Raginia E. Michaels - Unflappable: 6 Steps to Staying Happy, Centered, and Peaceful No Matter What

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book would never have been written without the generosity and kindness of so many friends, family, and colleagues. Here are just a few: Rick and Nadine Shanti, who gave me shelter, love, and support as I struggled to stay present and write from my heart; my oh-so-patient editors at Conari Press, Caroline Pincus, who saw the value in this work and championed it to completion, and Susie Pitzen, who somehow got me all the changes I asked for; Sondra Kornblatt, my writing mentor, whose humor, encouragement, and faith in me and the work kept me laughing through the pain and agony of crafting the perfect sentence; Ambodha and Rhonda Sable, who took care of my dog, Hafiz, when I couldn't take him with me and he had nowhere else to go; Renee Giovarelli and Gary Olmeim, tenaciously dedicated to personal transformation, and willing to share their awakenings along the way; Narayana Granatelli, Valerie Loebs, my sisters, Sue and Mary, and my brother, Ben, all tirelessly gave me encouragement, feedback, love, and acceptance; and all the students and clients who helped me uncover this wisdom by demonstrating their own courage, commitment, and faith in something larger than themselves. And finally, to Osho, and the legion of mystics throughout time who continue to show us the possibility of embodying peace and love. I thank you one and all.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Ragini Elizabeth Michaels is an internationally acclaimed trainer of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and hypnosis and an accomplished Behavioral Change Specialist. Her original work on the Psychology of Paradox has received critical acclaim and taken her throughout America, Canada, Europe, and India presenting workshops and seminars. She is the creator of eight hypnosis/meditation CD's and the author of two previous books on paradox.

Her approach to this book stems from her diverse professional background as well as thirty-five years of exploring meditation and stress release as it relates to living in a paradoxical world. These elements create a unique perspective and style that supports people's desire to blend the wisdom of their spiritual lives into the fabric of their material lives to produce results, a sense of purpose, and more joy and inspiration from daily living.

You can visit her at www.raginimichaels.com.

Dear Reader,

I hope you will accept the wisdom in this book as a gesture of lovefrom my heart to yours. This wisdom helped me find true self-acceptance, peace of mind, and a kind of happiness I never knew existed. In shortmy life finally became workable.

As a counselor and behavioral change specialist, I focus on how to get a new behavior to happenwhether it's eating healthy, saving money, or being more aware. Radically new behaviors require a change in your brain. Unflappable offers this kind of brain-changing perspective. It clears the way to use your capacity for inner peace and a different brand of happiness. Here are some of the ways you'll benefit:

• You'll become more content with where you are, moment to moment, instead of feeling there is someplace else you'd rather be.
• You'll relax and embrace continual change, instead of trying to control and manipulate life.
• You'll know you are on a journey of becoming more aware, moment to moment, instead of comparing yourself to people you believe are enlightened or better than you.
• You'll know how to embrace both the emotional roller-coaster ride of being human and the reflective calm of being divine, instead of being confused about where and how to fit spirituality into your daily life.

Unflappable provides insight, wisdom, and guidance so you can walk on a paradoxical patha path that doesn't assume either your humanity or your divinity is better than the other, a path rich in practical possibilities for creating true happiness, in a better world.

May this wisdom help you find what you're seeking. Enjoy.

In peace and wonder,
Ragini

HAPPINESS FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE

If you're still looking for happiness, you're not alone. An Internet search for it can get you over 100 million results. A search for wisdom will produce about the same. Who would have thought being happy and wise could be so elusive? You'd think by now we'd have absorbed the guidance of the multiple traditions handed down through timespirituality, psychology, philosophy, shamanism, self-development, and even today's Energy Psychology and New Age.

We haven't absorbed it because a fundamental problem makes this guidance less effective than it could be. It's a core confusion that leads us to take sides instead of cooperating to find new ways to make the wisdom practical and accessible.

The essential problem is not the wisdom offered, but how we understand it. Whatever meaning we take away consciously, the unconscious mind consistently interprets the wisdom (regardless of how it's offered) as saying this: the solution to our pain and suffering is to permanently establish the positive and the good by permanently eliminating the negative and the bad. That will bring happiness and joy. This is the crucial issue: our deep misunderstanding of opposites and how to handle them.

I see this with most people who come to work with me. They are intensely engaged in removing anything bad or negative, but they feel overwhelmed with all it entailsand the unsatisfactory results. Emily is an excellent example.

Chasing After Happiness Is What We Humans Do

Emily, a thirty-eight-year-old supermom, had a handsome, loving husband, three pre-teen kids, a nice home, a career in the medical field, and a way to give back through volunteer work at the homeless shelter. She was convinced this was as good as it got and should have been the key to her fulfillment and happiness. Yet when she came to see me, her stress level was off the charts and anxiety was her constant companion.

One day, desperate for relief, Emily flew into my office, gripping her cup of jasmine tea so tightly I thought she would break it. She flopped into her usual chair and began to cry. I try my best, but I just can't keep things under control. I can't keep my husband happy, the kids focused on school, the house clean, and my career on track and stay sane. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. I'm sure I could do it better if I just knew how.

Emily isn't alone. She is one of the thousands of unhappy individuals I've encountered in my work who have had the same complaint: I can't seem to deal with all the choices I have to make every day and be happy. There has to be a better way, doesn't there? My life is driving me crazy!

And it's not just that Emily has the stress of being a working mom. Emily wants not only happiness, but also wisdoma practical way to better manage her responsibilities. She told me she wants to stay calm and make decisions without going in circles, worrying if they're right or wrongdecisions such as whether to

• pick up the kids' clothes or leave them lying around for a day
• cook good organic food for dinner or eat out at a fast-food restaurant
• finish that art project sitting in the garage or put it off for another day to take a seminar for her medical career
• have coffee with her friends or hang out at home by herself

Emily goes in circles because she wants to feel good and pick the right choice to get her there. But she's not aware that all of her decisions, big and small, are deeply influenced by something outside her awareness: her