Ben Stein - How to Ruin Your Life

ALSO BY BEN STEIN

THE GIFT OF PEACE

HOW SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE WIN

HOW TO RUIN YOUR LIFE hardcover
(also available as an audio book)

HOW TO RUIN YOUR LOVE LIFE

HOW TO RUIN YOUR FINANCIAL LIFE

26 STEPS TO SUCCEED IN HOLLYWOOD
(with Al Burton)

WHAT YOUR KIDS NEED TO KNOW
ABOUT MONEY AND SUCCESS

BY BEN STEIN AND PHIL DEMUTH

CAN AMERICA SURVIVE?

YES, YOU CAN BE A SUCCESSFUL INCOME INVESTOR!

YES, YOU CAN STILL RETIRE COMFORTABLY!

All of the above are available at your local bookstore,
or may be ordered by visiting:

Hay House USA: www.hayhouse.com
Hay House Australia: www.hayhouse.com.au
Hay House UK: www.hayhouse.co.uk
Hay House South Africa: orders@psdprom.co.za

Copyright 2006 by Ben Stein

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc., P.O. Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 Phone: (760) 431-7695 or (800) 654-5126 Fax: (760) 431-6948 or (800) 650-5115 www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd., 18/36 Ralph St., Alexandria NSW 2015 Phone: 612-9669-4299 Fax: 612-9669-4144 www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd. Unit 62, Canalot Studios 222 Kensal Rd., London W10 5BN Phone: 44-20-8962-1230 Fax: 44-20-8962-1239 www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd., P.O. Box 990, Witkoppen 2068 Phone/Fax: 27-11-706-6612 orders@psdprom.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast 9050 Shaughnessy St., Vancouver, B.C. V6P 6E5 Phone: (604) 323-7100 Fax: (604) 323-2600

Editorial supervision: Jill Kramer Design: Tricia Breidenthal

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher. The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2005926281

ISBN 13: 978-1-4019-0616-0
ISBN 10: 1-4019-0616-8

09 08 07 06 4 3 2 1
1st printing, January 2006

Printed in the United States of America

For Alex, my wifey,

who has often saved me

from ruining my life;

for our son, Tommy,

whom I love to pieces;

and for all good dogs and cats.

CONTENTS

It should be easy to succeed. After all, there are thousands of self-help books out there telling you how to be successful. All you have to do is buy one and read it. Maybe at the most, two. But somehow, despite the wealth of these types of books out there, tens of millions are not successful, are wallowing in misery, are struggling and failing, and are drowning without a trace.

Maybe the key that will turn this lock is to no longer try to teach people how to succeed but how to fail. If we follow the footsteps of the failures, and then turn back from them and go in the opposite direction, we can go toward the bright pink light of success. That, at least, is my hope. And thats why I wrote these books on how to ruin your life in general; and how to ruin your love life and your financial life, specifically.

The idea is that if you see yourself doing these things, turn around and stop doing them right now. And maybe do the opposite. Instead of fighting, make peace. Instead of spending, save. Instead of wasting your time, study and learn.

Well, its just a thought.

Try these books on for size. If they fit, youre in real trouble.

Ben Stein

How to
Ruin
Your Life

Dont Learn Any
Useful Skills

Make yourself useless. Dont practice decent study habits. Dont bother to acquaint yourself with history, languages, or mathematics. Dont develop any special advanced skills in law, architecture, medicine, or electrical contracting. When others sacrifice their fun times studying and attending classes, just laugh at them and stay in bed watching old movies. (In fact, a general attitude of ridiculing any genuine effort by yourself or others is also a major way to ruin your life, but more on that later.) As others learn to produce real value for the world by healing disease, making candles, applying makeup, cutting hair, or tracking inventory, dont bother to learn anything specialized or useful at all.

Yes, its true that theres a mountain of experience and data that tell us that education and skills are the tickets to a secure, happy life. But none of that applies to you. Many say that others will have bigger, better lives if they acquire a skill, trade, or advanced degree. Again, none of that means a thing to you. Youll have all of the great things in life anyway. Youre special, unique in every way. Just coast by on your wit and good looks. Youre a wheeler and a dealer.

What kind of education did Rhett Butler have, after all? What kind did Elvis Presley have? I didnt see Madonna in grad school or P. Diddy (or whatever name hes going by these days) either. Yet look at how far they went. Youll do at least as well with good luck and fortune that just happen to drop into your lap. Make sure that you take as examples of how to ruin your life the one in a billion who succeeds without skills .-.-. instead of the 99 out of 100 who succeed with skills.

You were born knowing all you need to know, and dont you forget it. Avoid getting any education that smacks of the ordinary and the mundane.