Michelle Borquez - Abandonment to Forgiveness

The printed version of this eBook is the Abandonment to Forgiveness pamphlet, ISBN-13: 9781596366251

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The views and opinions expressed in this book are those of the authors and do not necessarily express the views of Aspire Press, nor is this book intended to be a substitute for mental health treatment or professional counseling.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scriptures marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Use by permission. All rights reserved.

Abandonment to Forgiveness
Copyright 2013 God Crazy/Bella Publishing
Aspire Press, a division of Rose Publishing, Inc.
4733 Torrance Blvd., #259
Torrance, California 90503 USA
www.aspirepress.com

Abandonment

to

Forgiveness

Michelle Moore

Paige Henderson

Sharon Kay Ball

The Freedom Series

Created by Michelle Borquez

• Gives practical and biblical advice from licensed counselor Sharon Kay Ball on how to work through the steps of grief and how to find hope again.
• Shares the true story of Michelle Moore, who having been abandoned by her mother when she was young eventually found healing in Christ.
• Includes a Bible study by Paige Henderson that highlights God's loving promises to all who suffer from fear and insecurity. Contains questions and Scripture passages along with space to journal.

Michelle Moore was abandoned by her parents as a young teen. She carried that bitterness like an abscess for many years. When she finally faced the pain and turned to the God who will never leave, she began a journey toward mercy, forgiveness, and healing.

Paige Henderson is sought after nationally and internationally as a speaker who loves unlocking the passion in the hearts of women. Paige and her husband, Richard, founded Fellowship of the Sword Ministries [www.fellowshipofthesword.com].

Sharon Kay Ball is a licensed professional counselor and a mother to three children. In addition to her private practice, Sharon is a staff counselor at her church. Her own personal experience with suffering, the daily grind of single parenting, and counseling her clients has given Sharon tremendous compassion and insight for those dealing with lifes tragedies and trials.

Chapter 1

By Michelle Moore

And forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who is indebted to us.
Luke 11:4 (NKJV)

When I was fourteen, my mother changed her identity and then left me. For nearly eighteen years I didnt know if she was dead or alive. This abandonment was the most painful thing that ever happened to me, and it left its mark for many years. Immediately after my mom left, I became a shell of the girl I had been before. Wracked by pain, fear, and emptiness, I did not recognize my life at all. My mother and I had been so close. She and my dad were divorced, and Mom was my best friend. Then she left me. I couldnt call her. I couldnt write. I had no idea where she had gone or why.

My self-esteem plummeted

I would lie in bed and say to myself, Just how awful am I? Even the mothers of murderers and rapists visit their children in prison. My mother left me. Just up and left. How awful must I really be? I would ponder over and over what I had done that could have been so bad, and I blamed myself for her decision. My self-esteem plummeted and all sorts of insecurities reared their ugly heads with a vengeance. My father wasnt much help either. After my mother left, my grandfather asked me to wait one month before I contacted my father. By the time that month had passed, I had already been sent to live with an aunt and uncle in another city. It was clear to me very quickly that their home was not a place I wished to remain. However, when I asked my father if I could live with him, he responded with talk of his having a new family now (referring to my stepmother and their three-month-old baby). He asked if I could just stay where I was. My own parents didnt want me. My aunt and uncle thought of me as a burden. How could anyone else want me?

Abandonment is ugly. I couldnt put that event in the back of my mind and act like it didnt matter. I could not pretend that it had never happened. After all, there were so many constant reminders of what I was missingMothers Day, family holidays. My friends had mothers. Moms were everywhere, except for mine.

The people around me could not understand or relate to the deep pain I carried. On the outside, I looked perfectly fine. On the inside, I was crying out for help. My feeling that no one understood what I was going through left me isolated and alone. I could be in a room filled with people and feel like I was the loneliest person in the world.

During the eighteen years that my mother was gone, I struggled to make sense of her absence. Eventually, I began to build my own life without her. I grew up, but every achievement, every milestone in my life, carried a dark cloud because my mother wasnt there to witness it. My high school graduation, my wedding, even the births of my children were tainted by the absence that had become more like an abscess in my heart. When my youngest son Carson was born, I criednot tears of joy for his arrival, but of despair because I wished my mother was there with me. Because she had simply disappeared from my life, I had no closure. The not knowing brought on fear, worry, and grief that words cannot fully describe. The void in my life and hole in my heart remained a festering wound.

I wished my mother was there with me.

I spent many years searching for the love, value, and hope I did not get from my mother and father. I tried to find value and worth at home, but they were not there. I thought I could find them in business. However, regardless of the successes, accolades, money, and material possessions I earned, I still couldnt find or replace what had been missing in my earlier years.

One night, like so many others, I found myself crying inconsolably to my husband about the injustices and hurts from my childhood and the pain of my parents abandonment. Meanwhile our own children played in the next room. When I realized what I was doing, I felt convicted. I was ashamed. I was crying about the past while my loving husband, our adorable children, and I were safe and healthy in our beautiful home. I couldnt help but wonder how many mothers pray for healthy children every day, or pray for loving husbands, or wish they had a safe place to live. Here I was, letting life pass me by, not enjoying the blessings that the Lord had given me. Still, I hurt. I cried. I couldnt get past my past.

That night, as I cried, everything came to a head. I finally realized that the reason my pain wouldnt heal was because I had not forgiven my parents. I was still carrying the weight because I had not let go. Finally, I was forced to face my past. I had to confront the pain in order for healing to happen.

That was the first step in my healing. I began to understand that God was with me at all times, and that he was not going to leave me like my parents had. They may have abandoned me, but God never had. He was different. Upon realizing this fact, things began to change. For so long I had felt like I was a puzzle with pieces missing. But now, slowly, I was finding those pieces and putting each into their place. As my relationship grew with the Lord, my parents shortcomings didnt matter so much. It wasnt the end of the world, as it had always felt like to me.