Dave Dunseath - No, You Cant

2005 by Dave Dunseath.

Originally published under the title Aim Low: Quit Often, Expect the Worst, and Other Good Advice.

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Published by HarperCollins Leadership, an imprint of HarperCollins Focus LLC.

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ISBN 978-1-4041-1004-5 (SC)

ISBN 978-1-4041-1005-2 (eBook)

Epub Edition February 2020 9781404110052

Printed in the United States of America

05 06 07 08 09 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

TO MY PARENTS,

for always smiling and nodding

every time I told them my writing

career was going well

If at first you dont succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. Theres no use in being a damn fool about it.

W. C. FIELDS

contents

A million and one thank-yous should be divided equally amongst the following people who deemed my scribblings worthy of real estate in a bookstore: Bryan Curtis, Pamela Clements, Jennifer Greenstein, Laura Troup, Ashley Earnhardt-Aiken, Stacy Clark, Damon Reiss, Ty Powers, and Stephanie Newton.

Last, but certainly not least, my heartfelt thanks to June Johnson, Pamela Clementss mom, without whom this book may never have seen the light of day. Through her laughter, a dream came true for me.

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

RONNIE SHAKES

I hate book intros. Its like waiting in line for the amusement park to open. Why the park was built and who inspired it are of no interest to me when Im fixated on the giant roller coaster just beyond the gate. Besides, if a book is well written, I dont think it needs an intro.

So I wrote an intro. I wrote it because its the law. Its an unwritten lawbut it is the law nonetheless. Like having to wait in long lines at the amusement park. So if youre already bored, feel free to hop the gate and make a mad dash for the coaster.

In the meantime, how about a quick game of What If? What if I handed you a book right now called Walking on Your Hands Is Funwould you want to read it? What if you found a book at a yard sale called Hand Walking for Dummieswould you buy it? What if I gave you tickets to a two-day seminar called Standing on Your Own Two Handswould you go?

Noyou wouldnt. You wouldnt because learning how to walk on your hands is ridiculous. Its unnatural. Try it and in five seconds youd be playing a different game called Whats the Point? Simply put, walking on your hands is a behavior contrary to your normal state of being.

Yet how many of todays bestselling books attempt to change you or inspire you to think, act, or do things contrary to your normal behavior? They are the teachings of shameless profiteers preaching the gospels of discipline, motivation, and achieving goals. All that really means is these authors will gladly share with youfor a profittheir alleged formulas for success. Success is just a fancy word for winning. And winning, for most of us, is about as natural as walking around on our hands.

The message, of course, is that winning is good and losing is bad. The authors of these books want us to believe that anyone can be a winner. Meanwhile, those of us working for companies that buy into this propaganda are sent away to be brainwashed and mentally tortured in sunless chambers called motivational seminars.

If losing is actually something everybody does normallythat is to say, if more people tend to finish between second and last placethen it seems to me we should be celebrating entire lives spent in vain, torment, and frustration. It is our nature to lose. For rarely, if ever, are we winners.

So, are you a loser? What does it mean if you are?

It means you were invited to lifes big banquet and ended up working the drive-thru. It means youve been filling your head with lies, starting your days with sayings such as Youre a winner! or Yes, you can! when you know you cant or you would have by now. Ive found the later you get up in the day, the less often youll lie to yourself about how unique and brilliant and successful youre going to be.

Loser implies many things. But all it really means is that youre good at doing just one thingnot winning.

Let me say that again: being a loser doesnt necessarily mean youre a failure. It just means youre not a winner. And because you do not win a heck of a lot more than you do win, it stands to reason that youre either on the verge of losing or youre already busy taking orders at the drive-thru. By the way, working the drive-thru does not make you a loser. Pretending the new guy on fries is below you does.

Now, once in a great while, despite your efforts, you will win. You will. Its the law of averages, and thats one law a loser knows a thing or two about. Though on those rare occasions when you do win, its likely your victory had more to do with everyone else not winning. Remember, winning is always the exception. It cant last and it wont last. Winning cannot be repeated at will. It is not a habit. Losing is a habit because losing fits the three characteristics that define what a habit is: you do it all the time, you do it without thinking about it, and you know youre going to do it even before you do it.

Losing is truly the one thing we rarely fail at succeeding in. In fact, in any competition, if you didnt finish first, guess whatyou didnt finish second. You lost, my friend.

What is second place? Second place is merely the highest point a loser can reach. And since youve got a pretty good track record of always coming in somewhere other than first, why not start aiming for targets you already know you can hit?

Thats what this book is about. You should never be disappointed about coming in secondor fourth or even ninthif you werent expecting to come in first anyway.

Coming up short in life is as easy as breathing. You can practically do it without thinking. And all the skills required to get therelike cheating or making excuses or even quittingtake less time to learn than you might imagine. A whole lot less. All you really need is a little bit of effort and a very small amount of know-how. In fact, your expectations can go so low that anything you do achieve is completely surprising. And when youre good, thats always good enough.

But up until now, where could you find great advice like this? There are no books in the library entitled Losing for Dummies. Dont bother checking the phone book for a Losers Anonymous meeting. And dont ask anyone at an Amway convention what being a loser isthey dont know the meaning of the word.

You know, as far back as I can remember, I was fooled into believing the impossible. When I was four, I believed in Santa Claus. When I was ten, I thought I could jump off the roof and fly. But does knowing the truth about Santa diminish my love of Christmas? Did a separated shoulder inspire me to jump from higher rooftops? Not really. Now my lack of believing and total lack of discipline spare me from inevitable failures and disappointing outcomes.