Phil McGraw - Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World

Also by Dr. Phil McGraw

Real Life

Love Smart

Family First

Family First Workbook

The Ultimate Weight Solution

The Ultimate Weight Solution Cookbook

The Ultimate Weight Solution Food Guide

Self Matters

Self Matters Companion

Relationship Rescue

Relationship Rescue Workbook

Life Strategies

Life Strategies Workbook

Copyright 2012 by Phillip C. McGraw

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission from the Publisher.

Published in Los Angeles, California, by Bird Street Books, Inc.

ISBN: 978-0-9854627-3-4

Cover Design: Hagop Kalaidjian

Interior Design: Maureen Forys, Happenstance Type-O-Rama

In memoriam of my mother, Jerry McGraw: a loving mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, who joined our Lord on June 17, 2011.

She was an inspiration in life and in death and is sorely missed but lovingly remembered. And in honor of the never-ending cycle of life: dedicated to my grandchildren, Avery Elizabeth and London Phillip.

The anecdotes in this book are used to illustrate common issues and problems that I have encountered, and do not necessarily portray specific people or situations. No real names have been used.

As with all books, this one contains opinions and ideas of the author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, psychological or any other kind of personal professional services or therapy in the book. The reader should consult his or her medical, health, psychological or other competent professional before adopting any of the concepts in this book or drawing inferences from it. The content of this book, by its very nature, is general, whereas each readers situation is unique. Therefore, as with all books of this nature, the purpose is to provide general information rather than address individual situations, which books by their very nature cannot do.

The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

I first thank my beautiful wife, Robin, who has been by my side for 40 years as weve faced down all the bad guys together and loved up all the good guys, always remaining thankful that our true and loyal friends have outnumbered the bad guys by a country mile! We have been blessed individually and as a couple to have so many wonderful people in our lives across so many years.

To our sons, Jay and Jordan, you are the reasons your mother and I have strived so hard to understand how to survive and succeed in the real world. Thank you for making us proud by becoming the excellent young men you are: Jay, as an outstanding son, father to Avery and London, and husband to your wonderful wife, Erica; and Jordan, as a wonderful son and talented and deeply passionate musician. If the two of you represent our future, then our world is truly blessed. Thanks for always believing in your ol dad. It helps me to keep my feet moving, so as to never let you down.

Thank you, Bob Asahina, for your work on organizing, editing, and researching for this book. Your passion for this project was so obvious and made me know I was on the right track from our very first meeting. Thank you, also, for stimulating me to dig deep, both professionally and personally, for the content within its pages. You made this book better every time you touched it. You are the consummate professional and so much fun to work with!

I acknowledge and deeply appreciate my friend and colleague G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D., A.B.P.P. (a double diplomate), a fellow of the American Psychological Association and chairman of the advisory board for the Dr. Phil show. Thanks for all you have shared and for being at my side personally and professionally for almost 40 years, including your invaluable input on the research, clinical, and content aspects of Life Code.

I am also grateful for the valued opinions and editorial input of one of the most respected psychological experts in the world: John T. Chirban, Ph.D., Th.D., clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School and core faculty member at the Cambridge Hospital. John, thanks for the endless hours of careful review and thoughtful and challenging feedback. You made me and this book better by your comments and by allowing me to see you as a father to your wonderful children over the years.

Thanks to Scott Madsen, who is always deserving of acknowledgment and my deep appreciation for all you do. Thank you, in particular, for your feedback on this book and for running interference and keeping the hounds from my door when I was deep in book mode!

Carla Pennington, you are truly at the heart of my Dr. Phil team, and I thank you for your uncompromising commitment and dedication at my side as we work with so many challenging and deserving stories, many of whom inspired the messages in these pages. I also appreciate your valuable insights and contributions to this book. You always find a way to get it all done when it comes to our work.

Thank you also to Angie Kraus, Melissa Key, Kathy Giaconia, and Barbara Robinson, for your unwavering support, loyalty, and passion. I am grateful for your careful reading and study of this manuscript and for sharing your heartfelt reactions from the first draft forward. You will see your comments and reactions reflected throughout. And thank you, Justin Arluck, for your feedback and for coming up with the acronym BAITER.

Thanks to Bill Dawson, my trusted friend and foxhole buddy, for encouraging me to always search deep into my thoughts, feelings, and experiences that have enlightened me about the real world and how it works. So much of what I have learned and shared here was experienced as we fought them off together in courthouses coast to coast and border to border. As we always say, Death to the enemy!

And a very special thanks to Lisa Clark and the entire team at Bird Street Books. Lisa, you dont seem to have the word no in your vocabulary and apparently never sleep, eat, or go home! Thanks for caring and finding something special in the manuscript every time you read it and reread it.

Of course, thank you, Oprah, my dear and valued friend, for creating the opportunity and platform for Dr. Phil . Had I not met you, I would still be Dr. McGraw, not Dr. Phil, and this book would never have been written. You continue to be an inspiration, and my family and I are grateful for you every day.

To Jan Miller, Shannon Marven, and my team at Dupree Miller & Associates, Inc., I give my sincere thanks. You are a tireless, committed, remarkable group, and you always go far above the call of duty on all of my literary projects.