Anamika Neitlich - Loving Now

LOVINGNOW

By Anamika

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2014 by Anamika Neitlich

Cover design by Stephan Choiniere

Cover photo by Jennifer Goodrich

Edited by Marty Hale and Laurel Airica

Special thanks: Irene Mink, Katerina Getchell, GregWinters, Jennifer and Michael Goodrich, Steve Parrish

Formatted by Karen Richardson

Revised and updated version of Into the Heart ofthe Beloved: A Romance with the Divine

More information at www.anamika.com

ISBN: 978-0-9886879-7-4

Loving Now / Anamika.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoymentonly. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people.If you would like to share this book with another person, pleasepurchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're readingthis book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for youruse only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase yourown copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of thisauthor.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Last summer, while I was cleaning out myhouse in preparation to move, I came across a copy of a book I hadwritten years ago. It describes the events that occurred during apowerfully transformative period of my life from 1984 to 1996.

Throughout that period, even though I hadsome gloriously elevating and earth-shaking experiences andrealizations, I didnt predominantly live in Love as a state ofbeing. Making that shift was extremely challenging for me becauseit required letting go of control on levels far deeper than I couldever have imagined at the time.

This book chronicles many different stagesof development that I went through to arrive at new, embodiedunderstandings. For example, I had considered the end goal to beachieving enlightenment. I mistakenly thought that this was aplace at which one arrives having mastered perfection and constantbliss. Not only did I discover that this concept was inaccurate, Ialso came to understand that there really is no end goal. Each stepis an invaluable part of an eternally unfolding process of gettingto know, cherish and be oneself ever more fully andauthentically.

Since we are always growing, learning, andexpanding, I couldnt have imagined the richness that was yet tocome through continually integrating and enlightening. I also cantimagine whats still to be revealed.

As I reread the old book, I reflected backupon the person I was with a tender smile. The differences in myperspectives then and now are very evident to me. Yet, Im stillthe same person, in fact even more genuinely sothoughparadoxically also quite different.

In reviewing my life, I see that my passionto know myselfand my fervent desire to live and create from analways expanding sense of selfwere always there. They are theluminous thread that connects all of the events. What is vastlydifferent now is how I experience myself as well as what I createfrom a new sense of self. I was evolving from seeking love, tofalling in love, to knowing myself as Love, to Loving Now.

I am republishing the original book in anupdated version. To distinguish clearly between then and now, Ihave included the original experiences in plain font, and newcommentary from my present perspective in italics. My inner voiceis in quotation marks throughout. The experiences are true but Ihave given pseudonyms to the people involved.

I continue to write about my life-changingadventures and realizations. These books are available on mywebsite www.anamika.com . I offerthese in honor of who weve been, of who we are now, and of whowere becoming.

May we cherish ourselves and each other withappreciation and tender compassion.

With love,

Anamika

If the Nazis came to the door what would Ido? This question haunted my childhood. Would I faint? Would I runand hide? Would I resist even if it meant losing my life?

These questions were understandable giventhat I grew up in a Jewish household not too long after World WarII. However, the intensity of my feelings surrounding this quandaryand my desperation to know the answer seemed strange. There was nohistory of violence in my childhood. My family enjoyed acomfortable upper-middle class, Oyster Bay Cove, New Yorkexistence. We valued kindness. So my obsession with this Nazi issuehad to come from somewhere else.

In attempting to find answers, I wouldconjure up various scenarios. In some, possessing super humanstrength, I defeated the Nazis advances. In others, I bravelyfaced death at the hands of my captors. In others, I quaked interror at the sight of their hard black boots and threateningguns.

After each of these ruminations I would beleft in a state of great agitation and unrest because I trulydidnt know what I would do if confronted in such a way. And so,the quandary continued.

Years later, as I reached through the veilsof time in an altered state of consciousness, a vivid recollectionof what seemed like a prior life made clear the reason for mychildhood obsession with the Nazis. Finally, what seemed like ananswer emerged. I was a fifteen-year old boy in Eastern Europe andone day the Nazis did indeed knock on the door. Although my stomachclenched as terror coursed through my veins, I opened the door andstrategically positioned myself in such a way that my body offeredwhat protection it could to shield my family. Courageously, I stoodtall before the Nazis, lying to them that my family was not athome. I desperately hoped that the soldiers would believe my ruseand move on.

Instead, they viciously grabbed me andbrutally clubbed me to death. Even after my skull was broken, theycontinued to pummel and kick me. My spirit hovered over my lifelessbody in shock at what had happened, watching helplessly as theNazis stormed the house. They dragged my struggling younger sister,parents and grandparents into the street, and threw them in afilthy truck to be hauled off to a concentration camp.

I was devastated beyond description. I hadfailed in my mission to protect those I loved most and I had failedto defeat the forces of darkness. In an attempt to rectify thesituation, my spirit made a desperate effort to re-inhabit mybrutalized body. Relatives in spirit turned me around and drew metoward the Light, away from my earthly existence. My heart washeavy. I had been determined to be a force of good, believing thatit was my mission to save the world and fight the darkness.

From somewhere in the ethers a gentlesoothing voice began to speak. It is not necessary to win thatfight. Forgive yourself for not being able to do what you thoughtyou should. Winning a fight is not important. What is important isthat you forgive yourself for not accomplishing what you thoughtyou should. In so doing, you will attain a profound level ofacceptance in which you re-evaluate your priorities and discoverthat you dont have to be other than who you are.

I realized that I could blend with the Lightand know serenity. But I had felt like an utter failure because Ihad not been strong enough to accomplish what I had believed to beright. The comforting voice continued. Who says you should havebeen able to defeat the soldiers? Why judge yourself so harshly?Who says that your limited perspective is the only reality? You canonly find out if you move into a different state of being.

I cant do that, I pleaded. Some thingsare just unforgivable. I wasnt able to save my family and helpdefeat the forces of darkness. I need to go back to Earth andfulfill this mission. I cannot rest until I do.

As you wish. However, if you want to come topeace, you will need a gift, one that will help you learnunconditional love and acceptance.

Excellent, I exulted. When do Ibegin?

It will require many years of life to reacha level of maturity sufficient to know yourself as one with thisgift. In the meantime, be aware of when you misuse it forself-serving purposes.