Ben West - This Book Could Save Your Life: Breaking the silence around the mental health emergency

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First published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2022

FIRST EDITION

Text Ben West 2022

Illustrations by Ellie Game HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2022

Cover design by Ellie Game HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2022

A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library

Ben West asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work

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Source ISBN: 9780008503147

Ebook Edition April 2022 ISBN: 9780008503154

Version 2022-03-31

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• Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008503147

To my brother, Sam. I miss you.

I still havent stopped and Im still trying.

Thank you so much for picking up this book. Any friend of mine will tell you that the fact Ive even written one is more than a little surprising to say I was the least likely one of us to become an author is an understatement. At primary school I was told by my teacher not to bother sitting my English exams because it would be demoralising for me. (Turns out it was more demoralising to be told itd be demoralising. Go figure.) Before you sigh and put it back on the shelf though, Ive got a brilliant editor whos been fab and has assured me that despite my lack of qualifications it does actually make sense. Phew. But previous to this, I had always struggled with words finding the right ones and getting them on paper in a way that made sense. Then, in January 2018, something happened that suddenly forced me to find the words, come what may: the suicide of my younger brother, Sam.

Sam took his own life, aged 15, five months after being diagnosed with clinical depression. This book details my personal journey in dealing with the shock, grief and realisation that Sams death, like many other deaths caused by mental illness, could possibly have been avoided. Had Sam received the support he needed and if we all talked about mental health in a different way, perhaps there would be no need for this book. Damn, how I wish that were the case.

Before we dive fully into that though, its time for a proper introduction.

Hello. My name is Ben West. Im 22 years old. You might know me from Instagram, where I split my time between breaking down stigmas, campaigning for change and responding to many of my followers horrifically detailed confessions while dressed in a priest outfit. Or perhaps you recognise me from the time I closed the 2019 ITV election debate by asking the prime minister, Boris Johnson, and the leader of the opposition at the time, Jeremy Corbyn, the question that was on everyones lips: What would you buy each other for Christmas? Alternatively, maybe you havent the faintest idea who I am, but were drawn to the title of this book because mental health is something you, or someone you know, is struggling with. Whatever brought you here welcome! I really appreciate you being interested in my story and I hope you find it useful.

People often say to me, Wow, youve been so unlucky, which simply isnt true. Ive actually been nothing but lucky. Im lucky because on 21 January 2018 two very different situations were playing out in my house: I was lying on my bed listening to music and my brother was lying on his floor taking his own life. Im lucky because Ive seen how easy it wouldve been for me to have been in his place. Im lucky that I havent had to face the darkness that comes with depression and mental illness. Im lucky that I dont have to gamble my life on an under-resourced and failing NHS support system. Im lucky that my parents financial situation doesnt determine whether I live or die. And Im lucky that my postcode doesnt change the quality of care I have access to.

Sams death has forced me to recognise and acknowledge this luck and Im livid about it. It is what drove me to become a mental health campaigner and to write this book, because the suggestion that any of this is down to luck is bullshit. Nothing will ever change if we sit down and stay quiet. We must stand up and speak out. We must find the words, regardless of the challenges or the barriers.

The words in this book are a plea for change. I want to help change how helpless you feel if youre suffering right now, or if you know someone who is; I want to change how we speak about mental health and suicide; and I want to change governmental policy. Its not okay any more for people to wander about, blissfully unaware that this other deadly pandemic is going on. It is going on, and its about time we fucking did something about it.

Ill consider this book to have done its job if it makes you feel sad but supported, seen and less alone, inspired and motivated, overwhelmed but aware. We all have a responsibility to speak up when we see suffering and injustice and when were in a position to help others. We must find the words, and these are mine.

How are you? Fine? Thats great. How about happy, though? Would you describe yourself as happy? Content? Pretty zen? Ticking along? Or are you, if youre being really honest, none of those things?

I believe the most important commodity in life is happiness. The ability to feel joy. Happiness means different things to different people. Being generally happy doesnt mean youre punching the air with euphoria every second of every day (that would be unrealistic and highly inconvenient), but it means that occasionally you do feel that way. And sure, you also feel awful sometimes even really awful but its temporary. You know that emotions pass and that the sadness, angst or general meh you feel is a necessary part of processing whats going on in your life. When youre down, you know that tomorrow, or the week or month after that, youll probably feel a bit better. Hell, when that happens you may even punch the air. Why not?

However, a lot of people dont ever feel better. Their emotions dont pass. Theyre stuck in the I feel like shit lane and cant get out. To lose a sense of happiness entirely is to lose everything and I feel an immense amount of empathy towards those many, many people who wake up every single day unhappy.

On which cheerful note: welcome to my book! Come on in there are actually laughs inside, I promise!