Richard OConnor - Rewire: Change Your Brain to Break Bad Habits, Overcome Addictions, Conquer Self-Destruc tive Behavior

I m a psychotherapist by training with thirty-plus years of practice, and several books Im proud of. I know a lot about theories of the mind and psychopathology, about the techniques of psychotherapy. But in looking back over my career Ive realized how limited our approaches are. Many people come to therapy because they are somehow getting in their own wayunable to get what they want, sabotaging their best efforts, unable to see how they put up barriers to intimacy, to success, to happiness. It takes a lot of hard therapeutic work for us to discover how theyre doing it to themselves, and even more work to help them learn to do things differently. And of course I see the same things in myselfbad habits I was sure I would have outgrown by now. To our chagrin, we remain persistently ourselves.

Self-destructive behavior is a universal human problem that has garnered little professional attention; its not the subject of many books. Thats probably because most theories hold that self-destructive actions are always a symptom of some underlying problem, like addiction, or depression, or a personality disorder. But there are many people who dont fit a standard diagnosis who cant seem to get out of their own way. Too often, our behavior takes on a life of its own and turns into a pit we cant crawl out of, even if were aware that it makes us miserable. Then there are self-destructive patterns that we dont see but that still hurt us over and over. Often most of the work in psychotherapy is about these issues.

The bottom line is that there are powerful forces within us that resist change, even when we can clearly see what would be good for us. Bad habits die hard. It seems as if we have two brains, one wanting the best for us, and the other digging in its heels in a desperate, often unconscious, effort to hold on to the status quo. New knowledge about how the brain works is helping us to understand this divided self, giving us guidance and hope that we can do more to overcome our fears and resistances.

Psychotherapists can help a great many people, but we have far too many dissatisfied customers, who didnt get what they came for. This book is addressed to those who have been disappointed, to those who dont expect any help, who feel theyre doomed to keep on shooting themselves in the foot. And to those who never thought of therapy, but who know they can sometimes be their own worst enemywhich probably takes in most of the world. There is plenty of reason for hope now, from many different fields in psychology and brain science, which together will give you a road map to overcoming whatever self-destructive habits are troublesome to you.

Self-Destructive Behavior Patterns

M ost of us find ourselves too often repeating the same mistakes, stuck in bad habits, and few of us understand why. Procrastination, lack of assertion, disorganization, smoking, overworking, poor sleep habits, lack of consideration, depressed shopping, Internet addictionall the way up through drug addiction and deliberate self-harm. Generally we know what were doing to ourselves, and we keep promising to reform. Indeed, we do try, often enough, but these habits are hard to break. Every time we try but fail, we become more hopeless and more critical of ourselves. Self-destructive habits like these are the greatest source of unnecessary misery in our lives.