Lois P. Frankel - Nice Girls Dont Get the Corner Office

This publication is designed to provide competent and reliable information regarding the subject matter covered. However, it is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional advice. If expert assistance is required, the services of a professional should be sought. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any liability that is incurred from the use or application of the contents of this book.

Copyright 2004 by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D.

All rights reserved.

Warner Business Books

Hachette Book Group

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New York, NY 10017

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The Warner Business Books name and logo are trademarks of Hachette Book Group, Inc.

ISBN: 978-0-7595-0973-3

First eBook Edition: February 2004

This book is dedicated to Harriet Tubman, Eleanor Roosevelt,
Babe Didrikson, Wilma Mankiller, Rosa Parks, Golda Meir, and
others like them who, finding there were no paths, created them to
make the journey easier for those of us who followed.

Writing a book is a lot like giving a gift. I spend time choosing just the right words, wrap them in a package I think will delight you, and hope youll enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. It is only through the gifts of others that I can do this, and I want to share these people with you as I thank them, beginning with those who have graced my life the longest.

To the many friends, family, and associates around the world who believe in me, encourage me, share thoughts with me, and tolerate long periods of silence from methank you.

Everyone on the coaching team at Corporate Coaching International had a hand in this book, whether it be through support or actual contributions. I thank each of you, with a special acknowledgment to Dr. Pam Erhardt, Dr. Bruce Heller, Tom Henschel, and Susan Picascia, for so generously sharing your time and wisdom with me. You are not only colleagues but also dear friends.

Dr. Kim Finger, Tatum Barnett, and Majella Lue Suethank you not only for all your help with proofing and contributing ideas, but more importantly for giving me the gift of time to write. You ran CCI beautifully during my absencesI notice and appreciate it.

The many friends and clients of Corporate Coaching Internationalthank you for contributing anecdotes and examples of the mistakes women make that keep us from reaching our goals.

Bob Silversteinfinally, a literary agent I can trust! Thank you for so diligently representing me, coaching me, and offering your unique brand of friendship. Lets make more beautiful books together.

Diana Baroni and the staff at Warner Booksthank you for giving me the chance to write this book. I intend to keep the promise to take my act on the road and share this gift.

As an executive coach and corporate trainer, my success and reputation are dependent on people achieving their goals as a result of our work together. As one client said at the beginning of a coaching engagement, I want this to be more than a fond memory. I want a promotion. Whether its facilitating workshops at which women learn techniques for achieving their goals, coaching women one-on-one in these same areas, or having had a practice of psychotherapy devoted almost exclusively to workingwomen, Ive worked with literally thousands of women. Add leadership workshops where both men and women were present, and were talking about the opportunity to work with several thousand more people. This book is a composite of nearly twenty-five years experience as a coach, trainer, human resource professional, and psychotherapist. Its about the unique mistakes I see women make at work, the coaching suggestions I provide to help them take charge of their careers, and the ways in which women hold themselves back from achieving their full potential.

The mistakes described in each chapter are real, as are the accompanying examples (although the identities have been altered to maintain confidentiality). The coaching tips at the end of each section are identical to the ones I provide to women around the world. Many of these women later report that the suggestions helped them get promoted, hired, a raise, more respect from their management and peers, or the confidence needed to start their own businesses. I measure my own effectiveness through their success stories.

But you should know from the outsetthis book isnt for everyone. Many women have found ways to overcome the stereotypes they learned in childhood and act in empowered ways most of the time (its nearly impossible to act empowered all the time). Whether its by honing your own unique style of communication and behavior, or adopting and modifying more stereotypically masculine behaviors, you may be one of those women who is satisfied with the degree of professional success youve achieved. If thats you, you may find some additional tips in this book to help you further develop your unique style, but youve probably incorporated many of the coaching tips into your already successful repertoire. To you I say, You go, girl!

Other women may find theyve tried to do the same only to find theyre criticized by men and women alike for their strident or atypical behaviors. If you fall into this category, this book will seem the antithesis of all youve worked toward and, therefore, will be difficult for you to relate to. Not to worry, though. There are plenty of other books out there written just for you.

How do you know if this book will help you? Simple. First read through the following list of ten characteristics and check those that you can honestly say are typical of you most of the time:

_____Most people describe me as professional.

_____I have the reputation of being credible.

_____I am known for being assertive.

_____I have been told I am capable.

_____When I speak, others get the idea I am intelligent.

_____I am comfortable with being direct.

_____ My way of speaking causes others to describe me as articulate.

_____ I would say when it comes to the workplace, I am politically astute.

_____My middle name is self-confident.

_____ My actions illuminate that I know how to self-market.

If youve checked all ten items, its time for you to write your own book. On the other hand, if you checked only zero through seven items, this book was written with you in mind. Not only are these characteristics critical for success (for women and men), but I have also found that they are the development areas women most frequently address in their coaching engagements. The majority of women I coach dont have to work on all ten areas (although Ive known a few who do), but rather identify two or three as requiring development if they are to achieve their career goals.

During the writing process, I happened to discuss some of the concepts included in the book with a client Id been coaching for about six months. She said simply, Why dont you just tell them what you tell me? Quit bein a girl. I had to smile. My words came back to haunt me. She was right. Those are the precise words I have told women of all ages and stages in their careers for more than two decades. I said those words to my clients when I had my practice of psychotherapy and I said them even more when I started my work as an executive coach. After all, nice girls dont get the corner office.

From therapy rooms to conference rooms, for nearly twenty-five years I have listened to women tell stories of how they were overlooked for promotions and placated when they expressed their ideas. I observed women in hundreds of meetings. The thread common to those who were ignored was how they acted in and reacted to their situations. I could hear and see the ways in which they unknowingly undermined their credibility and sabotaged their own careers. No one had to do it for them.