Hyrum W. Smith - Pain Is Inevitable, Misery Is Optional

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Smith, Hyrum W. Pain is inevitable, misery is optional / Hyrum W. Smith with Gerreld L. Pulsipher. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN 1-57345-450-8 (alk. paper) 1. SufferingReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 2. PainReligious aspectsChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 3. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day SaintsDoctrines. I. Pulsipher, Gerreld L. II. Title.

BX8643.S93S65 2004248.86dc22 2003025380

Printed in the United States of America 18961-6429

R. R. Donnelley, Crawfordsville, IN

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Acknowledgments

In addition to my good wife, Gail, and our children, there are four people I feel a need to acknowledge in helping me create this book:

Gerreld Pulsipher has been a close and dear friend for many years. Jerry saw me through many of the most painful events of my life in recent years, and he knows much about how I have felt during those experiences. He also played a major role in helping me write three books for the business world, The Ten Natural Laws of Time and Life Management,What Matters Most, and The Modern Gladiator. This book is considerably different from those in substance and tone. Without Jerrys input and skill, this book would not exist. His contribution to this work is so huge that I have insisted that his name be on the title page of the book with mine. Jerry is a man without guile, and the world needs more like him.

Annie Oswald is also a dear and trusted friend. Without her natural feel for what is appropriate and readable, I would be in real trouble. Her editing skills are unmatched. She has a marvelous record in helping a number of authors produce wonderful books. I am so grateful for her tireless efforts, encouragement, and support for this work throughout its preparation.

Sheri Dew must take responsibility for encouraging me to write this book. A great and longtime friend, Sheri kept after me to put all this in writing. There were times when I wondered if we could ever say anything of value to others in this book. But Sheri has been supportive and encouraging through it all, and I have learned much about myself in the process. Thank you, Sheri, for your support and faith in me.

Lastly, this book would not have been possible without the foundation given to me as a young missionary by Elder Marion D. Hanks, my mission president. President Hanks has had more impact on me for good than any other person I have known in my adult life. I learned at his feet in England more than forty years ago as a young missionary, when I first discovered in myself a serious desire to teach. I ached to be able to communicate as well as he did and to have his command of language and the scriptures. I was, and still am, in awe of his ability to lead students to their own minds and to the truths of the restored gospel as contained in the holy scriptures. Through the years President Hanks has stuck by me through many challenges, always there for me as a mentor and a trusted friend. There are no words to express my gratitude to him for his love and example.

One concluding thought: The gospel is true, the one sure guide and road map that will take us back to our heavenly home and our Heavenly Father. While the gospel is true and without error, I also know from experience that I am far from infallible. Therefore, the thoughts offered in this book are my own, and to the degree that they fall short of the perfection of our Heavenly Father and his Beloved Son, I accept full responsibility. I am receiving no royalties from the sale of this book. I simply hope my story can help others.

Prologue

Anguish at 3:00 a.m.

In 2002, December 6 fell on a Friday. The evening before, I had gone to bed early, all too aware of the long day that lay ahead. By 1:00 a.m. I realized that sleep was not going to come, so I wandered alone through the darkened house. The tiny crescent moon had set, and the night seemed darker than usual outside. Pacing the floor in the wee hours of the morning is an activity I had come to know well in the past several years, but for the next three hours I paced the floor with a sense of anxiety that rose with every passing minute.

Four days earlier, I had received a telephone call from one of my missionaries. In the late 1970s, I had served as mission president in the California Ventura Mission, and I was stunned when this missionary informed me that Lowell Hansen, one of our elders, had taken his life the night before, leaving behind a wife and eight children. The rest of that day I thought of Elder Hansen and the experiences we had shared more than two decades ago in the mission field, and my emotions were very close to the surface. My heart went out to his wife and children, and I wondered how they were dealing with the pain of this tragedy.

The next day, Tuesday, I received another telephone callthis time from Emma Jean, Elder Hansens wife. She explained some of the circumstances surrounding his death and asked if I would be willing to be the main speaker for his funeral in the little Idaho farming community where they had lived for several years. I was honored that she would want me to do so, and I told her that I was most willing to accept the invitation.

Now, as I walked the halls of my home on a dark and sleepless night, I was feeling some pain of my own. My mind was racing. In little more than three hours, I was going to get on a plane with Gail, my wife; fly to Idaho Falls; rent a car; and then drive to the small town where the funeral would take place. Ever since Emma Jeans call, I had agonized over what I knew would be one of the most difficult, important, and challenging speaking assignments I had ever been given.

Endless questions coursed through my soul: Why would the family ask me to speak at this funeral? What could I possibly say that would ease the pain or be a source of help or comfort, especially given the tragic circumstances of Lowells untimely death? Why had I in particular been asked to speak? What could I offer through the spoken word that would help this family, whose departed husband and father I had seen only occasionally, at best, in the years since the mission? Surely someone who knew Lowell and Emma Jean and their family better than I did would be a more appropriate speaker for this occasion. How could I help alleviate the pain that must be weighing down the hearts and minds of the family and friends who would attend the funeral? Why would Elder Hansen have taken his life? What was he thinking? What were his children thinking? What were they feeling? My mind kept running in circles. How could I, Hyrum Smith, say anything that would be meaningful?

This was an especially agonizing problem for me because public speaking is something I do for a living. I have spoken to audiences all over the world and given speeches in almost every major city in the United States. And here I was, finding myself literally without words, trying to figure out what to say that would help.