Dr. Laurel Shaler - Relational Reset: Unlearning the Habits that Hold You Back

Relational Reset is such a sound, practical book. If youre struggling in your relationships to tell the truth or create good boundaries, or if you battle unmet expectations, you will find solace, wisdom, and biblical advice in the pages of this helpful resource.

MARY DEMUTH

Author of The Seven Deadly Friendships: How to Heal When Painful Relationships Eat Away at Your Joy

Do you find yourself easily offended, fearful, disappointed, or envious? If you need a grace-and-truth-filled emotional makeover, Dr. Laurel is in! Her conversational style is winsome and her words are wise. Apply this book to your life and find out for yourself that positive change is possible, even in your most challenging relationships.

ARLENE PELLICANE

Speaker and author of Calm, Cool, and Connected: 5 Digital Habits for a More Balanced Life

2019 by
LAUREL SHALER

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked AMPC are taken from the Amplified Bible (AMPC), Copyright 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org.

All italics shown in Scripture quotations have been placed by the author for emphasis.

Edited by Amanda Cleary Eastep
Author photo: Ashley Lawton
Interior design: Ragont Design
Cover design: Stephen Vosloo
Cover illustration of refresh icon copyright (c) 2018 by blankstock / Adobe Stock (165541068). All rights reserved.

Published in association with the literary agency of the Hartline Literary Agency, 123 Queenston Drive, Pittsburg, PA 15235.

All websites and phone numbers listed herein are accurate at the time of publication but may change in the future or cease to exist. The listing of website references and resources does not imply publisher endorsement of the sites entire contents. Groups and organizations are listed for informational purposes, and listing does not imply publisher endorsement of their activities.

This book is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional, but as a sharing of knowledge and information from the research and experience of the author. You are advised and encouraged to consult with your health care professional in all matters relating to your health and the health of your family. The publisher and author disclaim any liability arising directly or indirectly from the use of this book.

Names and details of some stories have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Shaler, Laurel, author.

Title: Relational reset : unlearning the habits that hold you back / Dr. Laurel Shaler.

Description: Chicago : Moody Publishers, 2019. | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018042643 (print) | LCCN 2018056250 (ebook) | ISBN 9780802497475 (ebook) | ISBN 9780802418722

Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal relations--Religious aspects--Christianity. | Habit-breaking--Religious aspects--Christianity.

Classification: LCC BV4597.52 (ebook) | LCC BV4597.52 .S535 2019 (print) | DDC 248.4--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018042643

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To my loving husband, Nick. Marriage is a beautiful symbol of the relationship between Jesus Christ, the Groom, and His Church, the bride. Thank you, Nick, for modeling this relationship so well. Our wedding verse becomes truer every day: And the two will become one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31) Words cannot describe how much I love you.

And to our precious daughter, Anna Jean. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, dear child. May your relationship with God be the one you pursue most of all. But know too how much your mama loves you. Ill never get over my thankfulness to God for His indescribable gift. You, my daughter.

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Your basic need in life is for relationship.

HENRY CLOUD and JOHN TOWNSEND

A s youre walking down the hallway at work, your coworker and friend idles past you. Instead of greeting you or even looking at you, she keeps her eyes laser-focused forward. You look tentatively at her, but dont make a sound because its obvious she is ignoring you. You sigh and think: What is her problem? You run through just about all the possible explanations, becoming more insecure and defensive as the day passes. You decide if she is going to snub you, you are going to snub her right back.

You crawl into bed exhausted after another long and busy day. Your best friend has you all upset. Her comment at lunch that you could lose weight if you really tried hurt your feelings. You were so surprised by her words that you reacted harshly, retorting that the same was true for her. The two of you pushed food around your plates for a few more minutes in silence before quickly saying your goodbyes and heading off in opposite directions. Youre still hurt by her comment, but also feeling guilty for your response. You cry as you lament that you just dont know what to do to repair the relationship. You want to apologize, but think,