Stephen Arterburn - Being Gods Man in Tough Times

As Christian men, we crave true-to-life, honest, and revealing Bible study curricula that will equip us for the battles that rage in our lives. We are looking for resources that will get us into our Bibles in the context of mutually accountable relationships with other men. But like superheroes who wear masks and work hard to conceal their true identities, most of us find ourselves isolated and working alone on the major issues we face. Many of us present a carefully designed public self, while hiding our private self from view. This is not Gods plan for us.

Lets face it. We all have trouble being honest with ourselves, particularly in front of other men.

As developers of a mens ministry, we believe that many of the problems among Christian men today are direct consequences of an inability to practice biblical opennessbeing honest about our struggles, questions, and temptationsand to connect with one another. Our external lives may be in order, but storms of unprocessed conflict, loss, and fear are eroding our resolve to maintain integrity. Sadly, hurting Christian men are flocking to unhealthy avenues of relief instead of turning to Gods Word and to one another.

We believe the solution to this problem lies in creating opportunities for meaningful relationships among men. Thats why we designed this Bible study series to be thoroughly interactive. When a man practices biblical openness with other men, he moves from secrecy to candor, from isolation to connection, and from pretense to authenticity.

Kenny and Todd developed the study sessions at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California, where they teach the mens morning Bible studies. There, men hear an outline of the Bible passage, read the verses together, and then answer a group discussion question at their small-group tables. The teaching pastor then facilitates further discussion within the larger group.

This approach is a huge success for many reasons, but the key is that, deep down, men really do want close friendships with other guys. We dont enjoy living on the barren islands of our own secret struggles. However, many men choose to process life, relationships, and pressures individually because they fear the vulnerability required in small-group gatherings. Suppose someone sees behind my carefully constructed image? Suppose I encounter rejection after revealing one of my worst sins? Men willingly take risks in business and the stock market, sports and recreation, but we do not easily risk our inner lives.

Many church ministries are now helping men win this battle, providing them with opportunities to experience Christian male companionship centered in Gods Word. This study series aims to supplement and expand that good work around the country. If these lessons successfully reach you, then they will also reach every relationship and domain that you influence. That is our heartfelt prayer for every man in your group.

As you prepare for each session, first review the Key Verse and Goals for Growth, which reveal the focus of the study at hand. Discuss as a group whether or not you will commit to memorizing the Key Verse for each session. The Head Start section then explains why these goals are necessary and worthwhile. Each member of your small group should complete the Connect with the Word section before the small-group sessions. Consider this section to be your personal Bible study for the week. This will ensure that everyone has spent some time interacting with the biblical texts for that session and is prepared to share responses and personal applications. (You may want to mark or highlight any questions that were difficult or particularly meaningful, so you can focus on those during the group discussion.)

When you gather in your small group, youll begin by reading aloud the Head Start section to remind everyone of the focus for the current session. The leader will then invite the group to share any questions, concerns, insights, or comments arising from their personal Bible study during the past week. If your group is large, consider breaking into subgroups of three or four people (no more than six) at this time.

Next get into Connect with the Group, starting with the Group Opener. These openers are designed to get at the heart of each weeks lesson. They focus on how the men in your group relate to the passage and topic you are about to discuss. The group leader will read the opener for that weeks session aloud and then facilitate interaction on the Discussion Questions that follow. (Remember: Not everyone has to offer an answer for every question.)

Leave time after your discussion to complete the Standing Strong exercises, which challenge each man to consider, Whats my next move? As you openly express your thoughts to the group, youll be able to hold one another accountable to reach for your goals.

Finally, close in prayer, either in your subgroups or in the larger group. You may want to use this time to reflect on and respond to what God has done in your group during the session. Also invite group members to share their personal joys and concerns, and use this as grist for your prayer time together.

By way of review, each lesson is divided into the following sections:

To be read or completed before the small-group session:

• Key Verse

• Goals for Growth

• Head Start

• Connect with the Word (home Bible study: 3040 minutes)

To be completed during the small-group session:

• Read aloud the Head Start section (5 minutes)

• Discuss personal reaction to Connect with the Word (10 minutes)

• Connect with the Group (includes the Group Opener and discussion of the heart of the lesson: 3040 minutes)

• Standing Strong (includes having one person pray for the group; challenges each man to take action: 20 minutes)

Have you ever wanted to rewind your life and start over? It would be like playing a country-western song backward: the dog would come home, the truck would get fixed, and the wife would return. If only it were that simple to deal with lifes problems! Stuff happens, and its not always the kind of stuff weve planned for. We certainly cant make it un-happen.

If this is how you feel, youre not alone. Youre not the only one going through tough times. This is the everyday life of the ordinary man. In fact, were all ordinary men going through extraordinary and often painful circumstances.

In the Bible, the young David had his difficult days as well. He was perfectly happy being a shepherd boy in the countryside of Israel. Wild beasts were the greatest threat to David, but he learned to handle them. It was the rest of life that wore him down. People like King Saul constantly harassed him, and he often had to run for his lifeeven after he became a great national leader. Yet enemy armies were easier to deal with than family issues back home.

Can you relate? We conquer giants at work, but on the home front, battles continue to rage. Whether were battling with a tough marriage, an out-of-control temper, a disabling illness, or even kids gone wild, our problems often seem insurmountable.

Most of us have come to realize that every day we enter a world of circumstances that are beyond our control. (It only took us about forty years to figure that out.) What