Marcia Wieder - Accessing Your Power

In selected anecdotes in this book, names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals.

Copyright 2005

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Accessing Your Power

Introduction

In the past, we have been told we can have it all (whatever it is). Im not sure that having it all is necessarily a good thing. But I do know one thing: Whether your dream is to have it all, or just a satisfying small part of it, youre going to have to use it all to get there. The title of this book, Accessing Your Power, encourages you to use all of the tools you already have at your disposal to make your dream come true. What tools? Self-awareness. Thought. Focus. Desire. Fear (yes, absolutely). And many others. Trust that everything you need is already inside you. Keep the big picture uppermost in your mind and use every single tool you have to move your dream forward.

-Marcia Wieder

Duke Ellington, American jazz composer and musician

Our lives are filled with choices. Every day we have the opportunity to choose so many things, and this book is about using it all and learning to replace the this or that choice with this and that.

There is a powerful energy that becomes available to us as we learn how to hold two things at once. And then there is integration, which is the art of bringing things together in order to have more. Sometimes integration combines many things and can help make something stronger or a little easier.

My friend Gary uses integration to create more balance in his life. He practices bringing his daily personal and spiritual practices into alignment with the business portion of his life. He doesnt want to choose this or that. He practices being centered. He works at being a whole and balanced person, producing in the real world.

Balance is an interesting concept, for we each have a different and unique balance point. Working 10- or 12-hour days may be in balance for some, where others go completely out of balance if they have to go to an office every day. Its empowering to know what works for you and where your balance point is, both personally and professionally. When is it too much and when is it not enough? Balance is about knowing and noticing what you need at any moment and, most important, about shifting from where you are to where you need to be.

I spent more than 10 years as what I would call a serious businesswoman. That was my life. I had no time to play to cook, to socialize, and most important no time to take care of me. I didnt even take the time to know myself. Integration and balance were missing. I was very one-dimensional.

I moved out West with the intention of changing my lifestyle, and I did. Every aspect of my life slowed down, deepened and became richer. I learned to breathe and to actually smell the roses. For more than a year, I did what I needed to do professionally to get by, but mostly I healed myself. I met myself for the first time and took the necessary time to begin to know myself and my needs. I said no a lot and kept to myself. And soon the phone stopped ringing. It was a little scary, but I knew it was what I needed.

Finally it felt like the time to resurface, so I started saying yes, and of course the phone started ringing again. Then a new fear set in. I was afraid that I would revert back to my old ways and stop taking care of myself. I had evidence of this.

I was preparing to go back to New York for a high school reunion. I knew they would all have baby pictures, so I brought my baby a copy of my first book. I realized that I was about to fly 3,000 miles just for the reunion and had nothing else scheduled. This thought was reminiscent of the old me. In my new life, if I had a few business appointments in a week, it was fine. For the old me, somehow it never felt like enough.

I recognized my ego and old identity as thoughts came up such as, Am I accomplished enough? In order to show myself and them that I was, I flipped back into Super Businesswoman mode. I booked five appointments for one day in New York City.

And of course they were big important appointments: my publisher, Working Woman magazine, Success magazine, Ogilvy & Mather, the National Association of Female Executives and a lunch in between. It was exciting to get the response I received, but at what price?

I squeezed in a quick shopping trip to my favorite discount outlet. I was out of control. I spent $200 in about 10 minutes and proceeded to leave my shopping bag in an overheated taxi (never to be seen again) where the driver refused to turn on the air-conditioning. Overheated and out of air-doesnt life give us the most literal metaphors?

I totally overdid it (in 100-degree heat). That day I promised myself I would learn to integrate my new life practices of being calm and centered with my old productive side. This is something I continue to work at. It takes serious awareness and practice.

My phone rings a lot. I am grateful, yet sometimes I let my answering service pick it up. Sometimes I play music in the office. Some days I dont work. I notice the more I take care of me, the better my service and the quality of my work are. I practice not being fragmented, but rather using all of me. I dont want to be still so I can do more, but rather bring my stillness to my work. This is not a small point. I dont want to leave play to go to work. I want to play and have fun at work.

Sometimes we separate aspects of ourselves that would serve us better to weave together. With a little awareness and effort, we can become more integrated and have much more of ourselves.

Its too easy to let our stuff get in the way and believe or decide that we cant have it all or that theres always a price to pay for having what we want. One thing we can pretty much count on is that life will provide distractions. There are so many wonderful or annoying things happening all the time. The question becomes how are you going to interact with them, or how will they impact you? In other words, how are you going to do your life?

How we behold and interact with our daily occurrences determines how we live and feel about our life. A successful speaker friend told me that when her phone rings and she is in demand for speaking, she feels good. She feels needed and important and liked. On quiet days she often feels lousy. She noticed how easily her circumstances were dictating how she felt. This did not feel like a powerful way to live life, and in recognizing this behavior she began to change it.