June Hunt - Verbal and Emotional Abuse

The printed version of this eBook is the Verbal & Emotional Abuse: Victory Over Verbal and Emotional Abuse book, ISBN-13: 9781596366459

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Verbal & Emotional Abuse: Victory Over Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Copyright 2013 Hope For The Heart
All rights reserved.
Published by Aspire Press
An imprint of Hendrickson Publishing Group
Rose Publishing, LLC
P.O. Box 3473
Peabody, Massachusetts 01961-3473 USA
www.HendricksonPublishingGroup.com

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VERBAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Victory Over Verbal and Emotional Abuse

JUNE HUNT

• Helps those in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship to stop the pain of abuse and find restoration.
• Gives wisdom, tips and insight from June Hunt, one of the world's leading biblical counselors whose life's work has yielded landmark contributions in her field.
• Will enrich your relationship with God as June Hunt gives you practical how tos for stopping abuse.

Dear Friend,

When I was a teenager, life at home was painfully turbulent. Unfortunately, I was part of the problem, rather than part of the solution. I remember my mother sensitively saying to me, June, its not what you say, its the way you say it. Oh, how I hated to hear those words, especially since she needed to say them often.

With full sarcasm, I mentally mocked that phrase a half-octave higher: Its not what you say, its the way you say it. Then, one day it clicked. For on that day, I actually heard my disrespectful tone and then I understood.

Slowly I admitted to myself, Thats trueits not what I say, its the way I say it . Actually, I didnt know it at the time, but I was in bondage to bitterness. My seething anger had turned into hatred, yet I felt absolutely justified in my hatred.

The object of my hatred was clearly my father. My teenage heart could not tolerate his verbal and emotional abuse, especially toward my mother. With every harsh word, as she felt more and more devalued, I felt the devastating impact on her heart. She was my Achilles heelshe was my soft spot. Consequently, I became consumed with thinking, How can I protect her? How can I make him stop?

My mindset was logical: Somebody has to let him know how wrong he is! Since no one else seemed willing to step up to the plate, I deduced that it had to be me, by default. Therefore, I used my indirect tactic called, If looks could kill! Of course, all I did was make matters worse. And, horror of horrors, I was becoming like the one I hated!

My only direct confrontation (addressing his adultery) resulted in a severe, painful repercussionI was sent away to boarding school for two months, and then sent away to camp for the summer. Dad said, You are a bad influence on the family.

Numerous times my father told me, After dinner, you are not to be with your mother. All of you children are bad for her. In truth, he was excessively jealous of anyone who would take her away from him for any length of time. Following the dinner meal, we were sent upstairs and forbidden to come back downstairs. Yet, at some point during the course of the evening, Mother would excuse herself with the pretense of going to the restroom. But instead, she would quickly ascend the stairs, making the rounds to all four of us, giving each of us a gentle kiss or a warm embrace, and lightly shower us with soothing words like, Everything will be all right. I love you.

In the midst of her tender touches, however, I felt the heaviness of her heart and the pain of her isolation. On occasion, Mothers eyes would fill with tears, Honey, Im so, so sorry. He doesnt mean to be this way. All we can do is trust the Lord.

Years after my fathers death, as we talked about those earlier years, Mom confided, There was nothing I could do. Just nothing I could do. I didnt counter her because I knew she genuinely felt that way. But is that accurate?

When someone is being verbally or emotionally abusive to you, is there anything you can do? More accurately, is there something you can do in a healthy way that leads to healing? I say Yes , because Ive learned to do it.

You do have choices . You can have boundaries . You can have healing . That is what this book is about. If only I had known the truths within this book years ago, I would have acted in a much healthier way and been saved much heartache.

As you allow Christ to be in control of your mind, your will, and emotions, I pray that by absorbing these truths, you will have healthier relationships and be free and whole within your soul.

Yours in the Lords hope,

VERBAL & EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Victory Over Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Youre worthless! Youll never amount to anything! I wish you had never been born! Words like these in childhood can wound the heart for a lifetime.

And further wounding takes place in adulthood when control is the name of the game. Threats like, If you leave me, Ill hurt the children! or Ive taken the keysyoure not going anywhere! are both emotionally and verbally abusive and are ways of maintaining control in relationships.

Abuse can also be perpetrated without a wordwhether with degrading looks, obscene gestures, or threatening behaviors. These actions inflict immense pain and impede emotional growth. You dont have to allow an abuser to make you feel worthless. Jesus says that God not only knows each and every sparrow, but He also knows you intimately and considers you to be of great worth.

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Dont be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:67)

Emotional abuse is the unseen fallout of all other forms of abuse: physical, mental, verbal, sexual, and even spiritual abuse. People often minimize the importance of emotions. Yet with deeply wounded people, their feelings can be the driving force behind their choices, the life-sustaining element of their very beings. Emotional abuse strikes at the very core of who we are, crushing our confidence, wearing away our sense of worth, crushing our spirit. The Bible says,

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)