Chad Eastham - The Truth About Breaking Up, Making Up, and Moving On

2013 by Chad Eastham

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Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Original illustrations by James A. Phinney.

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Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from THE ENGLISH STANDARD VERSION. 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Eastham, Chad, 1980

The truth about breaking up, making up, and moving on / by Chad Eastham.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4003-2115-5 (pbk.)

1. Dating (Social customs)Juvenile literature. 2. Dating (Social customs)Religious aspectsChristianityJuvenile literature. 3. Interpersonal relations in adolescenceJuvenile literature. 4. Separation (Psychology)Juvenile literature. 5. LoveJuvenile literature. I. Title.

HQ801.E274 2013

306.73dc23

2012032794

Printed in the United States of America

13 14 15 16 17 QG 6 5 4 3 2 1

To anyone reading this who has ever felt disheartened and confused, hurt or lost... you are not alone. You are surrounded by countless multitudes of people everywhere who are just like you. Just like us. But you dont have to stay confused or lost or in pain. We might forget this sometimesor may not know at all. But there is nothing in your life, no matter how difficult or painful, that cannot be turned into something very beautiful. So please, have lots of hope... and this book is for you.

CONTENTS

Some Bad Things... Arent

IM TIRED OF THE SAME ADVICE

S tarting a book by talking about yourself probably isnt the most effective way to capture a reader, and I know this. Im terribly sorry. But I decided to write this book a little differently because of a single thought that kept tapping on my brain... rudely, since I was having coffee on my porch that morning. The thought was:

This doesnt work.

I was thinking about a lot of things at that moment, really, and I mean a lot of things. Like the way squirrels in my front yard wont play with me. But more serious stuff too. Like the way we talk about lifeour own relationships, our feelings, and our deepest insecurities. I look at charts and data and education initiatives, not to mention Christian culture, the trendy youth group names and popular fads, the applied psychology of teen social issues, and other things more boring than this list... and it just popped up, over and over, tapping at my brain: this doesnt work. And here is why I thought this odd, vague, not-yet-explained phrase... because it doesnt. It needs to change. The whole conversation needs to change. Most importantly... we need to change.

FIGURING IT OUT

I have developed a thing for front porches in the last couple of years. And I love my front porch. When I work from home, Im pretty much in my office or on the porch. In my front yard, there are these two giant old trees, which help the porch vibe, obviously, with a forty-foot-tall canopy. It has a very Jurassic Parky vibe, but without dinosaurs. Also, most people on my street are friendly, and I dont live on an island.

I sit on the porch any morning Im at home and do a little relaxingreading, reflecting, maybe praying, and just taking a few moments to wake up my mind peacefully. (Coffee also helps.) I watch these two little squirrels chase each other around the yard. I also have a hammock I spend a lot of time inmostly just because hammocks are awesome and people dont have to explain why they have them.

For me, being outside in any way is a good reminder of many thingsone is that not everything is air-conditioned. And another is that, in fact, I live on a planet that is zipping through space at over 66,700 miles an hour, spinning in a circle at roughly 1,000 miles an hour. (NASA nerds like me, anyone?) All that is to say that Ive thought through a lot of things on that front porch, watching squirrels usually. Here are a few...

OUT OF TOUCH

Sometimes Im really out of touch, and maybe a lot of us are. All the distractions in a dayof the facespace and quickpaced tweeted world we live incan keep me from really spending time on the important things. When I was growing up, people didnt tell me to slow down, to do less, to be calmer, or to practice being content. In fact, people told me to do the opposite: be involved, challenge myself, stay busy, push through the pain, chase after my goals, swing for the fences, do more, make more, go all out. But you wanna know something? When it comes to dealing with the hard stuff in life, its the slowing down and remembering the basics that are most important. Also, all of those other words sound exhausting. Wheres a hammock when you need one?

PAIN

There are odd things in life, and one of them is pain. The odd thing about pain is this: you cant avoid it. You just cant. Maybe if you lived in a sealed room your whole life you could, but that would be lonely and cause you emotional pain, and it might mean youve been kidnapped, so... just dont live in sealed rooms. Also... you cant avoid pain.

LIFE IS AMAZING

The hard stuff really is part of the good stuff. I do believe this is true, or at least it can be if we are willing to learn from the hard stuff. I mean, as little kids we learn that eating our broccoli means we can get dessert, while finger painting on the living room wall leads to less tasty consequences. In the same way, as we grow older we learn from the difficult experiences in lifeand some of those experiences involve relationships.

The hard stuff really is part of the good stuff.

The reason I can write a book about difficult things is because difficulty is temporary. Things dont have to stay difficult. Also, the best parts of life cant be separated from the hardest parts of life. And dont forget to enjoy simple stuff like... being alive, which in itself is amazing news. For me, personally, it means Im not dead, and Im a fan of that. Optimism can start small, ya know?

Life is, in fact, amazing. Its also messy, uncertain, and really crazy difficult too. And my point about pain is this: we think pain is terrible, and so did I for most of my life... but its not. We treat pain and struggle like a disease that we have to get rid of quickly. But pain isnt necessarily bad; its just painful. It has benefits too. Pain provides a chance for us to learn from our experiences and mistakes and to grow and change for the better. Struggles, failures, heartaches, and disappointments will teach us some of the most important lessons we can ever learn in life. The wisest people seem to look back on the painful and confusing times as a great gift. Thats a secret we all need to learnto see the tough times as opportunities. They can make you a better person, and you can even learn to be grateful for them. And trust me, if I had read that sentence just a few years ago, I would have laughed, rolled my eyes, and been annoyed at me. But now Im saying it to you, and Im saying it because its true; it really is.