Ruth Graham - Transforming Loneliness: Deepening Our Relationships with God and Others When We Feel Alone

Loneliness... comes mostly when we are disconnected from others in such a way that we feel ignored, overlooked, or not known as we really are. It is the painful ache in our hearts for intimate connection, belonging, and companionship.

Trevor Hudson

I woke to the familiar sounds of the hospitaldistant beeping, footsteps in the hallway, muffled voices from the nearby nurses station, and the constant white noise I could never quite identify. I opened my eyes to the same scene Id been staring at for five dayswhite ceiling tiles covered with little black holes too numerous to count. My back ached and I longed to roll over onto my side but knew I could not. The doctor had told me to stay flat on my back, and I wasnt about to risk another wave of nausea or the sharp pains of another severe headache. I longed for some water to wet my lips. I could see the cup of water on the bed table next to me, but it was out of my reach without sitting up and I dared not. I just need to wait for the nurse , I thought. It shouldn t be long. But the minutes passed slowly.

I was all alone.

Of course, I knew God was present with me. He always is. But the simple reality was that I longed for the physical presence of a caring personsomeone to hold my cup so I could take a few satisfying swallows. Someone to pull my blanket a bit higher and pat my arm or squeeze my hand and remind me that my condition was just temporarythat the doctors would figure out the source of my problem and set me on the path of recovery.

A sad longing crept over me.

It wasnt just that I was alone. I was used to being alone. Id been single for years and was used to the silence and fending for myself that comes with living in a single-person household. No, the longing I felt went beyond that of simply being alone . I was lonely. And loneliness is a feeling that goes far deeper than missing the presence of another person. It is an ache, a deep longing to feel connected, validated, seen, known, and valued. The longing I was feeling, I realized at that moment, wasnt going to be satisfied by the nurse who would soon offer me fresh water, straighten my sheets, and give me the medicine that would relieve the growing, throbbing pain in my head. My loneliness wouldnt be satisfied until Noelle and Windsor, my two daughters, walked into my room and I saw their smiling, loving faces even as they teased me, and until one of them handed me the phone and I heard the steady Im here, Mom, from Graham, my son. That deep connection to my childrenthat experience of being cared for and valuedwould help chase away the sad loneliness that had been brewing not only for the past five days in the hospital but for many months before Id been admitted.