Winters Ben H. - The complete worst-case scenario survival handbook: dating & sex

THE COMPLETE WORST-CASE SCENARIO Survival Handbook

MAN SKILLS

Survival Handbook

MAN SKILLS

By Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht, and Ben H. Winters

With contributions by Victoria De Silverio, Jim Grace, Sarah Jordan, Piers Marchant, Dan and Judy Ramsey, Sam Stall, and Jennifer Worick

Illustrations by Brenda Brown

When a life is imperiled or a dire situation is at hand, safe alternatives may not exist. To deal with the worst-case scenarios presented in this book, we highly recommendinsist, actuallythat the best course of action is to consult a professionally trained expert. But because highly trained professionals may not always be available when the safety or sanity of individuals is at risk, we have asked experts on various subjects to describe the techniques they might employ in these emergency situations. THE PUBLISHER, AUTHORS, AND EXPERTS DISCLAIM ANY LIABILITY from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. All the answers in this book come from experts in the situation at hand, but we do not guarantee that the information contained herein is complete, safe, or accurate, nor should it be considered a substitute for your good judgment or common sense. And finally, nothing in this book should be construed or interpreted to infringe on the rights of other persons or to violate criminal statutes; we urge you to obey all laws and respect all rights, including property rights, of others.

The Authors

No man is ever old enough to know better.

Holbrook Jackson

Being a man is a dangerous business. From the days of the Round Table, when chivalrous knights were always riding out to defend the honor of some maiden and ending up on the wrong end of a lance, we men have had our work cut out for us. The modern young gallant doesnt have it much easier: chained in his necktie and flat-front khaki trousers, he navigates a daily round of pitfalls, from nasty bosses to wicked sand traps to the searing flames leaping off the barbeque grill.

Then of course theres the greatest danger that man faces: woman. The presence of women in the lives of men causes no end of difficultiesfrom having to field questions like Do I look fat in this? to figuring out the best way to apologize when you dont exactly know what youve done wrong.

But women arent really the main problem. The main thing that gets us men into dangerous situations is, well, ourselves. Its the belief, cherished in the heart of every man in the worldsingle and married, young and oldthat he is James Bond. No amount of reality checking will convince a man that he is not, deep down, a dashing and glamorous super-genius involved in a series of top-secret adventures. And while most of us dont carry guns, we do have something in our pants that frequently gets us into foolhardy situations.

So, firm in his belief that he can handle any situation, the man puts way too much faith in his ability to, for example, find his way home without asking directions, or make a sandwich without looking up from the TV.

If you are a man, then you know youve heard yourself say these things:

Of course I know how to grill a steak.

Of course I can open a beer bottle without an opener.

Of course I can take that guy.

Now, at last, you really can do all those things youve always said you could. The eBook you now hold in your manly, hairy man hands will guide you through all the tests of manhood you can imagine, and plenty more besides.

In the pages that follow you will discover . Youll learn the right way to tie a tie, the smart way to handle a shaving accident, and a good way to spot fake boobs. And for those men whove entered into the most perilous situation of allfatherhoodyoull learn how to use pacifiers, calm teenagers, and chase off monsters under the bed.

So soldier on, brave man! With The Complete Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Man Skills, you will be ready for whatever danger the world throws at you next. Also, the book is pretty thick, so if you hold it up right, it might just keep that lance from piercing your breastbone.

The Authors

These instructions apply to small passenger propeller planes (not commercial airliners).

Take your place at the controls.

If the plane has dual controls, the pilot will be in the left seat. Sit on the right. If the plane has only one set of controls and the pilot is unconscious, remove the pilot from the pilots seat. Securely fasten your seat belt.

Put on the radio headset (if there is one) and call for help.

There will be a control button on the yoke (the planes steering wheel) or a CB-like microphone on the instrument panel. Depress the button to talk, release it to listen. Say Mayday! Mayday! and give your situation, destination, and plane call numbers (which should be printed on the top of the instrument panel). If you get no response, try again on the emergency channel, 121.5. The person on the other end should be able to talk you through proper landing procedures. If you cannot reach someone to talk you through the landing process, you will have to do it alone.

L-R, Clockwise:airspeed indicator, heading, altimeter, fuel gauge, landing gear, throttle, yoke

Get your bearings and identify the instruments.

YOKE. This is the steering wheel, and it should be in front of you. The yoke turns the plane and controls its pitch. Pull back on the column to bring the nose up, push forward to point it down. Turn it left to turn the plane left, turn it right to turn the plane right. The yoke is very sensitivemove it only an inch or two in either direction to turn the plane. While cruising, the nose of the plane should be about three inches below the horizon.

ALTIMETER. This is the most important instrument, at least initially. It is often a black-faced dial in the middle of the panel with white hands and numerals, with zero at the top. The small hand indicates feet above sea level in thousand-foot increments, the large hand in hundreds.

HEADING.