Dallin H. Oaks - Lifes Lessons Learned

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Oaks, Dallin H., author.

Lifes lessons learned / Dallin H. Oaks.

pages cm

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-1-60908-931-3 (hardbound : alk. paper)

1. Oaks, Dallin H. 2. MormonsUnited StatesBiography. 3. Mormon ChurchApostlesBiography. 4. Christian lifeMormon authors. I. Title.

BX8695.O25A3 2011

289.3092dc23

[B] 2011032339

Printed in the United States of America

Malloy Lithographing Incorporated, Ann Arbor, MI

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Acknowledgments

In a book devoted to lessons I have learned in my life, I am privileged to acknowledge my teachers. Throughout my life my foremost teacher has been the still small voice and feelings communicated by the Spirit of the Lord. My earliest teachers were my beloved parents, Dr. Lloyd E. Oaks and Stella Harris Oaks. They were succeeded by my wife June Dixon Oaks (193398); my wife Kristen McMain Oaks; and our six children and their spouses: Sharmon (Jack D.) Ward, Cheri (Louis E.) Ringger, Lloyd Dixon (Natalie Mietus) Oaks, Dallin Dixon (Marleen May) Oaks, TruAnn (A. Rock) Boulter, and Jenny (Matthew D.) Baker. Other teachers include a host of men and women with whom I have served in the Church, in education, and in my activities in the legal profession.

In the production of this book, I was assisted by Elder Spencer J. Condie, a long-time friend and associate who made valuable suggestions on an earlier draft of the manuscript. My brother, Dr. (Elder) Merrill C. Oaks, and my sister, Evelyn O. H. Moody, gave unique assistance on the first five chapters, dealing with our early family experiences. My wife, Kristen M. Oaks, gave insightful suggestions on the final draft, which was then improved by the fine editorial skills of Suzanne Brady of Deseret Book Company. Finally, this book could not have been written without the essential production and research skills of my secretary, Margie McKnight.

To all of my teachers and my helpers I am profoundly grateful.

Chapter 1

Introduction

Despite resolving that I would not write another book, I felt a strong impression to write this book about lessons learned in my lifes experiences that might be helpful to others. I have felt to share personal experiences that illustrate what and how I have learned principles that have shaped my life and teachings, including some things of the heart not previously shared. I do not try to treat the entire content of these subjects, so this is an autobiography of learning and application rather than a compendium of doctrine. It is, of course, a personal expression and in no way an official statement of the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I have always admired persons who could teach persuasively from an abundance of personal experiences, but this has been so difficult for me that I have rarely been able to do it. Now I feel I must do so. Fortunately, I have the model of other Apostles who have written books that teach from many personal experiences. Notable examples include President Thomas S. Monsons Inspiring Experiences That Build Faith (Deseret Book, 1994), President James E. Fausts Stories from My Life (Deseret Book, 2001), President Boyd K. Packers Memorable Stories with a Message (Deseret Book, 2000), and Elder Robert D. Haless Return (Deseret Book, 2010).

The most difficult part of writing this book has been deciding what subjects to exclude. I have omitted many key principles of the gospel that have profoundly influenced my life because I could not illustrate them with a definitive experience of how I learned them. I chose my subjects from the personal experiences recorded in my journals, correspondence, histories, and talks or from memories awakened by studying these sources. Where I have given a talk or written significantly on the same subject as one of these chapters, or where I have included text of at least a paragraph in length from an earlier writing, I have cited the source.

I hope those who read these very personal memories of my learning experiences will remember that this is an account of things I have learned, with no representation that I have always practiced this learning as I should.

Part One

TO 1971

Chapter 2

Not My Will, but Thine, Be Done

The year 1940 might have been a banner year for our family. The health and financial hardships that followed my fathers 1930 graduation from medical school in Philadelphia were past. The family was happily located in Twin Falls, Idaho, where my fathers medical practice (eye, ear, nose, and throat) was thriving and where he served on the high council of the Twin Falls Stake. In January 1938 he and my mother had returned from his four months of valuable postdoctoral training in ophthalmology in Vienna, Austria, and Cairo, Egypt. After years of sacrifice since their marriage in 1929, my mother could at last contemplate a life of security as the wife of a prosperous physician. In January 1940 son Merrill would be four, and in March daughter Evelyn would be one. In August 1940 I, their eldest, would be baptized following my eighth birthday.

The anticipated happiness of 1940 was not to be. In the fall of 1939 my father was diagnosed with tuberculosis and hospitalized at a TB sanatorium in Denver, Colorado. Many of todays medications had not yet been developed, and even though he received optimal care for that day, his doctors could not stop the progress of the disease. He died there on June 10, 1940, leaving my mother struggling with a question that has troubled many faithful Latter-day Saints. During the six months of his hospitalization, my father had received many priesthood blessings containing promises of recovery. When he died, she and others struggled to reconcile his death with their faith and the numerous priesthood-declared promises of healing. Ultimately, we all learned from this experience.

Reading the letters my mother wrote during my fathers last illness has reminded me of her struggles. In the first month of my fathers hospitalization, she wrote him from Twin Falls, Idaho: You shall be healed if your faith is great enough!... Recovery is according to our faith.... The blessing is ours for the faith and asking.

A week later she wrote: If our faith is great enough there is no blessing God can withhold from us.

Again and again prominent priesthood leaders, including the president of the Western States Mission in Denver and a visiting member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, went to my fathers bedside and gave priesthood blessings that contained promises of healing. Each of these leaders rebuked the disease and commanded that my father be made whole. The blessings pronounced by others did the same. Two years earlier, as my parents were leaving for my fathers additional medical studies in Europe, they sought a blessing from a member of the Quorum of the Twelve. He told them that the time would come when my father would heal thousands. That promise had also sustained my parents during my fathers illness and then added to my mothers dismay upon his death.