Lancer - Codependency For Dummies

Codependency For Dummies, 2nd Edition

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Copyright 2015 by John Wiley & Sons, Inc., Hoboken, New Jersey

Published simultaneously in Canada

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2014951024

ISBN 978-1-118-98208-2 (pbk); ISBN 978-1-118- 98209-9 (ebk); ISBN 978-1-118- 98210-5 (ebk)

1. Table of Contents

If youre reading this book because you wonder whether you may be codependent, youre not alone. Some think the majority of Americans are codependent. The term codependency has been used since the 1970s. The newer perspective is that codependency applies to many more people than originally thought. Different types of people and personalities may be codependent or behave in a codependent manner. Codependence varies in degree and severity. Not all codependents are unhappy, while others live in pain or quiet desperation. Here are examples of people who may be codependent:

• An older couple, Manny and Faye are happily married for many years. Faye calls Manny Daddy, and Manny calls Faye Mother. Faye defers to her husband, who frequently corrects her. They agree about most everything and that Manny comes first. If you ask Faye her opinion, she quotes her husband.
• Sid and Ina have lived together for several years, but their relationship lacks passion and intimacy. Sid is having an affair with Myra and is unsure about marrying Ina, whom he claims lacks Myras wildness. He feels trapped. He cant commit to either woman. He fears both leaving and getting closer to Ina.
• Sean is a compulsive overeater. His wife, Sonja, nags him and tries to control his food intake.
• Melissa is an accomplished film director. Men find her attractive, and shes had several intense, brief relationships that end when the passion subsides or she begins to feel like shes losing her independence.
• Budd is a senior executive at a major corporation and supervises more than 100 workers. Hes considered powerful and assertive by his colleagues. At home, he complies with his wifes demands, avoids intimacy, and is unable to talk about feelings or express his needs.
• Thomas is a single dad and very close with his adult son, who lives with him. Thomas thinks of his son as his best friend and cant say no to whatever his son asks of him. Its been many years since Thomass divorce, but Thomas hasnt been able to find the right woman.
• Walter is successful at work but gets drunk at home each night. Nights when he goes out, his wife waits up and worries, then berates him when he returns, and often calls in sick for him the next day.
• Connie is intimidated by her violent husband, Mikhail. Shes humiliated but loves him anyway. He apologizes and romances her, and she forgives him, believing his promises that hell never hit her again.

Codependents are attracted to codependents, so theres little chance of having a healthy relationship. The good news is the symptoms of codependency are reversible. It requires commitment, work, and support. Even so, sometimes the symptoms can sneak up on you and affect your thinking and behavior when you least notice it. Codependency isnt something you heal from and are forever done with, but you can one day enjoy yourself, your life, and your relationships. Should you choose to embark on recovery, youre beginning an exciting and empowering journey. A new way of living and seeing the world opens up. I hope you decide to join me on this amazing journey.