Lorelei - The Mistress Manual: The Good Girls Guide to Female Dominance

by Mistress Lorelei

2000 by Mistress Lorelei

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Published in the United States by Greenery Press. Distributed by SCB Distirbutors, Gardena, CA. www.greenerypress.com

No author, no matter how daring her thesis, how original her language, and how solitary her life, can claim to have worked alone. I have more than the usual thanks to offer. In the years since the first edition of this book was published, I have met and talked with practitioners of every variety of the kink, from pure spankophiles to Old Guard Leather Mistresses. Ive learned something from almost all of them, if only the enormous variety and vitality of sexual desire and the ways we express power play.

I owe gratitude and friendship to Lady Green of Greenery Press, without whom this edition would not exist at all. Her goddesslike patience and her editorial skills have brought the world a number of wonderful books on BDSM, and Im honored to be among her authors.

Without doubt, I owe most to the people of Variations II, a section on the CompuServe Adult Sexuality forum. Here I met some of my closest friends and almost all the members of my BDSM family. My life would be bleak indeed without the friendship of (in alphabetical order) Adrian, Carolyn, Ed, Gwen, Michele, Paul, and too many others to name. The ladies of the Thursday night Domme conference have been a source of laughter, love, support, and truly evil ideas, but FemDommes and guysubs are not the whole of the BDSM world, and many of my dearest CompuServe friends are GuyDoms, femsubs, or switches.

The Leather people have broadened my horizons considerably and shown me whole new ways of thinking about BDSM. From San Francisco and Los Angeles to Baltimore and Boston, even across the sea to England, Leather people have given me fresh ideas and a new perspective. Im grateful beyond words.

On the Domestic Discipline front, I thank my friends at WhAP!, whose kindness, humor, and support were unfailing through the most difficult of times. I must also thank my friends of The Ladies Discipline Society, whose ideas helped me from the beginning. I would be happy to name them, but they prefer mysterious power to vulgar publicity. As one lady elegantly phrased it, Wouldnt your readers prefer to wonder if every woman they meet is a secret Dominatrix controlling the destiny and desire of a submissive male, rather than knowing the names of a mere dozen or so of us?

Considering that the first scenario is always possible (for any woman may be a Mistress), I had to agree. Therefore, my friends are not named, but they are always present in the hints and techniques given here.

My loving thanks must also go to my very dear husband and sissy maid, without whose help, support, and encouragement I would never have undertaken this book. Without him, I would never have begun to understand so many of the complexities of guysub psychology.

Although female submission is not in the scope of this book, given its differences of psychology and physiology, I want to thank my very own loving femsub, Michele, who has been for two years a loving companion and friend as well as a compliant, yielding, and eager submissive. She is living proof that submission is best rooted in strength, not weakness, and that a clear mind and a spirit like living flame can coexist with the need to kneel and say, Mistress.

Finally, I would like to thank you, my reader. I hope the ideas and techniques presented here will add new interest to your sexual relationship. My mission is to help you find the power and freedom of your Dominant self, the joy of sharing the most intimate of all acts, and new self-esteem as a woman. Also, to have fun and help you have fun. Isnt that really the point?

Most power is illusory and perceptual. You have to create an environment in which people perceive you as having some power. Carrie Saxon Perry

Being a Domme is as much a matter of attitude as actions. The ideas you will find here are not an inflexible etiquette, a single violation of which will disqualify you from the sisterhood, but an infinitely variable recipe for enjoying sensual dominance. For some of you, that dominance will be a delightful bedroom game; for others, it will become the basis for a whole new way of handling relationships.

I cant tell you exactly what will please you sexually. What I can offer is practical suggestions, safety tips, and insights into guysub psychology, plus something to do with your hands while you figure out what you like.

One thing I hope I can do here is help you understand and accept that its okay to want sexual power or any other kind of power, come to think of it. Although Ive been thinking kinky thoughts and doing kinky things for most of my life, I encountered the same kinds of struggles in coming to self-acceptance as many Dommes.

Perhaps most important, The Mistress Manual is the work, not of a submissive male fantasizing about the perfect Dominatrix, but by a practicing Mistress herself, with the help and advice of various friends who also believe in maintaining a firm hand on the reins. I am not a professional Dominatrix, but a happy amateur with years of experience in controlling a stubborn male submissive. (Although that phrase may sound to an inexperienced Mistress like a contradiction in terms, I assure you it is not. If submissive males were always compliant, the Mistresss task would be considerably simpler but possibly less fun. But more of that later.) What youll get here is what, in my considerable experience, actually works.

To the vulgar-minded person a Mistress is a males sexual plaything, pathetically eager to please the arrogant male who financially supports her, dropping every other interest (if she has any) to be at his beck and call for an afternoon tryst. In short, she is not Mistress; he is Master.

How different is our conception of a Mistress! She crooks her little finger, and her male submissive rushes to obey. She declares her displeasure in no uncertain terms, and her vassal quivers in fright, knowing that his inevitable punishment will be severe. She lounges at her ease, and her sissy maid serves her, curtsying as he proffers a tray. She is strong, cruel, in command; he is powerless, punished, in submission. Yet both are happy, far happier, I daresay, than the other sort of Mistress and her keeper.

The Mistress draws her ideas and fantasies from a broad range of possibilities. There are five basic fantasy archetypes, but (since youre the Domme), you dont have to adhere to any one of them. The patterns are, in fact, the basic male fantasies. Its helpful to understand them, but you need not feel bound by them. You can choose the activities and attitudes you like from any of these roles and yes, it is possible to do the kind of heavy leather scene an Amazon enjoys, but with the tenderness of a Nursemaid.