Merle Fossum - The More We Find In Each Other: Meditations For Couples (Hazelden Meditations)
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The More We Find In Each Other: Meditations For Couples (Hazelden Meditations)
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140 thought-provoking meditations for couples--married or single, straight or gay--explore ways we can strengthen and enhance our relationships. Includes thoughts on how conflicts begin and how they can be resolved, how couples can deepen their understanding of each other, and how they can find that delicate balance between togetherness and individuality.
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The More We Find in Each Other-- : Meditations for Couples Hazelden Meditations
author
:
Fossum, Mavis.; Fossum, Merle A.
publisher
:
Hazelden Publishing
isbn10 | asin
:
0894867938
print isbn13
:
9780894867934
ebook isbn13
:
9780585154404
language
:
English
subject
Twelve-step programs--Religious aspects--Meditations, Spouses--Prayer-books and devotions--English, Interpersonal relations--Religious aspects--Meditations.
publication date
:
1992
lcc
:
BL624.5.F67 1992eb
ddc
:
306.872
subject
:
Twelve-step programs--Religious aspects--Meditations, Spouses--Prayer-books and devotions--English, Interpersonal relations--Religious aspects--Meditations.
Page ii
About the authors
Mavis and Merle Fossum have two daughters and enjoy spending time with their friends and engage in many outdoor activities, such as hiking, cross-country skiing, and camping. Mavis is a psychologist and a marriage and family therapist at the Family Therapy and Recovery Center in Minneapolis. Merle is a writer, social worker, and marriage and family therapist at the Family Therapy Institute in St. Paul.
Page iii
The More We Find in Each Other...
meditations for couples
mavis fossum merle fossum
HAZELDEN INFORMATION & EDUCATIONAL SERVICES
Page iv
Hazelden Center City, Minnesota 55012-0176
1992 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Published 1992.
Printed in the United States of America. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 0-89486-793-8
Page v
Contents
Introduction
vii
Communicating
1
Resolving conflict
25
Separateness
37
Differences
51
Change
59
Grief and crisis
67
We are only human
75
Ordinary moments
95
The evolving relationship
115
Joint purpose
137
Index
143
Page vii
Introduction
We may find our most tangible encounter with the spiritual dimension in the mystery of a relationship. As two people who have unique histories and personalities in sharing our lives together, we create a third entity. Our relationship has no physical form, yet we know it exists. It is there in the space between us. It begins much as a seedling tree begins: undeveloped, thin, with no history, and casting little shade or influence. But in time it gathers force to exert great influence over our lives and the lives of others.
It grows into a complex combination of feelings and memories and disappointments and agreements, of the support we give to each other and the challenges we make to each other, of obstacles and frustrations that we have jointly faced, of our plans for the future, of the ways we make fun and play and the ways we satisfy each other.
The point is that while invisible, our relationship is certainly not hidden. We feel its power spreading through our lives as a growing tree casts its shade across a lawn. And it can either bless or plague our lives, sometimes doing both within a single hour. It
Page viii
is our unique creation. We influence its development, but it grows to influence us powerfully in return. The shape and pattern of our intimacy ultimately sweep us into places that surprise us, places that we did not want to go, and places that make us feel deeply grateful. When we are awake to what we are doing, we can join together as partners and shape our relationship into a force that blesses us, sustains us, and nourishes our individual lifelong development.
Even in the best relationships, intimacy is never a fixed piece of property that partners can own and hold like a special dish they bought at a store. It is a live organism that needs care and feeding. We nourish and sustain intimacy in the moments we take to reflect, to mark our experiences, and to notice each other. The simple ritual of a brief reading together can help us do that. As authors, we designed this book as a way for couples to consciously grow in intimacy.
Over the years of our own relationship, we developed the habit of taking a quiet moment together to read a brief thought, meditation, or quotation. We keep a book handy. Then just before dinner, or at bedtime, one of us reads aloud from it. Sometimes we talk for a moment about loosely connected thoughts and feelings that the reading brings forward. Some days when we can't read a passage together, we read alone. Quite naturally,
Page ix
our habit has grown into a simple ritual that we often do almost automatically. The wisdom of another person speaking from another time and place projects a light onto our particular experience that day. It soothes our tensions, heals us, reminds us of our blessings, and helps us find strength and direction. We hope this book will do that for you.
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