Caitlin M. Kiernan - Pretty sick: the beauty guide for women with cancer

It was gearing up to be one of the biggest events Life & Style Weekly magazine had ever held. The Kardashian Klan had RSVPd. So had all of Bravos Real Housewives, including NeNe Leakes, Countess Luann de Lesseps, and Ramona Singer. And the fashion worlds top stylistsincluding my friend Robert Verdiwere working the red carpet before it had even been rolled out. The Style Awards party was held to celebrate the magazines fall fashion issue that was dedicated to Hollywoods most influential trendsetters. Held on the rooftop of the Dream Hotel, the party coincided with New York Fashion Week and was one of the most buzzed about events of the season. E! News was there, so was Entertainment Tonight, the New York Post, the Daily Newsand a slew of other news organizations. It was set to be one of those magical New York nights.

As the magazines beauty director, I was responsible for writing and assigning all the beauty coverage in the magazine. It was also part of my job to report on the latest beauty trends, test new products on the market, and to interview celebrities, their glam squads, and the leading experts in the industry. Because of that, I had a hand in nominating and selecting the celebrities and influencers that were going to be featured in our special style issue. And when it came to the party, I helped get these influencers to attend. Not such an easy feat. But collectively, we pulled it off and the night had arrived without any major hitches.

Getting ready for the event was another story. By the night of the party, I was smack-dab in the middle of treatment for breast cancer. I had been diagnosed in July and by September I had already had several surgeries and two rounds of chemotherapy. While getting ready for a dressy event would normally take about an hour, now it took almost three. Chemo made my skin break out in hives and it required time and skills to hide them. Thankfully, I had years of beauty reporting under my belt so I knew how to apply foundation and concealer like a pro. My hair was another matter. I tried, several times, to curl it into sexy, beachy waves. But ever since I started losing clumps at a time, it tended to look limp and lifeless no matter what I did to it. After several frustrating attempts at styling, and close to tears, I pulled it up into a sleek topknot. I finished with a swipe of almost neon orange lipstick. I figured the bold shade, which was totally on trend, would help distract from any obvious signs of my sickness.

Once the doors opened, the room filled with the whos who of the fashion and beauty world. I sipped on a drink and started to work the room. I talked with Khlo Kardashian and Lamar Odom, and neither seemed to notice that I was in the middle of a major health crisis. Khlo complimented my lipstick and my Jimmy Choo heels while we talked about her visiting Lamars children in Brooklyn. Melissa Gorga and Cindy Barshop, two of Bravos Real Housewives, grabbed me for an impromptu picture in the photo booth that was rented for the event. After, as we looked at the ten-plus pictures we took, Melissa commented on my glowing skin and asked who my facialist was. My answer: I dont have one.

It was in that moment that I realized that nobody at the partyminus a few of my colleaguesknew I had cancer. I was standing among Hollywoods elite makeup artists, hairstylists, fashion stylists, talent scouts, agents, and celebritiespeople who are known for their looks or whose jobs it is to create a flawless aestheticand not one of them had a clue I was sick.

It wasnt because I had done such a stellar job applying my concealeralthough that did help. Nobody knew because I had my own notable glam squad helping me maintain my looks during cancer treatment. I had Ted Gibson telling me how to brush my thinning hair without pulling out any additional strands. I had Dr. Brian Kantor (the dentist for 50 Cent, the New York Knicks, and Penelope Cruz) keeping me stocked up on rinses to prevent the mouth sores chemo normally caused. And I had Elle Gerstein, JLos manicurist, giving me tips on how to keep my nails from falling out. For every physical feature that could possibly be affected by cancer treatment, I had an expert in that specialty on speed dial. And I called every one of them.