longer! I feel terribly depressed. I think Im going to have some kind of breakdown. Can you help me? Im so upset.

Sandy, can you tell me whats troubling you? I asked.

I really need something for my depression. Im so stressed I can hardly function, especially at home. But I dont want a full-blown psychoanalysis, she added.

She was clearly feeling disturbed, but she also seemed functional. I asked her to go back to the beginning, to recount the history of her distressing situation.

Do we really have to go into the past? I feel terrible now.

I understand, and I know its difficult for you to do this. But I want to help, and I need to learn all about your relationship with your husband if I am to be of assistance to you.

Reluctantly she reviewed the story of her marriage, making it obvious that she was in a hurry to get to the point: She wanted out. It was so awful she couldnt bear it for another day. Shed done her part, but the results she desired hadnt come and she was ready to call it quits.

Sometimes patients want their therapist to give them permission to do things they arent sure are right. Was this Sandys goal? Was I supposed to help her pull the plug and make the break? Would she skip over the positive aspects of the history so that I would tell her what she wanted to hear? I knew that wouldnt be a good idea; instead, I resolved to listen without prejudice. To do so, I needed to slow her down, to encourage her to share details that would shed light on the big picture.

I learned that Sandy and Jason had been high-school sweethearts. She had noticed the boy with the bluest eyes she had ever seen on the first day of her French class, junior year. Did he notice her? She thought he might; most boys did. And more than a few kept noticing; Jason was one of them. When after class the next day he came up beside her as they walked to the lunchroom, she felt a little thrill in the pit of her stomach.

Didnt I see you at the church I visited last Sunday? he asked. Up toward the front on the right side?

Maybe, but I didnt see you. You must have left early.

Yeah, I had to go before the benediction. I wanted to visit my grandma in the hospital, and I had to catch a ride. Shes really sick. The doc says she may not pull through. I love her so much.

It seemed to Sandy that she had never talked to a boy with such a compassionate heart, such a compelling voice. Where has he been? she wondered. He seemed to be more caring than the other boys she had known. She thought about him a long time that day, and she could hardly wait until third period the next morning. She decided they would get to know each other better.

(As Sandy rehearsed all this for me, her expression changed as memories of the time when the flame of love burned brightly came back, and she recaptured momentarily some of the old feelings. Depression? That had been her initial complaint. I kept listening, almost certain that Sandys difficulty was something else.)

Hey! he hailed her.

Hey! she tried to sound casual, tried not to let him see how strongly he attracted her.

Im JasonJason Stabler.

My name is Sandy Sorenson, she replied, happy but not surprised that this model specimen of youth should be interested in her. She really was smitten with Jason. His looks were striking, but what she liked most were his winning charm, his vibrant personality, and his affectionate tenderness. As their relationship grew stronger, she felt that Jason was a boy who would put her needs first, ahead of his own. Even her mom thought he was a dream come true. And she didnt worry about it when her dad complained about his being somewhat lazy, having little ambition, and not showing much interest in what he would do with his life after they graduated in two years. That was just Daddyhe was always a bit critical of the guys she brought home. She was sure Jason had a bright future, and she liked the idea of being alongside him in it. She was certain he would do whatever it took to please her.