Laurie B. Mintz - Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How to Get It

This book is dedicated to all the women and men who

embrace the idea that there is no quality without

equality in all realmsincluding the sexualand who

are willing to take the revolutionary steps necessary

to make equal opportunity orgasms a reality.

CONTENTS

Mind-blowing, body-rippling, cant-help-screaming-out-loud orgasmsmaybe your friends say theyve had them or maybe youve seen them in movies and porn. But, youve rarely, if ever, experienced this seemingly common feeling, and youre starting to feel cheated and worried. Or maybe youre pretty sure youve had orgasms but wonder if they could be better, if there are pieces of the puzzle youre missing.

Congratulations! Youve picked up the right book. By the time you finish reading, youll have discovered the missing pieces of the orgasm puzzle. Youll be sure youre having orgasms and you wont be wondering if they could be better. Theyll be awesome!

Perhaps youre wondering how I can say this with such certainty. Let me answer by telling you a bit about myself. Im a middle-aged psychologist who has worked with hundreds of clients, and I teach human sexuality to about 150 students a year at the University of Florida. My students tell me that I remind them of the mother and sex therapist in the movie Meet the Fockerslikely because I have a large nose and curly hair, and tell lots of stories about both my personal life and my therapy practice. My students also describe me as quirky because I say things like Ive been having orgasms longer than youve been alive! Andkey to my statement that this book will lead you to orgasmcountless female students tell me that the information in my class has done so for them. A representative quote from my end-of-the-semester teaching evaluations is Thanks to what I learned in this class, I am now orgasmic!

My students experiences, both their frustrations and successes, are the reason I wrote this book. Through teaching human sexuality to college students, Ive become aware that a whopping 50 percent of eighteen- to thirty-five-year-old women say they have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner. While women struggling with this problem feel like something is wrong with them, these large numbers tell me that something is wrong with our culture. Based on my conversations with students and clients, Im convinced I know whats wrong (its not you) and, thankfully, how to fix it.

Whats needed is a combination of cultural analysis (to understand why so many women are struggling) and key practical skills (to help individual womenlike youorgasm). Thats what this book provides. In the first sextionYour Orgasm Problem Is a Cultural Problemyoull explore the bigger societal picture of why so many young women dont orgasm with partners. The next sextionIncrease Your Cliteracyprovides key information on your most important sexual organ. In the third sextionThe Time Has Come for You to Cumyoull learn the attitudes and hands-on (pun intended!) ways you can reach orgasm. Then in the fourth sextion of the bookWait, Theres More (Cum Again)youll gain a few additional pieces of information about womens sexuality and will be encouraged to spread the word to empower other women to orgasm. The final sextion of the bookYou Dont Have to Have a Clitoris to Be Cliterateis about spreading the word to men, which includes a chapter you can give to male friends and sexual partners so they can have the same key knowledge of womens ways of orgasming. Cliteracy skills are truly the gift that keeps on giving!

As you read on, I hope you feel like a valued client in my private therapy practice or a treasured student in my classroom. While I already told you that my students say Im quirky, I also feel really good about the fact that they describe me as both kind and passionate. They can tell I genuinely care about their well-being, and Im excited to give them information that will make their sex lives better. Female students know that I want them to experience the unique and wonderful feeling of orgasm that has previously eluded so many of them. I want this for you too! I hope that as you readand are led to those orgasms youve been wantingyou feel engaged, entertained, and cared about. Lets get started!

Mm you feel so good. Does that feel good, baby?

No, not really, you think. Oh yeah! you reply. You roll your eyes because thankfully, in doggy style, he cant see your face. You are so ready for it to be over.

He grunts enthusiastically, breathing hard. You sense hes about to come so you start breathing hard and moaning too.

Yes! Harder! Deeper! you scream in order to hurry him to climax.

He finally finishes and asks, Did you come too?

Yes, it was amazing, you lie.

Can you relate? Sadly, most women can. Heres the deal: Theres a huge pleasure gap between women and men. Men are having way more orgasms than women are. And while this is true in all types of sex, its especially true in casual or hookup sex.

What the F Is Going On?!?

• The F itself. There is way too much emphasis on intercoursethe way men reach orgasm.
  • Movies and porn show women having fast and fabulous orgasms from male pounding. These images are lies!
• The idea that women should orgasm from intercourse is the number one reason for the pleasure gap.
• Other reasons, such as poor body image, slut shaming, the idea that womens role is to please men, and poor sexual communication, also contribute to the pleasure gap.

The Solutions!

• Truly understanding that for most women penetration alone is not the route to ultimate pleasure! Almost all women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, which is not achieved during typical penetrative intercourse.
• Discovering an array of easily attainable, yet very powerful, skills and attitudes that will make your orgasm as much of a surefire thing as his.

THE PLEASURE GAP EXPOSED

Youve likely already experienced the pleasure gap in your own life. Probably theres been a time or two (or more!) when your male partnerbe it your friend, a guy you just met off Tinder, your boyfriend, your fianc, or your husbandcame for real, but your orgasm was either nonexistent or faked. What you may not know is just how many other women are experiencing the same problem, or just how wide this pleasure gap is:

In another recent survey of over two thousand straight women:

If this wasnt bad enough, things get much worse during hookup sex. As you likely know, hooking up is a vague term that can include anything from kissing to intercourse. But when I specifically asked my students (in anonymous polls) about first-time hookup sex involving intercourse or other activities (e.g., oral sex) that could lead to an orgasm:

These numbers make it clear that youre not alone. Your missing orgasm is a reflection of a broader cultural problem.

THE PLEASURE GAP EXPLAINED

So whats the problem here? Were doing too much of what we consider fucking (aka intercourse) and not enough of other sexual activities. The reason theres such a massive orgasm gap between the sexes is because we overvalue mens most common way of reaching an orgasm (intercourse) and undervalue womens most common way (clitoral stimulation). Our cultural over-focus on the importance of putting a penis into a vagina is screwing with womens orgasms.