Michelle Borquez - Abuse to Favor

The printed version of this eBook is the Abuse to Favor book, ISBN-13: 9781596366213

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, posted on the Internet, or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are those of the authors and do not necessarily express the views of Aspire Press, nor is this book intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment or professional counseling.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica TM . Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Abuse to Favor
Copyright 2013 God Crazy/Bella Publishing
Aspire Press, a division of Rose Publishing, Inc.
4733 Torrance Blvd., #259
Torrance, California 90503 USA
www.aspirepress.com

Abuse

to

Favor

Jo Ann Aleman

Sharon Kay Ball

The Freedom Series

Created by Michelle Borquez

• Gives practical and biblical advice on how to heal and overcome the lingering effects of abusewhether psychological, verbal, emotional, and/or physical abuse.
• Shares the true story of Jo Ann Aleman, who after experiencing one abusive relationship after another finally found hope and freedom in Christ.
• Includes a Bible Study by Paige Henderson that helps diagnose why women often stay in abusive relationshipsdeceptionand how to recognize and stop the abuse cycle. Contains questions and Scripture passages along with space to journal.

Jo Ann Aleman grew up in a violently abusive home. Despite promises to herself to break the cycle of abuse, she found herself seeking out relationships that continued that abuseuntil she discovered the truth of Gods Word and his will for her life.

Sharon Kay Ball is a licensed professional counselor and a mother to three children. In addition to her private practice, Sharon is a staff counselor at her church. Her own personal experience with suffering, the daily grind of single parenting, and counseling her clients has given Sharon tremendous compassion and insight for those dealing with lifes tragedies and trials.

Chapter 1

By Jo Ann Aleman

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Viktor Frankl

As children we dream about who we want to be, what we want to have, and how we will live our lives when we grow up. For me, my dreams were shaped out of a childhood that was fenced in by fear. Although abuse was my familys normal and my mommas normal, my little heart knew it wasnt normal at all. Even though we are all somewhat conditioned by our environment, something deep inside of us reveals the truth. I knew that the things my little eyes saw at home were not what most kids were exposed to in their homes.

There were many nights I would lie awake uttering what I believed were prayers to God for change, only to discover later in life that I had actually been making commitments or promises to myself: I will never live like this when I grow up. I will never let a man treat me this way. I will never depend on anyone else to take care of me. I settled in my heart that I would be different. Yet my heart cried out for someone to sweep in and rescue me from all that I knew. The image I had of the perfect life did not include abuse of any kind. I would find my Prince Charming, someone who would love me and love the Lord, someone who would protect me and never hurt me or the family we would have. Little did I know that what I truly needed was not Prince Charming, but the King of Kings. It would take many years of heartache before I would finally leave abuse behind and realize that I have the favor of my true Savior.

Although my father was loving to his children and an incredible provider, he was also, at times, very abusive to my mom. Consequently, our weekends consisted of fear. Our home life changed drastically as the weekend approached. My father never came straight home after work on Friday nights. He would stop at the local bar to shoot a few games of pool and drink until he could barely drive. Once he arrived home, our hearts would pound with fear as the screaming and abuse would begin. As soon as he passed out, my mom had us quickly gather our clothesjust enough for the nightand we would escape the environment of rage before my father woke up. My childhood involved us leaving our home most weekends, sometimes for a few days, sometimes much longer. My mother always intended to leave my father for good, but with five children, she found imposing on her family members hard. In an attempt for some normalcy while away, she would enroll us in a new school, only to withdraw us and go back home when my father promised once again that life would be better. Unfortunately, the abusive cycle of chaos would continue for many years.

Our hearts would pound with fear.

In spite of her being abused, my mother was determined to keep her family intact. She was faithful to her own childhood commitments. As a little girl, my sweet momma had uttered prayers of her own, not realizing that those prayers were promises born out of her own abusive childhood. My mother suffered greatly at the hands of a very cruel stepfather who physically, mentally, and emotionally abused her and her siblings until they became old enough to stand up for themselves. She had promised herself that she would never allow her children to grow up with a stepfather, so she kept her marriage vows to my daddy and remained in the home. We didnt have a stepfather, yet she did not escape the pattern of abuse that had been set for her.

My image of how a man treats a woman and how a woman responds to that treatment was formed by what I saw in my parents. I didnt like it, and my heart knew something was wrong, but abuse was my normal. Despite my childhood dreams, the abuse set the stage for me to be destined for heartache. Many times we think of abuse as being only physical; however, abuse takes on many forms. Sexual abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuseeven neglectare all perversions of real, unconditional love. But they are sometimes hard to recognize. The victim of abuse is inclined to excuse the abuser because of love for the abuser. A child, even one not being physically abused, is still scarred by the experience of watching a loved one being abused. Although it would take years to surface, for me the damage had been done.

When I grew up and started searching for my Prince Charming, the lasting effects of my parents abuse cycle would take center stage in my own life. Without thinking about the consequences, I married for the first time at the tender age of seventeen. We were very young and from very different cultures. But everything appeared to be just as I had always pictured it in my dreams: a man who loved me, who loved God, and a family who was involved in ministry. Alas, this perfect equation included me! I was free on the surface, yet broken and deeply wounded inside. I so desperately longed for someone to rescue me that I jumped on the first train to freedom.