Walsh - Disco Pigs & Sucking Dublin

Enda Walsh

DISCO PIGS
&
SUCKING DUBLIN

Two plays

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

To my parents. A special thank you to Pat Kiernan .

DISCO PIGS

Characters

PIG

RUNT

Disco Pigs was first staged in September 1996 at the Triskel Arts Centre in Cork by the Corcadorca Theatre Company and subsequently at the 1996 Dublin Theatre Festival. It was given its UK premiere at the Traverse Theatre, Edinburgh on 7 August 1997. The cast was as follows:

Disco Pigs was workshopped for a week prior to rehearsals.

Lights flick on . PIG ( male ) and RUNT ( female). They mimic the sound of an ambulance like a child would, bee baa bee baa bee baa!!. They also mimic the sound a pregnant woman in labour makes. They say things like is all righ miss, ya doin fine, luv, dis da furs is it?, is a very fast bee baa, all righ. Have a class a water! Sound of door slamming. Sound of heartbeats throughout .

RUNT. Out of the way!! Jesus out of the way!

PIG. Scream da fat nurse wid da gloopy face!

RUNT. Da two mams squealin on da trollies dat go speedin down da ward. Oud da fookin way!

PIG. My mam she own a liddle ting, look, an dis da furs liddle baba! She heave an rip all insie!! Hol on mam!!

RUNT. My mam she hol in da pain! She noel her pain too well! She been ta hell an bac my mam!

PIG. Day trips an all!

RUNT. Da stupid cow!!

PIG. Holy Jesus help me!!

RUNT. Scream da Pig mam! Her face like a christmas pud all sweaty an steamy! Da two trollies like a big choo choo it clear all infron! Oudda da fookin way cant jaaaaa!!

PIG. Da two das dey run the fast race speedin behine!

RUNT. Holy Jesus keep her safe. Holy Jesus keep her safe!

PIG. Mamble my dad wid a liddle mammy tear in da eye! Im da liddle baba cummin oud, dada, Im yer liddle baba racer!!!

RUNT. Da trollie dey go on

PIG. an on

RUNT. an on

PIG. an on

RUNT. an on

PIG. an on

RUNT. an on

PIG. an on!

RUNT. My mam she suck in da pain, grobble it up an sweat it oud til da liddle skimpy nighty itgo,

PIG. black wet black.

RUNT. Two gold fishys oudda da bowl!!!

PIG. A gasp gaspin! Im ja liddle baba commin out! Open up ja big fanny!

RUNT. Trollie stop!

PIG. An leg open!

RUNT. Da fatty nurse schlap on with the rubbery glubs! stop! An leg open! Da two fat sous pooshhh an poooshh ta spit da babas oud!!

PIG. Push girls push!!

RUNT. Scream da das oudsize!

PIG. Scream da das oudsize!

RUNT. My da he wan fur his din dins real fas, yeah!

PIG. Take your time love!

RUNT. He say, stopwadch in han! Da fannys dey look like donna kebabs!

PIG. Bud looka da liddle baba heads!

RUNT. Pooosh da baba poosh da head!!PIG. Pooshh mam poosh!! Poosh da Pig

RUNT. An Poosh da Runt! She wan oud mama!

PIG. An he wan oud, ta dada!

RUNT. Pooosh sous pooosh!!

PIG. We da liddle born babas!

PIG & RUNT: Pooosshhhhhh!

Silence. We then hear the sounds of babies crying. Music .

RUNT. An it wuz.

PIG. Nineteen

RUNT. Seventy-nine.

PIG. An da liddle baby beebas a Pork Sity take da furs bread inta da whirl.

RUNT. Da hop-i-da-hill all Bambi an Thumper!

PIG. Hey looka da liddle bunny, baby!

RUNT. An looka da nursey face, is sall rosey like a buuk full a roses!

PIG. An da two liddle babas all wrappt in pooder, ka nice smell pooder!

RUNT. My mams nighty pink!

PIG. An my mams nighty pink!!

RUNT. An my mam she pain no more! Sorta happy wid wat she fart out.

PIG. Bud my mam she cry all blubbery wid dad sittin on da bed flickin thru da Echo!

RUNT. Yeah, Pork sity was luvly amay bak den.

RUNT. Da peeplah dey really nice. Dey say,

PIG. Shes a lovely little thing!

RUNT. Goo ga goo!

PIG. Look the little button nose!

RUNT. Ahhh gaga ga!

PIG. And the fingernails, ahhh look!

RUNT. Goo gee gee!

PIG. Shes happy in that pram.

RUNT. Gaa gee goo goo!

PIG. She looks just like her mam.

RUNT. Fuck off ja!

PIG. Nell may bak den an me an she weez take a furs bread inta da whirl. A bobbly baby-boots girl she

RUNT. Runt! An a fat fatty fatso fart by da name a

PIG. Pig! But fatty no more! As ja can say, Slimfast fans!

RUNT. Oud we bounce inta a whirl of grey happiness!

PIG. We wa beautiful amay bak den!

RUNT. Jar beautiful! Jar beautiful, Pig!

PIG. Beg yer pardon, pal! Jar beautiful! Jar beautiful! Da liddle baby babbies a Pork Sity!

RUNT. Sa tell em who was furs sa!

PIG. Runt a cause!

RUNT. Tell em who was secon sa, saucey!

PIG. The Pig!

RUNT. Owney one sec tween da girl an da boy! An us no brudder or sis or anyth!

PIG. Fuckin amaz-zing, man! ( Pause .) Les go Marbyke, yeah!

RUNT. Righ so!

PIG. Race ya!

PIG and RUNT run racing each other. Sounds of heavy breathing . RUNT stops and looks at PIG continue .

RUNT. So off we go! Zoomin as always! Pigs a real fass! Down da Marbyke Bark we go war dem mens an womens do da race an all. I wadch da Pig race an he run really really fass aboud da trak, yeah. Sonia O Sullivan tinks Pig migh be da superstar star!

PIG. Ya noel ol Sonja... dem light weight running vests aand panties mean no-ting when ya got the finish line in sites! Ya gotta believe girl... without that yer fuck all! ( To RUNT.) Les go my place.

RUNT. Me da runnin don matter dat much! But see whadda Pig wear? I choose dem! Splendid! I one step ahead in dat race, race fans! Fashion my life. Was goin down downtown, righ in da bum hole a Pork Sity, sall import ta me, yeah! I noel betta den mos fox down French Crotch Street! Pig, he nee da big big elp, dat fella. Withoud Runt poor Pig look like da sausies withoud da skin. Crap!

PIG. Is a hippyidy happidy birrday for my pal Runt n me!

RUNT. Happy birrday, to you.

PIG. Happy birrday to you, pal too! 17, hah?

RUNT. 17 yeah! Pig?

PIG. Yes oh ligh a my life, my liddle choccy dip!

RUNT. Wa colours love, Pig?

PIG. Love? Don no! Wa sorra love, love?

RUNT. Don no!

PIG. Hoy Mam! Way da din dins! Way da sausies an da saucey, hey mam! Schlap it there la!!

PIG and RUNT eat. We hear the sounds of them eating mixed with them oinking. They stop .

RUNT: Las get righly gone, ya on! Cider back a da bed yeah?

PIG. Up up up up up up up up up up!

RUNT. Down da gob an grab da lot! Up for it are ya?

PIG. A hippidy happidy in it?

RUNT. Les go!

PIG. Race ya so!

RUNT. Ah fook yes!!

PIG and RUNT drink. It is a race . PIG breaks off and goes to the toilet. Sound of pissing .

PIG. Good, int she? Gallon by gallon deep we go! A buddel a riders an awful ting, yeah, but hey, an wad da fuck! Da ting it works! Inta da skull like ka lawn mower it mix me an Runt all aboud! Two fishys a swillin it back a swillin it back a swillin it back... down da belly an oud da spout! Ders me dad a decoraten per use-jew-al. Give it up will ya! get a job, ja langer!

RUNT. Hey, Pig man!

PIG. Hey luvvy! Dis roam is it all! Da ress a da house is par shitheads an wankers! Dis roam is my kingdom! Pig da king! My bed da trone... da clodes dat Runt did make... sacred! Me an Runt... brudder and sis bud much maw, drama fans! We jar it! We fuckin jar ya know! Excuse me but odders are weak, yeah... like spa children ja drown in da river, I drown my mam an dad now ! If dad no so busy wid da wallpaper a cause! Da faggot, scone head!