Acknowledgments
I have the deepest gratitude for the opportunities and for all the people who helped me to bring this book into the world.
First and foremost, I want to thank my biological family
To my mom, who was my first teacher, editor, and cheerleader. Thank you for your countless nights of coaching and singing showtunes and loving me unconditionally.
To my dad (Pops), who taught me the love of nature and writing and dreaming. Thank you for loving me not in spite of, but because of, my imperfections.
To my sister, for the years of spinning the spotlight to shine on me and being the wind on which I continue to soar. Thank you for allowing me to fly baby fly.
To David, for your music that I spent nights writing to, your bravery and the reckless abandon with which you embrace all that life has to offer. Thank you for showing me that art is everywhere.
To Warren for your warmth and care of all those you encounter.
To Penny for your passion and advocacy and always being in my corner.
To Cheryl for keeping the family quilted together even when we are physically distant.
To David and Laura, for your unyielding generosity, open arms, and dedication to fighting a bigger common enemy (T1D).
To Craig and Elly, for keeping me healthy, fed, and energized even when my crow experiments were growing in your fridge.
To Oma, for letting me call you Oma, Zoom cocktails, and for empowering women (and being an empowered woman) long before it was cool.
To Gma Sandy, for her advocacy, strength, and care.
To Lexi, Cam, Dallas, Kristi (Chance and Paxton), for belly laughs and giving me hope for the next generation.
To my cousins, Molly (Ethan), Alex (Melissa), Nathan, Corey, and their children (Matilda and Hayes). I could not have picked better playmates, card sharks, and confidants.
To my grandparents. I miss you every single day.
To Kim whose eyerolls and laughter I still see and hear in my world daily.
To my chosen family
Dermot, you are the love of my life. Thank you for your calm, your patience, and your enduring steady support. You embody the courage, wisdom, and integrity you value. T gr agam duit i gcna.
Connor and Jack, for the debates, discussions, dinners, and keeping your dad sane (for the most part), thank you. Its an honor to be in your life.
Ann and Ian, thank you for accepting me and reminding me to always pause and enjoy the music of a great live concert.
Jenny, my beloved, thank you for rays of thumbs, music, fire, tears, Bird dog days, ceilings, singing, oatmeal mornings, and wine-rich evenings. My life with you is a poem that keeps writing itself and one I never want to finish reading. (Oh, and thank you for all of the countless early edits!)
Shane and Allaine, thank you, thank you, thank you (3x). Allaine, when I grow up, I aspire to have your humor, zest for life, and easygoing kindness. Shane, you are more than you know, and will forever be. Keep that hippie vibe... gurl. Boop.
Patti and Stuart, thank you for sheltering me when I had nowhere to turn. For taking me in, putting me back on my feet, reinvigorating me with purpose, and loving this wayward stranger.
Eileen and Vicki, thank you for teaching me to read, to write, but mostly to love. The two of you have inspired me far beyond any second- or third-grade classroom. Thank you for always believing in me.
And to all of my former students: You all have taught me far more than I was ever able to teach you. The gift of being your teacher has been one of the great honors of my life.
Finally, to those who have poured countless hours directly into making this book a reality
Lucinda Halpern, thank you so much for championing me and this book. To the entire team at Lucinda Literary (especially Connor Eck)thank you for taking a chance on the unknown kid. I am forever indebted to you.
The incredible editorial consulting of Lisa Sweeting-ham. I still dont know how you did it, but you found a way to reach into my brain and put the ideas to page in ways my mind would never allow. Thank you for helping my voice translate to something so much stronger than anything I could have produced on my own.
The gurus and experts at Book Highlight, especially Mat Miller and Peter Knox for holding my hand and helping this book reach the right audiences. Your attention at all hours of the day and night made me feel like I was your only client. Thanks for making the Friday phone call always a happy one!
And last but certainly not least, thank you to Denise Silvestro and the entire team at Kensington Books for elevating this non-expert first-timer, and graciously helping me navigate the process of publication. It has been a true privilege. To production editor Arthur Maisel, Susan Higgins, my copyeditor, and designer Rachel Reiss, thank you for your care and attention to detail that allowed this book to be interpreted in its most meaningful way. Thanks also to Kristine Noble, the art director, for putting her heart into the cover design and making the jacket pop (and working with the most stubborn of criticsme!). And a huge thank-you to Ann Pryor, marketing director, for helping this book reach the hands of its audience.
CONCLUSION
Becoming Fear(less)
A student once asked his Zen master, Why would the Japanese make such delicate and thin teacups? They break far too easily. The master replied, Its not that theyre too delicate, but that you dont know how to handle them. You must adjust yourself to the environment, and not vice versa. (From To Shine One Corner of the World: Moments with Shunryu SuzukiStories of a Zen Teacher Told by His Students, edited by David Chadwick.)
I N MANY WAYS, HUMANS HAVE reshaped our environments to better suit our needs (air-conditioning, cars, grocery stores). Yet our brains are indeed delicate teacups in the crushing maw of the modern world in which we live. We dont want to cease the technological and cultural progress that has shaped our society to be so advanced, but we must find ways to more delicately handle the teacup brains we have brought along for the ride.Without a focused and conscious intervention, instincts that once resolved our greatest issues will, in our modern lives, continue to disrupt our productivity and happiness. But it doesnt have to be that way. We all have the power to intervene and rewire our instincts.
My father was a minister for most of his life. While I remember very little about my time spent in the hard church pews, I do remember one particular Sunday sermon. Dad stood in front of his congregation with a bottle full of water. He uncapped it and began shaking the bottle violently, water splashing everywhere. My eyes widened. I remember thinking that things at church had suddenly gotten very interesting.
My father then asked his congregation what I thought was a deceptively simple question: Why does the water spill out? As he stood there at the front, still shaking the nearly empty bottle, he answered that water spilled out because it was water that was inside. What spills out of you? he continued. When life shakes you, which it inevitably will, what will spill out?
I believe that the answer for most of us is instincts . Instincts spill out in the form of fear, biases, deceptions, stories, and behaviors we wouldnt consciously want to be exhibiting and acting on. If we dont take the time (which each of us does have), to begin intervening in our own instincts, we arent being the fully conscious, capable humans that we are meant to be.
