Patrick King - Charm Her Socks Off: Creating Chemistry from Thin Air (Dating Advice for Men on How to Attract Women)

By Patrick King

Dating and Social Skills Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

As a FREE show of appreciation to my readers, Ive put together The Flawless Interaction Checklist . It describes in-depth the 7 essential components to exceptional interactions and conversations, from strangers to relationships and everything in-between.

Including how to: make people comfortable, connect easily, develop killer eye contact, prepare for any social situation, look like a mind reader, and never run out of things to say. Click over to download your FREE copy now !

Survey any of your friends and ask them what theyre looking for in a significant other. Sure enough, youll get a mix of the predictable following: great career, loving family, amazing parenting instincts, kind, considerate, matching hobbies, interesting, and attractive. The standard. We all know multiple people that fit these criteria, so does that mean that were open to all of them as a life partner? Doubtful. (Though some of us undoubtedly take the shotgun approach.)

So the age-old question is raised: what makes us fall in love with one person versus another? All the slow jams in the world never seemed to be able to figure this out, but maybe thats because the answer is a bit of a nebulous construct. A spark. A click. A deep gut feeling of being drawn to someone. A certain je ne sais quoi . Its really not quantifiable outside of just deeming it chemistry .

Sharing the connection of chemistry with someone is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. But for every 1 such connection we get, there are probably 4 other fizzled or friendzoned attempts that wed rather not remember. Does Im sorry I just dont think of you that way sound familiar?

So the age-old question for most men ends up really being: how can I create that feeling of chemistry with any woman and make her fall for me ?

In this book, Im going to draw from my years of date coaching and use lessons from pop culture/TV to show you exactly how chemistry can be created with anyone.

But Patrick, romance in pop culture/TV? Its all so fake and manufactured!

A valid response, of course. But take The Bachelor, for instance. For those of you that are unfamiliar with it, the premise of the show is that there is one man who goes on dates with 25 amazingly attractive women. At the shows conclusion, which is a mere 6 weeks from the initial meeting, he invariably ends up proposing to one of them. Thats a life-changing decision. If even 1/10 th of the emotional depth they develop on the show is real, thats still a lot of real chemistry and passion that cannot simply be explained away by the pressurized television and filming atmosphere.

I systematically analyzed these shows and broke down the commonalities of what drove chemistry and such intense feelings of love in short periods of time. Does being ridiculously handsome, being billed as The Bachelor, and a sense of competition amongst the other participants help? Perhaps. But beyond that, youll be shocked at what really gets it done.

As it turns out, many of these elements are firmly rooted in the biological basis of love theory in other words, what love does to our brains, bodies, and emotions. The rest just comes from smart planning and execution.

Dating shows exploit all of the above and veritably force-feed emotions into people. Anyone can do it, and Ill teach you how with my 20 Chemistry Principles designed to help you create chemistry from thin air.

Its helpful to first go over some of the physiological functions were trying to take advantage of. The biology itself isnt the focus of this book, so Im going to keep this section short and to the point.

For our purposes of cultivating attraction and chemistry, there are 3 main pathways at work, each of which Ill talk about briefly below. At their root, they are all simply biological functions which, with classical conditioning and association and clever planning, can be simulated and increased.

You may have heard of this one. Oxytocin is known as the cuddle hormone because in general, its released with more skin to skin contact you have with someone. Its also released in various social situations where people are relaxed and enjoying themselves. And when is it released the most? Directly after orgasm.

It causes feelings of trust and overall attachment to another person, and is said to be addictive. Your goal should obviously be to increase the release of oxytocin. If youve ever been accused of having no chemistry with someone, look no further than the lack of oxytocin.

Neurotransmitters are chemicals in the brain that are released in various ratios depending on the stimuli that the person is exposed to. There are 4 main ones, but the ones we are focusing on are dopamine and serotonin.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is implicated in cocaine use. It is released by our favorite activities, anticipation, overcoming challenging situations, novel situations, and an increased heart rate. It provides intense rushes of euphoric pleasure a phrase that accurately describes the rollercoaster of the early stages of any relationship.

Serotonin is implicated in many of the same causes and effects, but the main distinction is that when serotonin levels drop , people engage in obsessive thinking and ideation. Again, a phrase that accurately describes the dynamic of early relationships.

Your goal should be to increase the release of dopamine and decrease the release of serotonin.

Ever notice how fast your heart beats before you stand up to make a speech? How about right before you go in for that kiss? And further down the line, the butterflies and perma-smile that simply thinking about a lover can induce?

The release of epinephrine, or adrenaline, is the culprit here. Adrenaline is tied to your fight or flight nervous system, and technically serves to assist you in either battling a hungry bear or running for the nearest tree. Of course, these days it mostly serves to (in)conveniently remind us of situations were uncomfortable or uncertain about, excited and thrilled about, and feel nervous and anxious about. Most importantly, its a homing beacon to us that were interested in someone.

Were all too familiar with the effects that adrenaline has on our body, and theyre not generally beneficial, so why should your goal be to increase the release of adrenaline?

Human psychology dictates that when people are in any sort of emotional state, they seek justification for their condition. So if they are aroused, anxious, and thrilled with adrenaline, theyll attempt to mentally label the reason. In other words, if you get your dates heart racing on at least a semi-regular basis, she will attribute the causation to you, and chemistry is born.

Finally, when people are physiologically aroused and in a heightened mood due to adrenaline, theyre going to be more positive and receptive in general.

Pheromones remain somewhat of a physiological Bigfoot, but it cannot be denied that we simply prefer some peoples scents to others. They have been hypothesized to be an invisible signal that mammals use to screen for genetic compatibility between potential mates, and a compatible pheromone may even sexually arouse the smeller.

What does this mean for you? Smell is a much greater part of chemistry and mating than most people realize. Act (and shower) accordingly.

Finally, endorphins: our biggest motivation for going to the gym. Endorphins are a neurotransmitter that is released after engaging in activities you enjoy, such as sex, exercise, singing, etc. It induces feelings of happiness and security. They function like an opioid, and are addictive by nature.