Precious A. Jackson - Revelation - Unveiling The Mask

Revelation - Unveiling The Mask

Precious A. Jackson

Revelation - Unveiling The Mask

2015 by Precious A. Jackson. All rightsreserved.

No part of this book or the artwork orphotographs therein may be reproduced in any written, electronic,recording, or photocopying form without written permission of theauthor, Precious A. Jackson or the publisher, Lady P.Productions.

Books may be purchased in quantity and/orspecial sales by contacting the publisher, Lady P. Productions, at 323-230-3189 ., or by email atLadyPtheAuthor@gmail.com.

Published by Lady P. Productions

Interior Design by LaShawn Walls, iZiggyPromotions

Cover Design by Dynastys Cover Me

Editing by LaShawn Walls, iZiggy Promotionsand Gail Butler

ISBN: 978-0-692-22267-6

First Edition

Printed in USA

Foreword

In the opening stanza of his classic poemWe Wear the

Mask, Paul Lawrence Dunbarwrites:

We wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

This poem eloquently captures the temptationthat we all struggle with to be honest about who we are in a worldthat does not value honesty. Instead of sharing our true feelingsand opinions, we settle for whats popular and politically correct.We all pretend to be better than we are and act as though we havemore wisdom than Solomon and more patience than Job. We fail torealize the power that is in our stories, and that we overcome bythe blood of the lamb and by the word of our testimony.(Revelation12:11)

In the coming pages, you will read the storyof a woman who has been delivered from shame, who has torn away themask, and is courageous enough to share how God has moved her fromstrength to strength, faith to faith, and glory to glory. God hasgiven Precious Jackson the precious gift of self-revelationand asshe holds the mirror up to herself, she helps all of us seeourselves better.

Pastor Joseph Carlos Robinson

Resurrection Church of Los Angeles

Acknowledgments

I would like to thank my Lord and Savior,Jesus Christ, for giving me the strength and the courage to writethis book. This journey was not easy; God tugged at my spirit for along time. Thank You, God, for your patience.

Thank you, my angels in heaven: my mother,Ernestine; my surrogate mother, Georgette; and my grandmother,Dessie; and thanks to my father, Percy. Each of you helped shape meinto the woman that I am today. I cherish our candid conversations,your sound advice and the good and the bad times that we shared. Iknow that all of you all are watching over me from heaven. I feelyour presence everywhere I go. Not a day goes by that I dont thinkabout each of you.

Thanks to my inner circle, Markeisha,Alfredia, Robin and Yolanda for encouraging me, making suggestionsas I wrote this book, and helping me cook and sell dinners to raisethe money to finance this venture. I love you to pieces!

Thanks to my former coworkers at Women Alivewho gave it to me straight, no chaser, when I was going throughpersonal ordeals. Thank you, Corey, my friend and my brother, fornever sugarcoating anything when it came to life.

Thanks to my coworkers and supervisors on theG-Floor at the Pasadena Public Health Department for giving me thesupport and time off that I needed to care for my daddy during hisillness.

Thank you, family members, for never treatingme differently because of my HIV-Positive status. Thank you, also,for your support and encouraging words when I decided to write thisbook.

Thank you, big brothers Michael and Ronald,for defending my honor no matter what. Thank you for always givingme sound advice on the subject of men.

Dedication

To women everywhere who silently sufferintimate partner violence.

Chapter 1

F ULL FLIGHT FROM REALITY

When I attended Narcotics Anonymous meetingswith my surrogate mother who was in recoverymay she rest inpeaceI used to hear people say, I was full flight from reality.I didnt understand what it meant at the time until my friend Coreybroke it down. WHEN YOURE IN A SOBER STATE OF MIND (AND THISDOESNT JUST APPLY TO PEOPLE WHO USE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL) AND YOUMAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO ENGAGE IN BEHAVIORS THAT YOU KNOW WILLHAVE A NEGATIVE OUTCOME, YOU ARE F ULL FLIGHT FROM REALITY!

Chapter 2

THE BAD BOY (MY TYPE)

In June 2005, I was at work when I received acall from a guy named Trevon. He was calling to inquire about asupport group that my agency provided for heterosexual men andwomen who were living with chronic illnesses. During that time inmy life, I was grieving from the loss of my surrogate mother in2004 and I was vulnerable. From the sound of Trevons voice, Iimagined him to be a tall, dark-skinned, sexy man; I just hoped hehad all his teeth. Now, this is a potential client and Im excitedabout meeting him although my companys policy stated clearly thatemployees were not allowed to date clients but I was willing toignore the policy. That should have been a sign, a red flag, but Iwas full flight from reality.

Trevons day to visit the office finallyarrived. When he walked into the office, I knew that my mentalimage of the good looking man with that great sounding voice hadbeen a fantasy. This scenario alone lets you know why we shouldleave our fantasies in La-La Land. Standing just 56 tall, thisbrown-skinned man was SHORT! I am not the tallest person in theworld but I like my men to tower over my 55 height.

We walked toward the building where intakewas conducted to assess a new clients needs which is outside ofthe main structure where the administration offices are housed andpeer services such as emotional support groups and one-on-onecounseling are provided. I asked Trevon the standard intakequestions: Do you have a history of incarceration? Yes, Ivespent the past twenty years of my life inand out ofprison, he responded. My eyes began to glisten and I shiftedin my seat. Trevon didnt know it, but I had a thing for thugged-out, gangsta niggas, especially if they had served time in jail orprison. Trevon may have not noticed, but as I got to know him, Ibecame very excited. He was about to be my next victim; Id made upin my mind that Trevon was the one for me and that we were about tostart dating. In my mind, Trevon was the man that I wanted him tobe. I started dating Trevon in June. He dated me with love andrespect and provided for my every need (yeah, right!).

In July, Trevon moved all of his belongingsinto my place. Now if thats not full flight from reality, what is?Of course, there were some consequences for the act of dating aclientI was placed on a three-day leave without pay. Not only wasI temporarily insane but I also had unresolved childhoodabandonment issues stemming from my relationship with my birth mom.I always lived by the philosophy that if I am healthy and workingthen my man, if he is in good health, should also be employed. WhenI met Trevon all that shit went straight out the door. I was stuckwith a man who was healthy and took care of his bills with SocialSecurity Supplemental Income (an SSI check). Who wouldve thoughtthat I would go against my own philosophy? I must admit, Trevon hadme spun in his web. I even went so far as to tag along with himwhen he told me we were moving because he had qualified for Section8. Instead of me looking at him and telling him to get the hell on,all I could see was me saving money because the rent and utilitieswould be fully paid. Not only had Trevon been in prison, but healso had a history of substance abuse. With the exception of threemen, every man that I ever dated or married was either a drugaddict in recovery or had relapsed back into his familiar patternof drug abuse.

Chapter 3

DICKMATIZED

Trevon and I were making passionate love. Myhead was spinning through the entire lovemaking session. He was sogood at pleasuring each and every part of my bodythat sweet kindof lovemaking that will have you giving your man the keys to yourcar when you know good and damn well he doesnt have anything inhis wallet except a state issued identification card. Trevon knewwhen to ask me for something and this night was no different. Whenhe asked me for the keys to go get a beer, I didnt even answer. Ijust leaned over and pulled the keys out of my purse and handedthem to him. Shit, the way he had just laid it on me, I almost feltlike I needed a beer. When the sex is right, we tend to do anythingfor our man because we know hell keep it coming; but this time,when Trevon drove away in my car, my world began to change in waysthat I could never have imagined.