Table of Contents
This book is
dedicated to the part of
YOU that desires to create a
life filled with love, harmony
and alignment with your
higher purpose.
Acknowledgments
Since this book is about personal growth and creating a fulfilling life, I first want to thank those people who have been most instrumental in my own growth. Early on, Brian Strehlke helped entice me out of my shell. Later, Justin Gold, Joyce Walton and Ram Dass helped propel me into other worlds. Tony Robbins introduced me to the power of questions. I thank you all for your contributions to my life. And the love of my sweetheart, Helena, and the indwelling Spirit motivate me to keep growing toward greater joy and wonder.
For the I.C.A.N. method outlined in this book, I want to thank Simon DArcy, Bruce Randall and David Sampanis for their contributions. My family and friends have all been very supportive of my goals. I am ever grateful to all of you.
Questions Are the Answer
The next message you need is always right where you are.
Ram Dass
According to an ancient Eastern story, one day the gods were discussing where they should hide Truth so human beings would not find it so easily. If people found truth too easily, the gods were afraid they would have little to keep themselves amused. One god put forth, Lets hide Truth on top of the highest mountain. That way, only the most disciplined and strong will be able to find Truth. Another god countered, Lets hide Truth in the deepest, darkest cave. That way, only the bravest will find Truth. But the wisest of the gods laughed and said, It is not necessary to hide Truth on top of a mountain or in a cave. All we need do is hide Truth within each persons own heart. That is the last place human beings would think to look.
I believe we all have a storehouse of wisdom within us. Unfortunately, we get distracted from listening to and acting upon the truths that are within our own hearts. We turn to books, therapists and friends for answers that can only come from our own selves. So how can we quickly and easily access this inner wisdom? By asking the right questions. Asking ourselves a good question is like having a truly helpful psychotherapy session, but without all the expense.
I know the power of questions because Ive used certain questions to dramatically change the course of my life. As a teenager, I was painfully shy. In fact, I rarely spoke to anyone. I didnt have a single friend. Inside my head I would continually think, What if I say something and I sound like a fool? By focusing on this negative question, I became paralyzed with fear in social situations. One day, grace descended on me in the form of a question. While seeing a new kid in class, I thought to myself, What interesting things might I learn about this person? When I focused in this new positive way, I became less self-conscious. When I ventured to ask this classmate about himself, we made a real nice connection. I had my first friend. Soon, I was asking others all sorts of thought-provoking questions, and I made many more friends. Eventually, my curiosity about other people led to my occupation as a psychotherapist and author. Asking myself a different question changed my life.
Typically, psychotherapists are portrayed as spending their days listening to peoples problems. But thats not why we get paid $50 to $150 an hour. After all, a friend can listen to your problems for free. The reason psychotherapists get paid so much is that they ask their clients specific questions to help them access their own unique wisdom. The problem is, without the right questions, we can become focused on beliefs and behaviors that fail to get us what we really want. On the other hand, with the right questions, we have the power to hear our inner wisdom and create our lives the way we desire.
Over the last 20 years, I have been a self-help book junkie. Ive read hundreds of books about everything from how to have great relationships to easy ways to make millions of dollars. Fortunately, almost all the self-help books Ive read have come to the same conclusion. They all basically say success comes from focusing your mind in ways that lead to better decisions and more effective behavior. How can that be done? I have found that asking good questions is the easiest and quickest way to make better evaluations, and thereby better decisions. As we change our mental focus, we see things that were invisible to us before. We learn to focus on what we ultimately want, such as feelings of love, peace and joy. Soon enough, what we focus on grows.
The lyrics to the Bruce Springsteen song Hungry Heart talk about flowing like a river, proceeding down the wrong path full steam ahead. When it comes to checking on how our life, relationships, health and other matters are going, we rarely look to see where were headed. Perhaps we think about such things once or twice a year, but thats not enough. If you checked to see if your car was headed in the right direction only once a year, youd certainly crash. Questions help us stay on course in life, or gently move us back on track when weve fallen off our desired path.
How to Use This Book
Think of this book as an encyclopedia for how to successfully deal with any situation in your life. If youre interested in learning how to get better control of your finances, read the chapters dealing with career and money. If youre feeling dissatisfied with your love life, go to the chapter on relationships. When you find the appropriate section, youll find a list of thought-provoking questions. Unlike most self-help books, youll find no advice or answers. The best answers are conveniently placed in an easy-to-reach locationinside you. All thats needed are the right questions to help trigger your intuitive, innate wisdom. When you find a question that calls to you and your current life situation, take some time with it. Meditate on it. Let the question sink into the depths of your being. When the appropriate answer arrives, it will feel like you have found something that was temporarily lost.
There are several ways you can use the questions in this book for your benefit. Many people find that writing down their answers in a journal helps them to explore their thoughts more thoroughly. In addition, writing down your answers allows you to refer back to your initial insights for later use. Another way to use this book is to have a friend or family member ask the questions youre interested in pursuing. Sharing your answers with someone you trust can lead to additional insights, feedback and intimacy.
When contemplating these questions, allow yourself to use both your rational and intuitive abilities to come up with the best possible answer(s). To tap into your intuition, its helpful to first take time to quiet your mind. I believe each person knows of an activity that helps him or her to feel peaceful inside. For some, it may be spending time in nature or going for a walk. For others, it could be spending quiet time in meditation or prayer, or listening to music. Once your mind is quiet, it will be easier to know when an answer to a question truly feels right. While the rational mind figures things out through a linear thought process, our intuitive mind knows things by how they feel. After asking a question and listening inside for an answer, notice what your gut feeling is. With a little practice, youll soon be able to decipher the voice of true intuitive guidance.
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