Phil Parker - The Ten Questions to Ask for Success

THE
10 QUESTIONS
TO ASK FOR
SUCCESS

Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by:
Hay House UK Ltd, 292B Kensal Rd, London W10 5BE.
Tel.: (44) 20 8962 1230; Fax: (44) 20 8962 1239.
www.hayhouse.co.uk

Published and distributed in the United States of America by:
Hay House, Inc., PO Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100.
Tel.: (1) 760 431 7695 or (800) 654 5126; Fax: (1) 760 431 6948 or (800) 650 5115.
www.hayhouse.com

Published and distributed in Australia by:
Hay House Australia Ltd, 18/36 Ralph St, Alexandria NSW 2015.
Tel.: (61) 2 9669 4299; Fax: (61) 2 9669 4144.
www.hayhouse.com.au

Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by:
Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd, PO Box 990, Witkoppen 2068.
Tel./Fax: (27) 11 467 8904.
www.hayhouse.co.za

Published and distributed in India by:
Hay House Publishers India, Muskaan Complex, Plot No.3, B-2,
Vasant Kunj, New Delhi 110 070.
Tel.: (91) 11 4176 1620; Fax: (91) 11 4176 1630.
www.hayhouse.co.in

Distributed in Canada by:
Raincoast, 9050 Shaughnessy St, Vancouver, BC V6P 6E5.
Tel.: (1) 604 323 7100; Fax: (1) 604 323 2600

Previously published in the UK by Nipton Publishing

Text Phil Parker, 2000, 2012

The moral rights of the author have been asserted.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher.

The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the readers discretion and risk. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, or the suggestions made or the failure to take medical advice.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-84850-811-8
ISBN 978-1-84850-859-0 in Mobipocket format
ISBN 978-1-84850-860-6 in ePub format

For the very lovely Natasha

Id like to thank so many inspirational people for their help and assistance while writing this book, especially my kids. I love you all.

Thanks go to the tireless Ros for editing and proofreading the first edition, to the magical Barbara for her peerless editing of this edition, and to all at Hay House for their brilliant support.

A heartfelt thank you must also go to the pioneers of NLP and hypnotherapy who have inspired me so much, especially Milton Erickson, Richard Bandler and John Grinder, Connirae and Steve Andreas (especially for ), and Robert Dilts.

Finally, Id like to thank all of my teachers throughout the years. Especially those who were appalling: you taught me as much, perhaps, by beautifully demonstrating how not to do it! You probably dont even know who you are.

THE 10 QUESTIONS
A Swiss Army Knife for Life

A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.
FRANCIS BACON

Everyone.

Well, of course youd probably expect me to say that, but these skills are so universally important that you can consider this a toolkit for success, in any area of your life. Its an essential instruction manual, a Swiss army knife for life.

This book is for you if youre interested in personal development and the pursuit of excellence, both for yourself and when working with others. It can be your own personal coach, or used in a professional capacity if you are a professional coach, therapist or business leader. You can use it to:

• design and achieve your dreams
• ensure that your relationships work well, flourish and are fulfilling
• manage your business more effectively
• satisfy your customers and clients needs
• be more successful
• break through areas of stuckness, blockage and conflict in your life
• stop recurrent arguments both within yourself and with others: your partner, your kids or anyone else
• sort out misunderstandings
• release yourself from self-doubt, negative thoughts and unwanted behaviours and habits
• communicate, be understood and understand others more effectively
• assist others on their paths away from conflict, wasted time and energy, and towards transformation and fulfilment.

You might be thinking How can that be when its just full of questions? Surely I want answers, not questions?

While this is a reasonable request, it might surprise you to discover that the most important thing that Ive learned from over two decades of working in this field is: Providing solutions, advice, suggestions or answers doesnt really help much.

Even more unhelpful, in particular, is unrequested advice, which is like pouring milk into someones orange juice.

Some of you might have already discovered these truths and are looking for the tools and skills to ask the right questions. Wherever you are in this journey of discovery, whether youre new to this or have seen some of it before, you will gain new tools, new perspectives and, if you want it, a new life.

Lets start by reviewing why questions can be so much more valuable than answers.

First, the answers I might offer for your problems will be my solutions to them, and not yours. And although these solutions might have worked well for me, they might not be great for you. For instance:

Q: Should I marry that girl?

Advice: No, I dont find her attractive.

How useful is my advice here?

Secondly, if I simply supply you with answers then you wont go through the process of finding a solution for yourself. This finding a solution process is essential in helping you to create solutions for other problems you might come across in the future. If you dont go through this finding a solution process here, then when you get stuck at some future point, youre likely either to apply exactly the same solutions as I suggested before, which may be inappropriate for that scenario, or ask someone else for help. Asking someone else for help is a reasonable strategy, but what if there is no one around to ask, or if the only source of advice is not very helpful or just plain wrong?

You can see how this applies not just to working on your own issues but also to working with individuals, with teams, in business, a relationship or a management setting. Giving out answers makes the recipients more dependent on others, less able to make decisions and less in touch with whats right for them.

When you begin by recognizing that you already have the answers to your problems, within you, then discovering those answers not only gives you the perfect solution but also trains you to overcome different kinds of problems in the future, and leaves you with a sense of feeling good about yourself for having worked it out by yourself.

This follows along the lines of the slightly overused, yet continually valid, management mantra Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to fish and he feeds himself forever (unless hes vegetarian, which means you havent been asking the right question!)