Carrie Silver-Stock - Secrets Girls Keep. What Girls Hide (& Why) and How to Break the Stress of Silence

What teens and others are saying aboutSecrets Girls Keep

As media and commercial culture is putting increasing pressure on girls to conform to standards that can be very harmful to themselves and their relationships with others, Secrets Girls Keep gives teenage girls down-to-earth, practical, heartfelt advice that will empower them to resist the pressure and take care of themselves and others in these hard-to-grow-up times. Parents will thank Carrie Silver-Stock for giving them this book to give to and discuss with their daughters.

Diane Levin, Ph.D.
professor of education, Wheelock College,
and author of So Sexy So Soon

The key to happiness is getting real and finding a way to be okay with who we are... our authentic selves. How great would it be to learn how to tap into this honest and open place as a teenager? When girls follow Carries guidelines for shedding their secrets and taking charge of their lives, the world has no choice but to be a better place!

Deborah Reber
teen advocate, speaker, and author

Secrets Girls Keep is compelling in its honesty, openness, and just plain good sense. Written for teenage girls who face pressures that are almost impossible to imagine, it models getting beneath the silence and shame that all too often accompany life problems (loss, sex, abuse, eating problems, mood disorder) and actively engages them in self-exploration and disclosure. A vitally important book.

Stephen Hinshaw, Ph.D.
professor and chair, department of psychology,
UC Berkeley, author of The Triple Bind:
Saving Our Teenage Girls from Todays Pressures

I loved Secrets Girls Keep because it helped me figure out a lot about myself. The book was very inspiring. I also loved the book because it helps me to talk to my friends better and even my mom.

Tierra B., 14

Teen girls are the future leaders of our families, workplaces, and communities. Secrets Girls Keep is an invaluable tool for helping every girl make the right choices for herself while growing up. Silver-Stock shows girls how to find their own voice and path as they strive to become future leaders while navigating the ups and downs of young adulthood. Every girl who is determined to succeed will love the solid advice, straightforward approach, and the real life stories shared by other girls.

Sandra Yancey
founder and CEO, eWomenNetwork, Inc.

A heartfelt book dedicated to helping girls stay strong, brave and fearless. Secrets Girls Keep is an honest account of growing up female. Every reader can find a story she can relate to and the support she needs to make it.

Rachel Muir
fearless leader, Girlstart

Carrie-Silver Stock has done a marvelous job of addressing the challenges teen girls face. Lets face it, its not easy growing up, but heres a book that provides real life stories, practical advice and seven important tips to help teen girls become more empowered, confident, healthy and productive. I will be recommending it to all the teen girls in my life... and their parents, too.

Susan Kallash-Bailey
mother and CEO of Solutions with Heart

At a time when were all looking for change, we cant forget the coming generations of young women in our world. Carries book isnt a how-to book; it goes much deeper, providing firsthand examples of why it might be a difficult journey for young women in todays world, but not an impossible one. The Seven Tips should be memorized by everyone who is a preteen girl or knows one.

Magi Henderson
youth services director, Glen Carbon Centennial Library

Secrets
Girls Keep

What Girls Hide
(& Why) and How to Break
the Stress of Silence

Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.

Health Communications, Inc.
Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Silver-Stock, Carrie.

Secrets girls keep / Carrie Silver-Stock.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

eISBN-13:978-0-7573-9601-4 eISBN-10:0-7573-9601-1

1. GirlsPsychology. 2. GirlsSocial networks. I. Title.

HQ777.S55 2009
155.5'33dc22

2009023433

2009 Carrie Silver-Stock, M.S.W., L.C.S.W.

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.

3201 S.W. 15th Street

Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover design by Andrea Perrine Brower
Interior design and formatting by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

For every girl with a secret...

Too many of us think were the only ones dealing with a problem, or if we share something personal, well be judged, ridiculed, or looked down upon. On the contrary, it is only by sharing our experiences (and our secrets) that real progress begins and hope is born.

My deepest thanks to every girl who courageously shared her life stories, secrets, lessons, and ideas. Your resilience, hope, and courage inspire me.

The stories in this book are written by real girls. In some cases, the stories are composites and names, ages, and other identifying information have been changed.

Contents

Introduction: Seven Tips Every Girl Needs
to Deal with Any Problem

This book is for every girl with a secret. That makes all of us, doesnt it? Our secrets... they help us, hurt us, and seem to be part of our rite of passage into, through, and beyond the teen years. I think most teenage girls have secrets; some cement our friendships, others come in the form of hiding behind a fake smile to please a teacher, laughing at something even when we dont think its funny, or pretending not to have an eating disorder, addiction, or some other problem.

I dont want girls to have to fake it anymore. I dont want girls to hide their fears, their pain, or their despair. I want us to be able to tell our truths, share our secrets and stories, and give each other the strength and courage we need to be ourselves and follow our dreams. It is by opening up and sharing that we take steps toward our best lives. In a world that is changing and opening up with more opportunities for girls and women, dont we all want to put our best foot forward to embrace these possibilities?

After all, you are amazing, courageous, intelligent, unique, and beautiful! Can you accept that? Or are you going to let society brand you with one of its labels? Unfortunately, you know labels get put on people all of the time. For teen girls, you know what the list contains: the popular girl, the pretty girl, the jock, the book nerd, the prep, the Goth, and the list goes on.

This book is about dropping the labels weve given ourselves and the labels weve given one another. This book is about celebrating being girls and sharing the ideas and secrets that connect all of us. Im tired of all of us buying into what society tells us we need to be in order to be accepted, pretty, and successful. Its based on the premise that were never beautiful enough, never good enough, and worse, we better knock each other down to get to the top. I dont believe it needs to be that way. I want to start a movement where girls push back the stereotypes, false labels, and images that surround us. I want to create a safe place where girls create and own their biggest dreams, a place where we can support each other, and a place where we take action in our own lives and the world around us.