Jonathan Robinson - More Love Less Conflict: A Communication Playbook for Couples

Praise for More Love, Less Conflict

More Love, Less Conflict is brimming with wonderful ideas and methods that can help any couple experience a deeper, more profound connection.

John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

More Love, Less Conflict will give you just that: more love. It rests on the premise that love is not just something we feel from time to time (if we are lucky) but is also something we can cultivate and get better at through conscious practice. This book is full of practical tools that you can use to generate more love in your life.

Arjuna Ardagh, author of Radical Brilliance and The Translucent Revolution

Jonathan has created a wonderful resource to help us all improve our communication and understand each other better. If we all applied these ideas in our relationships, the world would be a far more peaceful place!

Lori Deschene, author of Tiny Buddha's Gratitude Journal and other books, creator of the website tinybuddha.com

More Love, Less Conflict is the book that provides all the real and effective shortcuts to live a life of deep connection with your mate, your family, and even your friends. If you want to get more of what you want in lifemore love, more intimacy, and less difficultythis book can help get you there.

Peter Sandhill, facilitator, Human Awareness Institute

Engaging, illuminating, and accessible. More Love, Less Conflict is full of practical ideas and powerful exercises for any couple seeking to strengthen their communication and deepen their connection.

Suzann Pileggi Pawelski, MAPP and James O. Pawelski, PhD, coauthors of Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts

This edition first published in 2018 by Conari Press, an imprint of

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

65 Parker Street, Suite 7

Newburyport, MA 01950

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2018 by Jonathan Robinson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages

ISBN: 978-1-57324-727-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Robinson, Jonathan, 1959- author.

Title: More love, less conflict : a communication playbook for couples / Jonathan Robinson.

Description: Newburyport, MA : Conari Press, 2018. | Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2018000897 | ISBN 9781573247276 (pbk. : alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Couples--Psychology. | Man-woman relationships. | Interpersonal communication. | Interpersonal relations.

Classification: LCC HQ801 .R595 2018 | DDC 306.7--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018000897

Cover design by Kathryn Sky-Peck

Cover photograph Exactostock-1527 / Shutterstock

Interior by Jane Hagaman

Typeset in Sabon and Avenir

Printed in Canada

MAR

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For over thirty years, I've been a therapist with a focus on providing clients with practical tools they can use immediately at home. Most couples aren't interested in dredging up childhood issues in long months of therapy. Instead, they want effective ways to sidestep arguments, handle ongoing challenges, or once again enjoy the love and connection they knew at the beginning of their relationship.

When we share deeply satisfying and intimate moments with our partners, it gives our lives joy and meaning. The problem is that most couples don't know how to create such moments consistently. With the pace and myriad distractions of modern life, many couples find the connection they crave is crowded out by their to-do lists. Furthermore, when disagreements erupt, they often get lost in blame and don't know how to climb out of the hole they're in. That's when a good strategy or helpful idea can be a lifesaver. With the right information, you can quickly find your way back to your shared loving heart.

I've seen hundreds of couples go through difficult times. I've seen the new challenges they face in this age of social media, constant change, and harried lives. Fortunately, there's good news. Each year, researchers learn new and better ways to help couples get back to the love they really want. With the methods and ideas in this book, you and your partner can quickly find the path to more love and less conflict.

You may be wondering: What's a communication playbook? A playbook is a book of strategies to help you achieve a certain goal. In terms of relationships, the goal is simple: to experience more love and less conflict. With effective strategies, you can create moments of intimacy, depth, and connection whenever you desire.

Robert and Claire entered my office looking as if they couldn't stand sitting in the same building together, much less on the same couch. When I asked Claire what had brought them to counseling, she launched into a tirade about how she was married to a lying, conniving, self-absorbed, good-for-nothing jerk. Robert's assessment of his mate was even less kind. Evidently, the animosity between them had been building for years. But by teaching them some of the techniques you'll learn in this book, by the end of the hour, they were lovingly holding hands. They had miraculously dropped their anger and blame and were back in love. That's what can happen when couples learn to communicate effectively.

In , I begin by outlining how to create a strong foundation on which love and connection can be built and flourish. Knowing how to communicate effectively is one of the most important skills you can learn in life. Besides impacting the success of your intimate relationships, this one skill also helps determine how well you relate to your kids, your friends, your family, and even how much money you make in your career. According to a famous Harvard study, the best predictor of the quality of people's health and the level of their happiness is the quality of their relationships. So, congratulations for picking up this book!

In can help you discover many new, helpful, and valuable things about your partner.

In , you'll read about various methods and ideas for increasing love in your relationship. In these chapters, you'll find structured exercises for dramatically increasing the positive connection and intimacy you have with your partner. Even if you choose not to do the structured techniques outlined here, just reading about them will help you feel more intimate with your mate. At the end of each of these chapters, I offer simple and easy practices for creating more fun and affection in your relationship. In fact, these simple practices can be done with anyone at any time, and they can help you create heartfelt moments of connection throughout your daily life.

In , we'll examine communication methods specifically geared toward reducing conflict and helping couples get through rough times. These can save you a lot of money by helping you avoid divorce court or a year in a therapist's office! More important, they can help you quickly resolve conflicts so that you can actually get back to the love and fun you really want in your relationship.