June Hunt - Codependency

The printed version of this eBook is the Codependency: Balancing an Unbalanced Relationship book, ISBN-13: 9781596366510

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Codependency: Balancing an Unbalanced Relationship
Copyright 2013 Hope For The Heart
All rights reserved.
Aspire Press, an imprint of Hendrickson Publishing Group
P.O. Box 3473
Peabody, Massachusetts 019613473 USA
www.HendricksonPublishingGroup.com

CODEPENDENCY

Balancing an Unbalanced Relationship

JUNE HUNT

• Gives you tools to break free from relationship addictions.
• Gives wisdom, tips and insight from June Hunt, one of the world's leading biblical counselors whose life's work has yielded landmark contributions in her field.
• Points to Gods plan for youa life without manipulation or control from someone elsefreedom in who you are!

Dear friend,

I hate to admit it. I wish it werent true. But I know what its like to have been a closet codependent. (Actually, those closest to me knew it, even if they didnt know the word codependent .)

In my heart of hearts, I know what its like to compromise my conscience in order to comply , to be a peace-at-any-price person in order to appease , to put up with chaos in order to avoid conflict . Although I myself had not heard of codependency, I found myself in an exhilarating, yet fearful relationship, full of highs and lowsin a roller-coaster relationship with continual ups and downs, but I did not know how to get off the ride!

In truth, even though I knew something in the relationship was wrong and something needed to change, I was desperately needy of connection and deathly fearful of rejection. When my friend would threaten to leave, I would beg, plead, and promise whatever was necessary in a desperate attempt to stay connected. My immense fear of being abandoned led me into a long season of insecurity. At that time, I viewed my loyalty as noble. Today, I see my loyalty as excessive. By prioritizing exclusive loyalty to a person, I relinquished my highest loyalty to the Lord.

Sadly, I didnt know that these high/low swings were not normal. After all, that destructive dynamic was part of my normal the normal, volatile relationship I witnessed between my parents. Because Dad had threatened to put Mother in a mental institution, each day when I came home from school, I never knew whether she would be at home or sent away. Dad would often say to me, Your mother is mentally ill today. Every time he said those words my blood would boil . The problem was this: I knew he had the money and the power to pay off a psychiatrist ! Fortunately, every psychiatrist who evaluated Mother told him that she was not mentally ill. But his continued efforts petrified both Mother and me and left both of us terribly insecure. Such is the breeding ground for codependency.

Loyalty to my mother became the highest priority in my life. Even if it meant lying, I had to protect her. I had a never-spoken commitment: If we are both thrown out of the house, I will sweep streets (literally) to pay for a little apartment and buy enough food to keep us alive. Somehow, I would take care of Mother. Ultimately, I felt responsible for her welfare, and it was do or die. (I would do it or die.) In truth, we had a role reversal.

Later, when I became an adult, I found myself having excessive loyalty excessive because my highest loyalty was to a person, not to the Lord. I was controlled more by my fear in a friendship than by my faith in Christ. Without even knowing it, I had let a person take the place that the Lord alone should have had.

To move away from that codependent dynamic was more difficult than I ever imagined, and it took longer than I ever dreamed, but oh, was it worth the effortand the pain.

What indescribable peace when we learn that our security is in the Lord and when our own relationships are right in Gods sight! I know, because today I am truly free.

If youve ever struggled with loving a person more than God, this book is for you. Through its pages, youll discover how to get out from underneath the trapped feeling that has plagued you for so long. Youll learn never to settle for what looks good, but always to choose what is best. And as you go, you will have my sincere prayer that the Lord will create in you an undivided heart with complete dependence on Hima new heart to set you free to live without feara pure heart for you to become the person He created you to be.

Yours in the Lords hope,

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

CODEPENDENCY

Balancing an Unbalanced Relationship

When God gave us His Ten Commandments, He began with these words, You shall have no other gods before me (Exodus 20:3). He knew that if we would make our relationship with Him our top priority, He would bless our lives, and, through our other relationships, we would be a blessing to others.

The primary problem with codependency is that it violates the heart of Gods first commandment. In a codependent relationship, you allow someone else to take the place that God alone should have in your heart. You allow another person to be your god. If you have a misplaced dependency , you will have neither peace with God nor the peace of God . But if you put the Lord first, living each day dependent on Him , you will have Gods peace, even when others are not peaceful toward you. This is one reason God says to us...

You shall have no other gods before me. (Exodus 20:3)

Imagine that you have been handpicked by God to impact all the people around you. You have been chosen to be the liberator throughout the land, chosen to have the respect of all the people, chosen as the highest judge over the entire nation. God has even spelled out the specifics you must do in order to protect your power and safeguard your strength. Soon, the awesome stories of your success spread like wildfire. Then, in walks Delilah!

You know you are not to reveal the secret of your strength, because God has said, Dont tell. Yet you feel torn. You want to please God, but you also want to please Delilah, who has asked you to disclose the source of your strength. You try to resist, but the more you do, the more she cries and begs, prods, and pleads. Now you find yourself in the Delilah Dilemma . As you try to take care of her feelings, you cave in to her manipulation.

Finally, you confide that your strength is in your obedience to God in never, ever cutting your hair. Big mistakea big mistake that leads to unimagined misery! Delilah tells the enemy Philistines, and they cut your hair and take you captive. However, your biggest mistake is not what you said , but what you didyou let Delilah be your god instead of letting God be your God. (See Judges 1316.)