Akirah Robinson - Respected: How One Word Can Change More Than Just Your Love Life

If I had my way, every gal in the universe would understand the importance of being respected in her relationships. That includes you. And the gal next to you. And her second cousin.

My entire love life completely changed after I started receiving respect from the men I dated. Not only did I stop attaching myself to unkind men, I somehow stopped attracting them too. I had much more fun with dating because I was no longer rushing to find a husband. Instead, I started spending my precious time with men who treated me the way I deserve. During times when dates were few and far between, I had no problem living my life and creating happiness on my own.

After so many failed attempts at dating, it was as if a light bulb went off and all the pressure I had put on myself to find The One suddenly lifted. Being respected became my number one priority. And I think it should be yours too.

I have no clue what your love life looks like right now. You might be happily single, contemplating a breakup, or dating your pretty butt off. No matter what phase of life youre in currently, I want you to know you deserve to be respected.

In fact, I want respect to come so naturally to you that you dont even think about it when you require it. I want you to be the gal who doesnt compromise her standards just because shes tired of being single.

But the important question is: Do you want to be that gal?

If so, keep reading.

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As a breakup coach (yes, thats a real thing), I help women heal from heartache and learn how to date smarter. I absolutely love my work and Im always amazed that I have the opportunity to connect with such wonderful women all over the world.

While I think Im great at what I do, I know Im not the best coach for every woman I meet. You see, even though I write a lot about love and dating, I dont claim to be a dating connoisseur. In fact, dating experts kind of perplex me.

About ten years ago, I desperately wanted to get married. I read so many books about dating that it almost didnt make sense how I could still be single. I followed each rule given to me religiously. I never called or texted men first because I didnt want to seem too eager. I dated multiple men at once so that I wouldnt get too attached to any of them. I also maintained my appearance by buying new clothes each month, exercising regularly, and getting my nails done every Saturday.

Doing those things in and of themselves was not unhealthy, but I was overly meticulous about everything I did, in hopes of finding my husband. My desire for marriage was unhealthy because I was dating from a place of utter desperation. Im almost certain the men I dated could sense this, which is probably why I struggled to find a healthy and stable relationship.

It took a while, but eventually I realized that relationships are non-formulaic, especially romantic ones. Theres no guarantee that implementing a set of dating rules can ensure well meet the right person and live happily ever after. Im afraid that in our society, which glorifies immediate gratification and certainty, we sometimes fail to accept that. I definitely fell into this trap.

Life is a mysterious mix of beautiful, challenging, and painful experiences. No one can predict how it will unfold and we dont always understand why it unfolds the way it does. Theres no dating book or relationship expert in the world who can tell you exactly what to do in order to find love. Certainly there are situations where meeting someone and falling in love are possible, but really, there are no step-by-step instructions for any of this. I mean, if there was, wed all be married with 2.5 kids, right?

This is why I dont promise any client that I can help her find the love of her lifeunless shes willing to call herself the love of her life. When I work with women, I dont view their single lives as big messes to be fixed. I dont believe theyre single because they arent happy enough on their own or they need to go back to therapy or they need to lose some more weight. Not only do those explanations seem like the wrong answers, but asking Why am I still single? feels like the wrong question.

Instead, I work best with women who are ready to put themselves first. These women understand that doing the hard work of healing, facing their issues, and creating the lives they want to live right now will better prepare them to participate in a healthy relationship in the future. Doing those things will also help them thrive as they wait patiently for their Someone Special.

If youre blessed with something before youre ready to fully enjoy and handle it, it can quickly turn into a burden. And neither one of us wants that to happen. Hence, this book.

Respected is divided into three sections. In the first section, we will explore the necessity of loving ourselves before we try to love someone else (or ask someone else to love us). The second section contains my best advice on how to expect respect within romantic relationships and uphold the standards that match our deepest desires. I also discuss how to move forward after a difficult breakup (I wouldnt be a breakup coach if I didnt talk about breakups in my first book, right?). The last section is filled with stories of heartache from some of the most wonderful women I know. I think its quite likely that you will find their stories as inspirational as I do, as each one of these women has learned what it means to be respected and to flourish in the midst of hardship.

Additionally, at the end of each chapter, you will find questions for you to consider. I suggest answering these questions in your journal, or finding a close friend with whom you can discuss the answers.