June Hunt - Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality

The printed version of this eBook is the Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality book, ISBN-13: 9781628621365

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Victimization: Victory Over the Victim Mentality
Copyright 2015 Hope For The Heart
All rights reserved.
Aspire Press, a division of Rose Publishing, Inc.
4733 Torrance Blvd., #259
Torrance, California 90503 USA
www.aspirepress.com

VICTIMIZATION

Victory Over the Victim Mentality

JUNE HUNT

• Shares practical advice and Biblical wisdom from June Hunt, an abuse survivor and Christian counselor who has been helping abuse victims for over 25 years. Her award-winning radio program Hope For The Heart is heard on more than 1,000 radio outlets around the world.
• Walks you step by step through the healing process--from facing your past to facing your present emotions.
• Features practical advice on how to put an end to the effects of victimization, including the low self-esteem, rejection, and sense of powerlessness.
• Covers the 4 stages of forgiveness, including how to forgive yourself and how to forgive those who hurt you.

Dear Friend,

Powerless. Fearful. Broken. Hopeless. Do these words describe you and the way youve always felt deep down inside? If your truthful answer is yes, then this study is for you. Each of these words portray how a victim feels, and rightfully so. But did you know that those feelings can continue long after the abuse has stopped? They can creep into every relationship, encouraging you to forfeit your true feelings for the sake of being a people pleaser. They can shackle you like chains on a prisoner, making you feel trappedlike a victimwhen in fact, you are free. You are a former victim. You have overcome ... or at least you can.

Im going to be very candid with you right from the start. Ive been a victim of abuse and Ive been a victim of the victim mentality. It took a long time for me to accept the fact that I was still living like a victim, but once I did, I was able to find true freedom that no victimizer can steal a freedom that lasts forever.

How clearly I remember the day I realized that I, a grown adult, was still living like a helpless child. It was a number of years ago when a friend of mine called unexpectedly. June, she said. Ive been reading a new book, and I would like for you to listen to this list of characteristics. Think about yourself as I read. She went down the list and, one by one, the characteristics matched me. The author was painting an almost perfect portrait of memy relationships, my working style, even my innermost feelings!

Then my friend revealed the purpose of the list. I didnt want to tell you this at the beginning, but the list has to do with adult children of alcoholics. Though Im not from an alcoholic home, I did fit many of the characteristics. In truth, I was amazed by how many described me to a T . Having had a counseling ministry for years, I knew why. Children with alcoholic parents feel powerless, especially if the drinking leads to abuse.

Even though I did not grow up with an alcoholic parent, I did grow up with someone who made me feel powerless. I felt incredibly helpless around my father, who ran our family like a dictatorand not even a benevolent one! He was an abusive man who caused my family to rally together just to survive against him. Harsh and brutal, my father devastated my sense of self-worth. Even his minor offenses burned deep in my heart.

I recall one time when my sister Helen and I were playing chess on the living room floor. Then my father entered. Quit playing chess! he roared. Its not as scientific as checkers! I knew it wasnt a major thing, but to see him towering over us, making ridiculous demands, made me boil inside. My first thought was: What do you mean checkers is more scientific than chess? Who cares? I was extremely angry, but I couldnt say anything. I knew that whatever he said was right. I felt powerless.

By the time I was a teenager, my fathers verbal and emotional abuse had warped my entire worldview. All my girlfriends were boy crazy, but I wasnt. I remember the day we learned that Ricky Nelson was coming to Dallas to perform at the Cotton Bowl. The announcement aired on the radio when we were all piled in the car. Lets go! Lets go! they cried. I had to work just to put a smile on my face.

Although we didnt end up going, Ill never forget how I felt driving down the road that afternoon. I couldnt understand: Dont you realize how heavy things are in the world? How serious things are? How can you even think about going to a concert? I didnt understand how they could be so happy over something that I thought was so silly. Happiness was not a frame of reference for me. But I never told a soul. For years, I didnt tell anyone about the things that went on in my home.

I found other ways to cope, including avoiding my father. If he came through a door, I hid in the closet. If there wasnt a closet, I hid behind the door. I became a peace-at-all-costs person, even lying to keep my father from getting upset. I worked hard at the things I knew would please him, hoping, just once, to hear, I love you. But I never heard those words ... not from him.

I grew up being fearfuland that fear penetrated my adult life. I was even afraid of friendships. Although I had precious friends who were nothing like my father, I still felt and thought like a victim. I lied about things without reason. I kept my loved ones at arms length. My victim mentality continued to plague me, even when it came to my relationship with Godmy heavenly Father, who had shown His love for me so many, many times before.

Something changed in me that day on the phone with my friend. I realized that I had been trapped, no longer by my father, but by my own refusal to stop living like a victim. I decided then to let God set within me a new perspective, to allow Him to change my victim mentality and ultimately to change my heart and my life.