International Service Organization of SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous

International Service Organization of SAA, Inc., 2005. No portion of this work may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the International Service Organization of SAA, Inc.

All rights reserved

First Edition

First printing, May 2005

Second printing, June 2005

Third printing, October 2005

Fourth printing, July 2006

Second Edition

First printing, August 2007

Second printing, March 2008

Third printing, September 2010

Third Edition

First printing, December 2012

SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS is a registered trademark of the International Service Organization of SAA, Inc.

ISO

P.O. Box 70949

Houston, TX 77270

800-477-8191

Website: http://www.saa-recovery.org

E-mail:

ISBN 0-9768313-1-7 (Print)

ISBN 978-0-9892286-0-2 (Epub)

T he book you hold in your hands, the first full-length book by the fellowship of Sex Addicts Anonymous, was produced in response to the expressed need of our members for a text providing an overview of our program of recovery from sexual addiction.

It includes descriptions of our addiction as we have experienced it; the purpose and structure of our groups; the vital importance of sponsorship as a guide through the program; the process by which members define their abstinence from addictive sexual behaviors; and the Twelve Steps of SAA. Other areas of interest included are various tools used by members; and the Twelve Traditions of SAA, which guide our groups and their service committees in the task of carrying our message of recovery. Following the text, we have included personal stories from members sharing their experience, strength, and hope regarding their addiction and recovery.

This book was not intended to be a complete instructional workbook covering every aspect of working the steps. As we grow in experience and wisdom, we trust that more literature will be written to address the developing needs of our fellowship as they are expressed.

The ultimate tool of recovery is the recovering sex addict. Our commitment to helping other sex addicts seeking recovery, and our working together towards that common goal, carry the message of SAA more than any piece of literature could. Each members experience of working the steps ultimately determines how recovery looks. Here we must emphasize what is often stated in the text itself: the importance of working with a sponsor in order to gain the full benefits of our program. Not alone, but together, through a Power greater than ourselves, we can and do recover from sexual addiction.

In this faith, in the spirit of selfless service, and with profound gratitude for the gift of recovery we have received, we offer this book to sex addicts who are seeking a new way of life.

W e are sex addicts. Our addiction nearly destroyed our lives, but we found freedom through the recovery program of Sex Addicts Anonymous. In the fellowship of SAA, we discovered that we are not alone and that meeting regularly together to share experience, strength, and hope gives us the choice to live a new life.

Our addictive sexual behavior was causing painto ourselves, our friends, and our loved ones. Our lives were out of control. We may have wanted to quit, making promises and many attempts to stop, yet we repeatedly failed to do so. For each of us, there came a moment of crisis. When we finally reached out for help, we found recovery through the program of SAA.

We have found, through long and painful experience, that we are unable to achieve recovery from sexual addiction through our own efforts. Our program is based on the belief, confirmed by our experience, that a Power greater than ourselves can accomplish for us what we could not do alone. By surrendering our addiction to a Higher Power, we receive the gift of recovery, one day at a time.

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Although we are not affiliated with AA or any other organization, we are deeply grateful to AA for making our recovery possible.

Our primary purpose is to stop our addictive sexual behavior and to help others recover from sexual addiction. We find a new way of living through the SAA program, and carry our message to others seeking recovery. Membership is open to all who have a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement. Our fellowship is open to women and men, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnic background, marital status, or occupation. We welcome members of any sexual identity or orientation, whether they are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, or transgender.

In our groups, there is a collective wisdom that has grown and been handed down over the years. We learn many new solutions to old problems. Central to these are the Twelve Steps, a spiritual program of recovery. Following these steps leads to freedom from addictive sexual behaviors and to the healing of our minds, bodies, spirits, relationships, and sexuality.

Desperation brought us together. We found in each other what we could find nowhere else: people who knew the depth of our pain. Together we found hope and the care of a loving Higher Power. Our commitment is to help others recover from sexual addiction, just as we have been helped. This book contains our stories and our wisdom. It is dedicated to sex addicts everywhere.

B efore coming to Sex Addicts Anonymous, many of us never knew that our problem had a name. All we knew was that we couldn't control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences.

Sex addiction is a disease affecting the mind, body, and spirit. It is progressive, with the behavior and its consequences usually becoming more severe over time. We experience it as compulsion, which is an urge that is stronger than our will to resist, and as obsession, which is a mental preoccupation with sexual behavior and fantasies. In SAA, we have come to call our addictive sexual behavior acting out.

Acting out altered our feelings and consciousness, and we found this altered state very desirable. The obsession and rituals that led up to the sex act itself were part of the high. We sought this addictive high repeatedly, preferring it to many other activities, and feeling our compulsions more strongly than our basic needs to eat, drink, sleep, or be safe. These compulsive desires were irresistible, persistent, and insatiable. They went off like alarms in our heads that made it difficult to focus on anything else. When we wanted to act out, the urge didn't go away. Nor did we feel satisfied when we got our fix. Instead, the more we acted out sexually, the more we wanted to act out. We lost more and more of our lives to our addiction, which cost us time, money, relationships, our health, our jobs, and even our freedom. The consequences of our addiction did not make us stop or limit our acting out. The more we tried to control our behavior, the worse it got. We were unable to stop on our own, and the pleas or threats of the people in our lives didnt help us to stop, either.

We acted out in many different ways. Sometimes we had trouble with one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. We struggled with promiscuity; anonymous sex; compulsive masturbation; destructive relationships; romantic obsession; infidelity; obsessive fantasizing; cybersex; compulsive use of pornography, including internet pornography; excessive fear or avoidance of sex; prostitution or use of prostitutes; compulsive cross-dressing; phone sex; voyeurism; exhibitionism; sex in public places; inappropriate touching; sexual assault or molestation; bestiality; or other behaviors that involve risk to ourselvesphysical, legal, emotional, or spiritualand harm to others. These are only examples of acting out; there are many more. The common thread among all these behaviors for us as sex addicts is that we engaged in them compulsively, our willpower was helpless against them, and they had negative, painful effects. It didnt matter if others appeared to do the same behaviors without ill effect. We could not engage in them without consequence.