Kate T. Parker - The Heart of a Boy Celebrating theStrength and Spirit of Boyhood

the Heart of a Boy Celebrating the Strength and Spirit of Boyhood Kate T. Parker Workman Publishing New York This is for Mike, whose endless support and giant heart make everything possible. And for Mason, who kept asking where his book was, too. CONTENTS strengthIs something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength with other words like aggression and even violence. Real strength is neither male nor female; but it is, quite simply, one of the finest characteristics that a human being can possess.

Fred Rogers introduction The goal of my first photography project, Strong Is the New Pretty, was to explore and celebrate girls inner and outer strength. So when I first considered expanding its scope to include boys, I said, This isnt for me. Im a mom of girls. Still, I couldnt shake the thought, particularly after hearing from parents, grandparents, and the very girls who had responded to my images of confident, fearless, and inspirational females. Where are the boys? they wanted to know. In the end, however, it was the queries from boys that got to me: Wheres my book, Miss Kate? Dont you want to take my picture? When are you going to photograph me? I had originally thought that the only voices not being heard belonged to girls.

The boys? They were fine. We heard them loud and clear, right? But as I explored the idea further, my perspective shifted. I looked at my nephews. My friends sons. Their friends and their nephews and sons. My daughters boy friends (not boyfriends, not just yet).

Inclusion and acceptance are at the core of all my work, and the truth was, I was excluding a whole population based on my belief that our boys voices didnt need the amplification that our girls voices did. Me? Someone who is looking for fairness and inclusion all around? I hadnt seen it! But their voices did, and do, need to be heard, for different reasons and in different ways. Maybe there was a need for a book that did the same thing for boys that Strong Is the New Pretty aimed to do for girls. Maybe it was time to expand the definition of what it means to be a boy, too. I started photographing boys in an attempt to show the richness and diversity of boyhood. I believe that all of us should be granted the space to find our passion, our true self, our source of pride.

So, The Heart of a Boy was born, and the journey began. I traveled all around the country meeting amazing boys of all ages. They humbled and inspired me at every turn: quarterbacks, comic-book artists, talented singers and dancers, cancer survivors. Boys who aspire to be president, boys who would never allow a heart transplant to keep them from riding dirt bikes. Boys who know overwhelming physical and emotional pain, and yet greet each day with a smile. vulnerability, gentleness, kindness, compassion. vulnerability, gentleness, kindness, compassion.

I was moved by them, like I was moved by the boy who, seeing his own familys struggle, donated money to ensure that parents of babies in the NICU could eat for free during hospital stays. I was moved by all these boys, and by their energy, their confidence, their excitement, their innate boy-ness. As I delved into this project, I realized why this book and conversation are so very necessary. With my girls, I witnessed firsthand how society tries to shoehorn girls and women into a very narrow set of expectations. But, these days, thankfully, there are many books, articles, TV shows, and even merchandise available to guide my girls as they seek to find their voices. With boys, theres significantly less, even though our boys need this conversation.

Its time to discuss how to raise our sons to become good people, and to talk about defining masculinity in a way that is less narrow and limiting. We expect our boys to be strong, confident, and fearless; anything outside that norm is often viewed as feminine or unacceptable. You see this perpetuated in how we treat and raise our young men. The vulnerability, kindness, and softness that I so admired in the boys I was photographing arent generally applauded. In a world where phrases like man up, bro code, and boys dont cry are regularly portioned out in the direction of our sons, I wanted our boys to know that they didnt need to hide their gentler side. That just like our girls, who they are at their core is okayand even better than okay, it is something to be celebrated.

I attempted to capture boyhood in all its forms, from confident and wild to curious and kind. Just like Strong Is the New Pretty, this book aims to honor kids for who they are and help them understand that their value resides in how they treat others. Some boys are fearless, some are vulnerable. Some are quiet, some are wild; some are leaders, and some are thinkers. Some are all of these and more! They each have their own gifts and unique powers; we need to allow our young men the space to figure out what those are. We all want love and acceptance for who we are.

Its not a girl message or a boy message, its a human message. to me the definition of TRUE masculinity and FeminINity, too is being able To lIE in your own skin Comfortably. vincent Donofrio Chapter 1 The Heart is Vulnerable Society has conditioned us to perceive vulnerability as a bad thingthat its unsafe and weak, that it leaves you open. But, thats just it. The amazing thing about being vulnerable is that it does leave you open. Sure, it may open you up to criticism at times (which, as parents, is a hard thing to subject our kids to), but it also opens you (and us) to so many good things.

So many new things. So many amazing things. Being open means you get to try, feel, love, and experience things that you would not experience if your heart were closed. Look at , who is proud to own his past. In acknowledging their perceived weaknesses, they empower themselves. And yet rather than celebrate the strength it takes to open oneself up, society still looks at vulnerability as a weakness, especially in boys and young men.

As parents and teachers, as coaches and friends, we need to encourage our boys to take chances, be unstable, and try new things. Theyll learn what it means to succeed and fail, to live with uncertainty. It is in that space that compassion is born. Stephen Age 6 Catching pop flies is really hard right now. Im trying my best, but its really tricky. Jaice Age 7 When I get bored, I bite my nails.

When there are times when Im doing nothing, I try to do something. Jude Age 5 I have Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy, and it affects my muscles and makes it hard to move sometimes. Sometimes I cry when my body cant do things.... I get mad. Lots of people dont know about it so I explain it to them. I like to talk to people so they understand.

I like when people understand. Understanding is the most helpful thing. Will S. Age 12 Being strong to me means believing in yourself and not putting other people down.