Stephen Arterburn - The Exceptional Life: 8 Powerful Steps to Experiencing Gods Best for You

T he other day in my small group I was asked a very personal question. Everyone was invited to answer; I wasnt being singled out. The question was, What makes you cry?

There are lots of things that make me cry, and more often out of joy than out of sorrow. So I talked about my propensity to weep, just like my father did, at the drop of a hat.

It isnt anything Im particularly proud to admit, but the truth is Im a pretty emotional guy. Not that I get all weepy watching TV soaps, like my grandfather did. But certain songs bring a tear to my eye whenever I hear them. And I tend to think about my own feelings, and the feelings of other people, a whole lot more than I think about the kinds of things that maybe people who dont think about feelings think about: linear equations or investment ideas or sporting events.

What registers with me, personallywhat sticks with me, what I notice the most, what Im growing more sensitive toare feelings. Emotions. Passions. Hurt. Need. Love. My whole life is centered around relating to and dealing with people and their feelings. And Ive had to work through and overcome some pretty tough feelings myself.

Now that I am older, what I hear, in a word, is hearts . Im more about matters of the heart than about anything else. Its a very good thing I am that way, too. Because while my heart is busy intaking and processing all kinds of input and information, my mind has ADHD. If my heart was as bad at sticking to one thing as my mind is, Id be in serious trouble.

I do sometimes miss an appointment or find myself standing in the middle of a store wondering what it is Im supposed to be buying. I might forget where I put my car keys (or, as happened just recently, my car); I might not tie my shoes; I might even board a plane I thought was going to one place, only to arrive in another. Honestly, stuff like that happens a lot. Thats just life with ADHD.

Last week, when my wife, Misty, and I returned from small group, Mary Kaye was at the house watching our kids. There was a knock at the door; it was a group member returning my Bible, which Id forgotten. Misty said to Mary Kaye, He does this kind of thing all the time.

Ten minutes later there was another knock. It was the group leader returning my wifes purse, which she had left behind. It was a great moment for me!

Anyway, I dont have any trouble whatsoever paying attention when a person is talking to me about something that really matters to her. Then Im 100 percent there .

If someones sharing a problem hes havingan upsetting recent conflict, struggles and failures with an addiction, or anything causing general or specific emotional stressthen I tune in to him like a ham radio beside a ten-thousand-watt transmitting tower. (Its not like I know nothing about technical stuff. Sure, Ive no idea what a transmitting tower is, and I wouldnt know a ham radio from a ham sandwich. But I sounded like I knew what I was talking about, didnt I? Thats about half the battle right there.)

Whats good for me is that my profession is perfectly suited to my nature. For my radio and TV program, New Life Live, I spend hours at a time listening to people share their deepest, most personal issues. And thats just while were doing the show. In addition, I give seminars and lectures and engage in the New Life weekend retreats for healing for those who are fighting depression, anger, addiction, relationship problems, and every kind of thing you can imagine that ever blocks a person from experiencing Gods best.

Listening to people is what I love doing. With my heart, I listen to theirs.

Guess what, though? Turns out that for all these years my mind has , in fact, been paying attention to what my hearts been doing. While my heart has been intensely focused on the troubles, concerns, and challenges of tens if not hundreds of thousands of others, my mindADHD and allhas been watching and tracking whats going on between my heart and each and every one of those people.

The reason I know this? About a year ago, my mind started niggling me to write down a note or two about something it was trying to tell me. So I started making sure that (insofar as I was capable) I was never without my trusty pad and pen.

Heres what I discovered: after years of intimate exposure to others sufferings, my mind had discerned patterns in why and how people tend to become, to varying degrees, dysfunctional. I had slowly but surely come to the realization that no matter what the manifested problems of any given individual might bewhatever stood between themselves and Gods best for themthe root of their issue almost always boiled down to the same thing: they were hanging on to something they needed to let go of, or something was hanging on to them that needed to be knocked off.

Let me say that again: hanging on to something they needed to let go of.

In almost every single person Ive ever counseled, something theyre clinging to is preventing them from getting to something much better.

Theres been, in other words, something they needed to give up, in exchange for which theyd get more than anything they ever could have envisioned.

Good job, mind! I said. (Since I was in my neighborhood coffee shop at the time, I said it to myself. At least, I hope I did.) Youve done it. Youve boiled down the things people clutch, the things they need to give up so they can receive something much better, to eight things! Im so proud of you. I now officially forgive you for all the times youve driven off with the gas-pump hose still attached to the car and made me pay for damages on the spot.