Leilani Faber - Vision of Hope: Rebuilding a Life Destroyed by Drugs and Alcohol

VISION
of HOPE

REBUILDING A LIFE DESTROYED BY
DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

LEILANI FABER

Copyright 2016 Leilani Faber.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

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ISBN: 978-1-5043-6288-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6287-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5043-6289-4 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2016911774

Balboa Press rev. date: 08/04/2016

TABLE OF CONTENTS

To my wonderful children, my mother and my late father, who chose to forgive me and believe in me. They inspire me every day to be a mother, daughter and human being, deserving of their love and res pect.

In 2006, Dick Dixon and I were privileged to record the stories of 30 southwest Missouri methamphetamine addicts in sustained recovery who told us how they got on, how they got off, and how they stay off meth. We shared those in our book, Ozark Meth: A Journey of Destruction and Deliverance. Their accounts of normal lives gone wrong with the introduction of meth were fascinating and heart-breaking and strikingly close to anyone elses life. Leilani Fabers was one of those and now she has shared her own complete narrative in her book, Vision of Hope.

Leilanis book is an intimate account of a life so much like any one of the rest of ours that except for the grace of God, any of us or one of our loved ones could find ourselves in a similar situation. The most incredible part of her story is her remarkable recovery and the extraordinary contributions she continues to make toward the recovery of so many others.

It is a common myth amongst addicts that what they do with their life and their body is strictly their own business but in simple yet poignant terms, Leilani tells us how her life in meth impacted the lives of her children, her mother, and her long term relationship with her siblings. She also speaks with great candor of overcoming the shame, guilt, anger and resentment associated with a former life of drug abuse, a major step that many addicts never seem to embrace. This inability to complete the circle leaves them unprepared for a world that does not and probably never will, completely understand their view of life. Leilani has not only made this difficult transition, she uses that knowledge and insight every day to help others make those necessary steps to return to a productive life.

Vision of Hope is an important contribution in the growing number of stories by recovering addicts, for its well-written account in terms that are touching yet honest, in both the low points and high points of her story. Perhaps most significantly, Leilani Fabers life story brings us to a conclusion that includes a current life and an optimistic future that should make her, her children and her mother proud. It literally offers hope for anyone who has found their life severely impacted by meth or other drugs and demonstrates that despite the damage done by meth use, with hard work, redemption is possible and a new life awaits anyone willing to make that commitment.

Laura L. Valenti, co-author

Ozark Meth: A Journey of Destruction and Deliver ance

Here are some promises Im willing to make

If you keep on taking the chances you take

Between you and me, they need not be spoken

But no matter what, they will not be broken

You may be a player and new to this game

If so turn and run back the same way you came

Over time youll need much larger doses of me

You cant fathom how total your losses will be

First Ill take your desire for living life right

Your days I will twist up and turn into night

Ill take everything that you love and hold dear

Ill take all lifes pleasures and leave only fear

Yes Ill take your new car and Ill take all your wealth

Ill take that great job and Ill take your good health

I promise to take all your land and your home

Then Ill take all youd get in the way of a loan

Ill take all your treasures, your jewelry, your toys

Ill take all your childrenyour girls and your boys

Your friends I will take from you, one by one

Your family Ill tear apart, father from son

Ill cause you regret, wracked with guilt and with shame

Ill cause your good name to go straight down in flames

Ill bring you real misery, worry and woe

Ill bring you more trouble, oh, more than you know

Ill make you see people in bushes and trees

Look for cameras and microphones hidden in cheese

Ill cover your body with oozing red sores

As the cops come and knock in your windows and doors

Ill take your bright future; Ill revoke your bail

Ill cause you to stay in a cold lonely jail

Ill take all your weeks, your months and your years

Ill leave you with nothingnothing but tears

When my demons get rolling, there toward the end

Ill cause you to murder your very best friend

You might be real lucky and get off as insane

But normal brain function, youll never regain

What is real? you will ask, and then What is not?

Youll think Maybe Ill know if I do one more shot.

So you grab a syringe (but its really a knife)

Then Ill finish you off by taking your life

If you think that Im lying about what Ill do

Keep doing what youre doing; youll soon have your proof

Dont say you werent warned; I warned you too well

Im Meth, Ice, Im Crystal and Ill see you in HELL!

Revised from original, Leilani Faber, 2004

After many years of promising myself and being encouraged to begin, I am finally committing to spending a portion of my time writing. I have identified myself as a writer as far back as I can remembereven when I was very small. Maybe its because Ive always loved to read. Reading gave my life so many giftsescape, imagination, knowledgeand so many questions. But as they say, a writer is someone who writes, so if I am to truly call myself a writer, I must begin to do so.

Im the type of person who questions everything. At this point in my life (early 50s), Ive come to understand that we know what we know only until new knowledge surfaces that refutes what we know. And the cycle continues ad infinitum.

Some of my earliest questions were about the nature of reality and my own existence. When I was four or five, I remember thinking, How do I know that anyone else really exists? I know that I exist, but maybe everyone and everything else is just a type of movie that Im seeing in my minds eye meant to fool me into thinking Im not alone.