Nora Fahlberg - Finding Your Inner Warrior: A Guide for the Hesitant Woman in the Wake of MeToo

2019 Nora Fahlberg

Finding Your Inner Warrior

A Guide for the Hesitant Woman in the Wake of MeToo

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This book is presented solely for motivational and educational purposes. No warranties or guarantees are expressed or implied by authors choice to include any of the content in this volume, as results may vary. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been caused, directly or indirectly, by the information or program contained herein.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019916891

ISBN 978-1-400329281 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-400329298 (Hardbound)

ISBN 978-1-400329304 (eBook)

Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

I am so grateful for the people who have helped make this book happen. My transition from doormat to dauntless was long and slow, until three amazing people arrived in my life, one after the other.

The first is Ms. Janis Ware, an extraordinary entrepreneur and a wise, insightful person whom Im honored to call a friend. She is one of those natural, warrior womenconfident, assertiveeverything I wanted to be. If every woman had a friend like Janis, the world would be a better place for both women and children.

Janis also introduced me to Dr. Viktor Bouquette, a brilliant, compassionate physician who also happens to be a magnificent warrior, trained in martial arts. His counsel was priceless. He took the assertiveness that I learned from Janis and grew my inner fighting spirit, so that I could tap into my warrior self when needed. Dr. Bouquette is another friend for whom Ill be eternally grateful.

The third is Reuben Goodgion, whom I dated for several years. He weathered the storm of my repressed anger, took Hagganah with me, and allowed me to beat on him (literally) as I learned to deal with emotions I had suppressed for so long. You can see Reuben taking a beating (and trying not to smile) in the photos in this book. Yet again, Im so honored to have such a loyal, supportive friend.

Then, my new friends and creative team, Sean Waters, photographer and graphic wizard, and his partner, Sarah Birdsong, my website designer. Without them and their considerable talent, support, and patience, I would have been lost when I took on this project.

My developmental editor, Krista Hill, helped me polish this work and guided me through the publishing process. I am so lucky to have found her. Last but not least, my brilliant husband, Gendo, whose generosity and support made this project possible.

O nce upon a time, I was a nice, quiet, sweet girl who tried to get along with everyone. As such, I had no idea what to do when, in my early teens, men began to harass and grope me. These incidents left me feeling grossed out, confused, and frustrated.

Hoping that men would eventually leave me alone or that someone would stand up for me didnt work very well. Actually, it didnt work at all. There werent many options to change my predicament. I couldnt control mens behavior and I couldnt change the system. The only thing I could do was take charge of myself. Ultimately, I chose to recreate myself: to become more confident, more assertivetougher.

It was a slow process that took far too long. Although I witnessed a few women calling out bad behavior here and there, I had no consistent role models. All of the girls and women I knew were passive like me. I read dozens of self-help books in an effort to discover the tools for my transformation. Little by little, over many years, I found the information I needed to start making changes. This guidebook contains all the things I wished someone had told me, or that I could have found in one source a long time ago.

The consent movement helped champion the idea that we shouldnt touch others without permission. As children, many of us were taught to keep our hands to ourselves; to me, this felt like we, as a society, were reinforcing this concept for those who didnt quite get the message. Then, #MeToo gave people an outlet to come forward and raise awareness about how prevalent harassment, assault, and rape are in our culture. Victims need forums for discussion and support, and more resources are now available.

Unfortunately, follow-up studies show that, for most women, not much has changed. Statistics say that approximately eighty percent of us have been harassed and that twenty-five percent of women will be assaulted in their lifetimes. I suspect its higher than that. Many women told me stories that they had never reported. Some had never told anyonenot their husbands, boyfriends or family. And why would they? First, we know that we might not be believed. Then, we will likely be subjected to questions of what we did or didnt do that allowed the incident to happen.

During the summer of #MeToo, my friends shared their stories. One woman in her mid-twenties spoke of a job where one guy constantly grabbed and groped the female employees, using the common ploy of laughing it off as a joke. Another devout Christian southern lady in her seventies spoke of how, in her sixties, she had two separate incidents where men created excuses to reach down her shirt. Modest dress and age do not necessarily protect us.

Yet another woman had her booty slapped twice in once month: once by a stranger while she was bending over a dairy case at a store, and again by a friend of a guy she was dating. Her girlfriend asked her boyfriend when the woman could expect an apology from the friend. He replied that his friend had already apologizedto him. Not to the person he had assaulted, but to the man whose property he had violated! Upon hearing this, I was livid. I began sharing with her the strategies that would become this book.

Like many people who find their way into healthcare, especially fields of bodywork, Ive always been the type of person in whom people felt they could confide. As a result, I heard stories of harassment and assault from friends, colleagues, and even strangers for years, beginning in high school. In addition to my own experiences, which Ill get to soon, I spent decades in healthcare, listening to hundreds of womens stories. I am a Chiropractic Physician, which might seem random and unrelated to this guidebook, except that it gave me the opportunity to be there for women who needed someone to hear them. When you put your hands on people to ease their pain, they often come to trust you with highly personal information.