Copyright 2020 by Jessica Valenti and Jaclyn Friedman
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First edition: January 2020
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Valenti, Jessica, author. | Friedman, Jaclyn, author.
Title: Believe me: how trusting women can change the world / Jessica Valenti and Jaclyn Friedman.
Description: 1st Edition. | New York: Seal Press, [2019] | Includes bibliographical references.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019013503 (print) | LCCN 2019981109 (e-book) | ISBN 9781580058797 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781580058780 (e-book)
Subjects: LCSH: Sexism. | Sexual harassment of women. | Feminism.
Classification: LCC HQ1237 .V345 2019 (print) | LCC HQ1237 (e-book) | DDC 305.42dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019013503
LC e-book record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019981109
ISBNs: 978-1-58005-879-7 (hardcover), 978-1-58005-878-0 (e-book)
E3-20191219-JV-NF-ORI
Contents
Our Word Alone
J ESSICA V ALENTI
How Bertha Pappenheim Cured Herself
M OIRA D ONEGAN
Gossip Is an English Word
500+ Years of #MeToo in Indian Country
S ARAH D EER & B ONNIE C LAIRMONT
The Room Where It Happened
D AHLIA L ITHWICK
Listening Will Never Be Enough
K ATHERINE C ROSS
Hes Unmarked, Shes Marked
J ULIA S ERANO
Believe Me Means Believing That Black Women Are People
S ORAYA N ADIA M C D ONALD
We Belong Everywhere
C ONGRESSWOMAN A YANNA P RESSLEY
Nowhere Left to Go
Misogyny and Belief on the Left
S ADY D OYLE
Constructing the Future
The Believe Me Internet
S ORAYA C HEMALY
Yeah, You Like That, Dont You?
The Unnecessary Pleasures of Sexual Labor
T INA H ORN
Can BDSM Save Us?
Centering Enthusiastic Consent in Queer Worlds
S ASSAFRAS L OWREY
Clocked
M ATT L UBCHANSKY
Do Not Pet
A NURADHA B HAGWATI
The Power of Survivor-Defined Justice
S TACY M ALONE , E SQ .
Before #MeToo
Black Women in the Anti-Rape Movement in Washington, DC, in the 1970s
L ORETTA J. R OSS
I Believe You, Como Eres
A NDREA L. P INO -S ILVA
Reproductive Justice
Sacred Work, Sacred Journey
C HERISSE S COTT
The Spark to Change
T AHIR D UCKETT
She Cant Breathe
J AMIL S MITH
Taking the Employer High Road to Address Sexual Harassment
M NICA R AMREZ
Big Little Lies
S AMANTHA I RBY
Innocent in the Face
A Conversation with Tatiana Maslany
J ACLYN F RIEDMAN
When Gender Is Weaponized, Peace Depends on Believing Survivors
Y IFAT S USSKIND & Y ANAR M OHAMMED
Silenced and Doubted
How the US Immigration System Fails Central American Women
A NNA -C ATHERINE B RIGIDA
Survivorship Is Leadership
Building a Future for New Possibilities and Power
S ABRINA H ERSI I SSA
Survivor Love Letter
T ANI I KEDA
The Cost of Disbelieving
J ACLYN F RIEDMAN
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A LITTLE OVER TEN YEARS AGO, IN THE MIDST OF A PARTY IN A CRAMPED Boston hotel room, the two of us had an idea. What if, we said, we put together an anthology about ending rape. At the time, the feminist blogosphere was chock-full of innovative and radical ideas about sexual consent, assault, and harassmentbut the ephemeral nature of blog posts and comment threads meant that these groundbreaking thoughts were here one day, gone the next. We were lucky enough that one of the partygoers happened to be a book editor. Thats how Yes Means Yes: Visions of Female Sexual Power and a World Without Rape, in its thirteenth printing as of this writing, was born.
We published Yes Means Yes because past thinking on rape had not gone far enough. The no means no model of consent was outdated, and maybe even dangerous, setting women up as frigid gatekeepers who could be blamed for anything that happened to them if they took risks in pursuit of their own pleasure. Given the dominant discourse at the time, we assumed a book demanding more for women would reach a niche market at best, but wanted to put it out into the world anyway.
But not only did Yes Means Yes resonate as a book, yes means yes as a new way to think about consent became the gold standard.
Ten years later, theres no party, but were in another hotel roomwriting and thinking once more about the next step forward. To us, the focus for that forward movement is clear: trusting women. Believing women.
Were already halfway there. Harvey Weinstein. Bill Cosby. R. Kelly. Donald Trump. The most famous abusers in modern American history are finally starting to be outed for what they are. Women are speaking up, risking victim-blaming and harassment in order to expose the behavior of men that was previously only whispered about.
Though the consequences for women who come forward about assault are still as present and dangerous as ever, more and more people are starting to believe them than did in the past. We are close to a tipping point on trusting women. What Americans need now is to be pushed over the edge.
This book seeks to do just that, by asking and answering the question that could change the way we think about sexual violence: What if we believed women?
This is not just a book. Its a rallying cry, a plan for action, and a theory of change: BELIEVE ME.
The need has never been more urgent. In part because of the progress women have made and are poised to make, were living in an age of profound backlash. An unrepentant misogynist, accused many times over of sexual harassment and assault, is our president. Mens rights groups that once were seen as the dangerous fringe are now being given front-row seats to change education policy around rape. Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed to the Supreme Court despite overwhelming evidence that he is a serial sexual predator. Online harassment is a scourge. Misogynists are more emboldened than ever. The stakes for believing women could not be higher.
And, yes, even as were writing this, we can already hear the backlash. It is by now almost a clich: when women say we should believe survivors of sexual violence, a swarm of (mostly) men swoop in to rescue us from our silly thoughts. Thats simply unworkable, theyll mansplain patiently. What about due process? What about innocent until proven guilty? Women arent perfect angels, you know! Are we to believe every single woman?