Text copyright 2018 by Mayim Bialik. Illustrations copyright 2018 by Kenton Hoppas.
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Edited by Jill Santopolo.
You are the inspiration for and the higher significance of all of the fruits of my labor. Thank you for teaching me about Boying Up and motivating me to be better at being your mama every day. I love you more than sushi.
INTRODUCTION
In case you dont know already, Im not a boy. Never was, never will be. Im a woman who was once a girl. And then I Girled UpI went from a girl to a young woman to a grown-up woman who is a neuroscientist and a mom.
I became a neuroscientist because I love everything about the brain and nervous system. My specific field of study for my PhD was a field called psychoneuroendocrinology. Thats a fancy word for studying the behavior that comes from understanding how the chemicals of the brain make girls girls and make boys boys. I also studied a lot about the behavior of men and women and how the chemicals in our bodies change the way we interact with the people we encounter in our lives. For 7 years of graduate school, thats what I lived and breathed.
All of that learning happened while I made the huge decision to become a mom, and I had my first son in graduate school. Miles is now 12, and his brother, Frederick, who is 9, was born right after I completed my doctoral studies. Yup, they call me Dr. Mom when I get too technical about anything from a scraped knee to a hurt feeling to answering But Mom, why do I have to shower? I showered three days ago! My sons voices, experiences and desires are constantly with me as a mom and a doctor of neuroscience; my goal is to best convey what we have learned together to all of you reading this book.
I was an at-home mom with my sons for the first years of their lives, and I returned to my childhood career of acting when my younger son was about 2 years old. Since then, I have played Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory. I love my job, and I also love being a mom to my boys. I especially love being a mom who is a scientist.
When I wrote my book Girling Up, I specifically talked about my journey from girl who didnt always fit in to woman who doesnt always fit in, and a lot of me not fitting in is because I have always tended to gravitate toward things I was told were for guys. You see, Im a rough-and-tumble kind of mom, and that suits me and my sons just fine. Im the kind of woman who is really into sports cars. I love any sport you can name; Ill watch it on TV, Ill play it, Ill talk about itI am a sports person through and through. I am the first to suggest a wrestling match at the park. I prefer the natural history museum and building with LEGO to shopping or manicures. I love any superhero or action movie. Im what they used to call a tomboy, but now I just call it being me!
After writing Girling Up, it seemed natural to me to follow it up with the book you are holding in your hands. Boying Up is about the journey boys take from being boys finding their way in the world to becoming young men who can be confident, productive and loving fathers, teachers, doctors, friends, co-workers and world changers. I have included the voices of real grown-up boysmen from a variety of backgrounds, professions and lifestyleswho contribute throughout the book with Thats What He Said... boxes in every chapter. I want this book to be authentic and approachable; fun and informative; diverse and meaningful.
We will cover all of the important stuff about being a boy, such as, how does the male body develop and function? What does it mean to understand how a male body grows nutritionally, physically, emotionally and even spiritually? What things do boys and young men in the 21st century need to contribute to a culture that so often misunderstands them? And perhaps most importantly, with all of the conflicting information about how boys should behavedont be too rough, dont be too gentlehow can we together understand the biology and psychology of the process of Boying Up in a way that adds to all of our acceptance for all of the different kinds of boys that there are?
Boying Up is written for boys, young men, men who were once boys and anyone who wants to better know about the magnificent mystery that is all things boy.
Lets learn all there is to know about Boying Up together! Ready? Set? Lets go!
ONE
HOW BOY BODIES WORK
Welcome to Boying Up! You might be thinking: why is a woman writing this book? Well, I spent 12 years total in college and graduate school studying the brain and body, and I specialized in learning all about the chemicals in our brains and bodies that determine many important things: everything from if you develop a penis or not to what hormones make you grow hair on your body to more complicated things like what kind of emotional reactions you have and what you like to do or to wear or to watch on TV.
There is an awesome body of research about what makes all kinds of boys and men. Are you the kind of guy who likes musicals? Or would you rather poke your own eye out with a toothpick than sit through Hamilton? Are you someone who is interested in girls and spends time checking out which girl from your school liked your picture on Instagram, or are you someone whos interested more in other boys? Or maybe you are more interested in Nerf gun fights and video games and would rather not deal with thinking about dating at all. Do you fear physical challenges like obstacle courses, potential fights in the schoolyard and any sport involving a ball? There are so many different kinds of boys and thats what makes being human so cool: everyone is different and special.
Becoming brave, bold and brilliant is a process that begins when youre a boy and continues to get refined for the rest of your life. There are many opportunities for boys in this culture, but also many challenges, and the best way to start understanding how to navigate them is from the bottom up. Lets talk biology.
From Boy to Boying Up
Have you noticed that some girls in your class are all of a sudden a lot taller than they used to be? And that many girls in your class are taller than most of the boys? Maybe you havent noticed, but trust me: you will soon. This is because of an incredible process called puberty, which is the biological explanation for how you go from being a boy to a young man to a grown-up man. So why are girls taller than a lot of boys in middle school? Well, girls tend to start puberty earlier than boys (age 10 versus 12), and one of the earliest indicators that puberty is starting is a change in height. Boys tend to catch up pretty quickly, and by the age of 16, most boys are taller than most girls (though of course, this isnt true for every single girl and every single boy).