Jim Auer - Elf-help for Raising a Teen

Elf-help for Raising a Teen Jim Auer Illustrated by R. W. Alley Abbey Press All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. Text copyright 2000 by Jim Auer Illustrations copyright 2000 by Saint Meinrad Archabbey ISBN: 978-1-4976-8025-8 Abbey Press Publications 1 Hill Drive St. Meinrad, Indiana 47577 www.abbeypress.com Distributed by Open Road Distribution 345 Hudson Street New York, NY 10014 www.openroadmedia.com Foreword You knew it, of course, the day your child was borneven if you didnt consciously think of it at the time: Thirteen years later this child would becomea teenager. The very word evokes mixed feelings: excitement, pride, concern, conflictmaybe even danger.

The journey through the teen years must be undertaken by both teen and parent. Its exceptionally energy-consuming and emotionally draining for both parties. And no two journeys are exactly alike, for either teen or parent, even within the same family. Each parent-teen relationship has its unique highs and lows, strains and rewards. In the daily busyness of raising children, keeping a household, and making a living, it can be hard to pull together the skills and strategies you need to raise a teen. This mini manual can point the way.

A handy collection of essential guidelines, it includes concrete suggestions for enriching, healing, and enjoying your relationship with your teen. May this little volume help you to navigate your teens teens with patience and love. 1. Life hands us many jobs and roles. Being the parent of a teen is one of the most demanding and important. Feel genuinely importantbut not intimidated. 2. Parenting a teen is not like staging a space launch: if you program in the right information and push the right buttons, your childs journey to adulthood will be smooth and flaw-free. 2. Parenting a teen is not like staging a space launch: if you program in the right information and push the right buttons, your childs journey to adulthood will be smooth and flaw-free.

Expect glitchesand realize that they can bring growth on both sides. 3. Remember your own adolescence as vividly as possible. Recall specific things you worried about, agonized over, were confused by, and rejoiced in. Compare them with your teens concerns. You may find he is not such a stranger! 4. Share some of the things that worried, confused, and delighted you as a teenager. Many things really are different these days, but others remain the same.

This sharing can tear down walls and keep y ou from seeming like a stranger. 5. You just dont understand! is a catchphrase of the teen years. Expect to hear it. Realize that sometimes it might be true! Instead of trying to prove the statement wrong, say, Maybe I dont, but Id like to. Help me to understand. 6. If your teen seems to become two or three different persons in the course of a day, this is normal.

After all, it occasionally happens to adults, too. No ones temperament is an unvarying constant. What matters is responding to the teen of the moment with love. 7. Teens often feel things more intensely than seems logical or sensible to adults. Accept this. Helping your teen to understand and cope is far better than telling him, Theres just no reason to feel so strongly.

Im sorry youre hurting is a much better response than Its not the end of the world. 8. Keep a sense of humor, especially in trying times. Finding something to laugh about does not belittle or minimize a serious situation. Laughter is often the spark that helps people become more willing to resolve the situation. 9. Teens often feel that right now is forever, especially when life seems troubled. Be careful not to absorb this outlook yourself.

Gently try to help your teen realize that this is virtually never true. 10. Some things really will matter tomorrow and a year from now; others wont. Teach your teen how to make this important distinction, using examples from your own life. 11. A hug or pat on the shoulder is often worth a thousand words. If your teen resists, dont force it, but dont give up either. Await the next opportunity.

An honest I could really use a hug often can melt the awkwardness. 12. Recall happy times you have had with your child. Look at photos in your family album, and share them with your teen at an appropriate time. Visual reminders of bonding can create further bonding. 13. Delightful surprises strengthen any relationship, especially for no reason except that I love you. 14. Check the proportion of positives and negatives in the messages you give your teen. 14. Check the proportion of positives and negatives in the messages you give your teen.

Unless he is consistently sabotaging his life, send a much higher proportion of positive messages.