Back in high school, I ran for senior class president. One aspect of the process required the candidates to give a speech to the student body on the day of the election. For obvious reasons, a copy of each speech was required to be submitted and approved beforehand. Lets just say I turned in an abbreviated blah - blah version of my speech.
My problem was, I wasnt the most qualified candidate as far as academic performance goes. I was only above average if you factored in my acne.
On the day of the speech, I arrived a little early and discreetly tucked a roll of toilet paper into the back of the podium and took my place.
When it came my turn to give my speech, I told the assembly that I struggled for weeks about what I wanted to say. Finally, the inspiration came to me, and I wrote it down on the closest thing to me, and I was proud to share my thoughts with them.
I pulled out the roll of toilet paper and begin to unravel it, letting it fall off the podium and roll down the front of the stage as I dramatically searched the two - plied paper for my missing speech.
I paused, and as I tossed a dismayed glance back at the other candidates, I claimed:
Hey! Some wise crack stole my speech.
The students howled with laughter, I got in trouble with the teachers, and at the end of the day, I won the election.
If there were such a moniker, I probably would also have been elected Most Likely to Write a Book about a Toilet, and here I am. You might be wondering why you are here. Good question. Lets talk.
Just a Guy Scrolling through Your Website, Thinking about a Toilet
If youre like most of the clients who show up to ROI Online, the online marketing agency I started, youre on the hunt. Youve been bombarded by salespeople telling you what your business needs in this modern era of marketingto get to the top of the results for a search phrase, to run the right social media ads, to run email campaigns and have keywords, and to fix your damned website already. You dont need convincing on any of those points, either. You know that what you have isnt moving the needle, which means it doesnt work, which means there must be some truth to what theyre telling you. So, you try it on your own or you hire someone to do it. Sometimes you even come to an agency like mine, or you pick up a book like this.
Actually, let me pause there. Theres not a book like this. Thats really why its in your hands. See, all of those voices telling you what you need are all trying to sell you something. I know, because thats what I used to do, too. I had a quota to meet, and to meet that quota I had to convince people to let us make their new website. But quotas are exactly what is wrong with the sales profession in general. Quotas inherently put salespeople at odds with the prospect. As a salesperson, if all Im focused on is meeting my quota, then Im not really interested if what Im selling is the best thing for my target or not. I just want to make my quota, collect my commission, and go party. But all of these great sounding solutions coming at you are someone elses quota. They arent you, the entrepreneur, which means they dont worry about the same things that worry you. Getting a yes from you moves their needle, regardless of what it does for you.
Whats worse is that most of these agency - based models use a pretty outdated method of marketing. Think about how life looked twenty years ago. We werent scrolling through our phones every day (or minute). We were barely scrolling the internet at that point. So advertising was about finding where people were, interrupting what they were doing, and making sure they knew about your great solution. Billboards, print ads, mailers, commercials, pop up adsit all worked for a while.
Fast forward to today, and everything in our world is designed to repel those interruptions. We will do everything we can to consume entertainment and information without interruption. (Honestly, not one person wants to have to answer their four - year - old when they ask daddy what a four - hour election is because the latest family flick blared out a Viagra commercial over dinnertime! Well sweetie its a way to pick a winner real fast. In fact, if the election lasts longer than four hours you call your doctor.) We are the generation that created Netflix, do - not - call lists, and spam filters. We are the generation that rejected old marketing models.
So why, as business owners, are you still expecting those outdated models you avoid in your personal life to be effective for your business?
This book is different because it isnt about me or my quota. Its about you. You picked up this book because you know in your gut that youve been flushing your marketing money away. And you are. Weve all been there. Heres the piece that you might not want to hear and the thing that I tell everyone who comes to ROI Online looking to appease the Google - bot salespeople who call every day telling them they need better SEO: you dont need a website.
Thats right. The last thing you need to invest in is yet another website rebuild. In fact, that fancy website of yours is nothing more than a beautiful, brand new, solid - gold toilet.
So lets talk about the title of this book. Did you make the same face my dad did when I told him what the title of this book was going to be? Seriously? What does a golden toilet have to do with how a progressive business owner should look at their online marketing challenge?
Im glad you asked.
What is Golden Toilet Money?
Golden toilet money is money wasted on something that doesnt improve the functionality or user experience. Its money that drug lords, rock stars, and Saudi Kings happily spend on absurd iconic things like solid gold toilets.
Who do you know would never ever buy a golden toilet even if they had the money to waste on something so absurd? Im betting its you. Most of the hard - working smart business people I know would never even consider wasting money on a golden toilet when they could be putting that money to good use in the rest of their house like in the kitchen, etc. And yet Ive seen many of those same smart business people make the mistake of throwing away good money on their website when they could have been putting that money to good use on tools and systems and getting more of what they really want, to grow their business better. They werent trying to be wasteful, they just didnt know exactly what they needed and why.
Well that stops now.
If you had more money than you knew what to do with, would you even consider buying a toilet made out of pure gold to put where everybody could see it and or use it? At least for those who this book is written to, Im pretty sure the answer would be hell no and Im offended you even asked . But heres the rub: most of you already feel youve spent an embarrassing amount of money on your website and have put it where everybody can see it. And whats worse, it didnt help your business like you hoped it would.
You feel frustrated, uncertain, and know it still needs something more. But youre not sure where or who to turn to, to avoid wasting your time and money like the last go around.