Phillip C. McGraw - Love Smart: Find the One You Want—Fix the One You Got

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To Robin, my loving wife of twenty-nine years, who knows me from the inside out and loves me anyway!

Every day I wake up by your side is a day worth living.

You are the relationship model.

Robin, you are the culmination of what anyone reading this book would pray for. Our relationship has been the crowning achievement in my life and continues to be to this very day. You have loved me when I have been hard to love, celebrated our love each and every day and mothered our wonderful children. You never, ever stopped being the girl I married even though you have become the woman to whom I am married. In our relationship we have embraced every adventure and have been advocates in each others balcony of life from day one. You taught me about what makes relationships work, and without you I would not be the good parts of the person I am today. Thanks for never complaining about the long hours, solitary book writing and endless challenges. We are just getting started!

Jay and Jordan, thanks for always believing in your dad and being proud of what I do and how I do it. You boys and your mom keep me focused, laughing and feeling good about getting up every day.

And to my mother and father, who unfailingly modeled honoring commitments with fifty-plus years of marriage, I thank you for keeping it together for yourselves as well as for all of us. And especially to my mother for being such a great supporter of me as a husband and father since my fathers death, and such a loving grandmother to our boys. That family relationship bond has had lasting strength as Deana, Donna, Brenda and I have stayed close in our own relationship. And to the three sisters, thanks for spoiling me early and giving me the scoop on girls when I had absolutely no clue. If a mans worth is measured by the love in his family, I am the richest man in the world.

Oprah, thank you for your friendship and for your endless belief and support of my work. You make this world a better place. Your vision for my platform on television and in print has challenged me every day since it began, and I thank you for that. You have made a difference not only in this country, but also in the cradle of humanity by leading by example and living with completeness and honesty.

Thank you to G. Frank Lawlis, Ph.D., who has been my mentor, colleague and friend for thirty years. You have always been there when I needed you and are always willing to help, especially with the most complex, pivotal challenges. Your insight and enthusiasm are absolutely invaluable, and I am grateful for both. Your encyclopedic knowledge of human functioning is also immeasurable.

And to Scott Madsen, who always merits mention: As usual, you have dedicated your days, nights and weekends when you had plenty of other places to be. You have never uttered the word no and for that I give you my deepest appreciation. Thanks for always being there for me and mine over the last thirty-five years. When I go head down and tail up on projects such as this one, you always keep all the fires burning.

Thank you also to Bill Dawson. You are a mind among minds and a trusted and valued friend. Your support on the business and personal front for the last fifteen-plus years has meant and does mean more than you can imagine. Our conversations across the endless hours on everything from religion to Emma the pup are a great refuge. Thanks for always having my back on every front.

If ever there was a crew to have by your side it is the one with me day in and day out. Terri Wood, Carla Pennington, Kandi Amelon and Angie Kraus, you have all been relentlessly committed to making Dr. Phil the TV show live up to our internal challenge of creating the best hour on television and the highest and best use of the medium. There isnt anything that cant be accomplished with the Four Tops in your corner! Then there is the worlds premier publicist and bad boy himself, Chandler Hayes. You are my eyes and ears, and I couldnt walk the walk without you. Thanks for believing so deeply in what we do.

A huge thank you also to Carolyn Reidy, Dominick Anfuso and the Simon & Schuster/Free Press group for always believing in the importance of my message. Your passion in making sure that the words contained herein make it into every pair of hands in America is deeply appreciated.

To Jan Miller and Shannon Miser-Marven, my agents at Dupree/Miller, your passion for my message over the years has been continually uplifting. You two are my literary feminine side, and you make my books so much better because of your hard and tireless work, not to mention making them be on time! Your entire team, including Alia Brinkman, Jennifer Holder, Annabelle Baxter and Nena Madonia with their all important research and organization made this book possible, made it fun and ensured its relevance.

Thank you to Leah Furman, Michele Bender and Bill Kelley, who brought their unique talents to this project. Your involvement was essential, and because of your dedication and work, this book is improved. You were true professionals in every sense of the word, and for that I am grateful.

True Love is the only heart disease that is best left to run onthe only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired.

MARK TWAIN, NOTEBOOK

Peopleyou, me, all of usare pretty much social animals. Left to our own devices, we tend to seek one anothers companymentally, physically, spiritually. You can put a small number of people in a large space, and in a short time they will cluster, seeking to see, hear and touch one another.

Just being around other people doesnt seem to be enough. On the day-to-day level, we, as human beings, tend to pair off seeking more than to just hang out with random bipeds. We seem to need to fall in love, be in love and share love. Since we all seem to kind of want the same things, you would think it would be relatively easy to pair up and meet each others mutual needs. But have you ever noticed that the smarter and more sophisticated we become, the harder we seem to make those parts of our life that should be the easiest? I have people tell me all the time that for some reason, they just cant seem to find another human being who is willing to share the two little words we and us, let alone put their boots under their bed and start filing joint tax returns. They tell me that they just cant get a date and if they do, its either with some mouth-breather they hope they never see again or a decent guy who wont call back, either because he doesnt want to or is afraid his wife might find out. As a result, they just sit around watching the drapes fade.

As a few excerpts from your e-mails and letters show, at least most of you are keeping a sense of humor: