Haley Pierson-Cox - Improper Cross-Stitch

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For my husband,
who never thinks
its strange
that sometimes my job
is stitching swears.

Like most things worth doing in the world of DIY, this book came about as the result of a ton of good, creative fun, hard work, and lots of support and pom-pom waving from my A+ collection of family, friends, and crafty coconspirators (and one very cranky Simon cat).

So, first, Id like to thank my husband, Jeremy Cox, whose curiosity, drive to keep making and keep learning, and absolute belief in the value of creative work is a constant source of inspiration.

Id like to thank my family, and especially my parents, for their unflinching belief that I can and will do anything that I put my mind to, which has long served as the foundation on which Ive built my creative career.

Id also like to thank my friends (especially my BFF, Melanie Sanders), who cheerfully and relentlessly asked me for book-related progress updates every single time they saw me, even when I was a total stressball. My friends really are the best!

A special thank-you goes out to Becky Stern, who braved the horrors of metallic thread to stitch the Not a Dirty Word pattern, which is the only project in the book that I didnt stitch myself.

Thank-yous are also owed to my publisher and the production and marketing teams that worked to get this book into the hands of stitchersparticularly to Lizzie Poteet, who was this books first editor, and whose sense of humor and love of cross-stitch is largely the reason that the book exists. Thanks, too, to the books editor, Hannah Braaten, who got it immediately.

Finally, Id to thank my sweet Pixel cat, who passed away from cancer while I was writing this book, for providing all of the snuggles and purrs a girl could ever ask for. I love you, Cat Alarm. Rest in peace.

In all my years of crafting, Ive learned many things, but this simple fact remains one of the most important: There is absolutely nothing in this world quite so satisfying as enshrining something deeply inappropriate within the delicate threads of a cross-stitch sampler. Its truly one of lifes great delights!

Now, perhaps the very idea of cross-stitch conjures up images of saccharine verses displayed in quaint bedoilied hellscapes, and youre suddenly wondering what youre doing here. Dont worry. I can assure you this is not that kind of book. Despite what many a disgruntled historical romance heroine may have led you to believe, needlework doesnt have to be boring or torturous. (If it is, youre probably just stitching the wrong kinds of designs. Put down your needle and step away from the geese in bonnets!) Instead, Id like to show you how needlework can be a relaxing, fun, and surprisingly badass way to spend your downtime.

In this book, Ill introduce you to the joys of stitching the naughty, the profane, the irreverent, and the just plain awesome. And itll be really fun, I promise! First, well start with a basic lesson in cross-stitch technique, no previous experience required. Then, once you know your way around an embroidery hoop and a skein of floss, well move on to the designsthirty-two in total, ranging from hip to nerdy to ironically domesticwhere you can embrace your inner snark with gleeful abandon. Finally, once youre an old pro with the needle, well wrap things up with three complete alphabets and a chart-your-own how-to, which you can use to customize the patterns in the book or to create original designs of your own!

One of my favorite things about stitching for my own personal pleasure is that its all about doing whatever the hell I want simply because I feel like doing it, and Im so excited to be able share some of that crafty freedom with you! Maybe you feel like dropping an F-bomb in the middle of an intricately designed flower scene? Or waxing poetic about bespectacled beauties? Or maybe youve discovered that the wall above your desk is suffering from a distressing lack of sarcasm? Whatever the reason, I think youll find that within the orderly grid of the humble cross-stitch lies endless opportunity for creativity and misbehavior!

For the designs in this book, I used DMC cotton embroidery floss and DMC Light Effects metallic embroidery floss. In the color key included with each pattern, youll find the DMC color codes for the specific colors that I used for the project.

When examining a skein of embroidery floss, youll notice that each length can be separated into six individual strands of floss. (This is true for most brands of embroidery floss, not just DMC.) For the projects in this book, I used two or three strands at a time.

Tip: Increasing the number of embroidery floss strands can make for a bolder, more textured look, but you should always add strands with cautiontoo many can make your project less crisp, make stitching harder, or even distort your fabric. Decreasing the number of strands can be helpful when stitching finer details.

Cross-stitch is generally worked with a tapestry needle, which has a blunt tip that slides easily through the holes in Aida cloth fabric and protects your fingers from unnecessary pokes. Tapestry needles also have a large eye that makes it easier to thread your needle with multiple strands of embroidery floss.

For size 14 Aida cloth (see the fabric section on page 4), youll want to use a size 24 tapestry needle.

Cross-stitch can be done on many different kinds of fabrics, but in this book well be using size 14 Aida cloth, which is a gridded cotton fabric made for cross-stitching that has fourteen squares per inch.

Why Aida cloth? Cross-stitch is easiest when its done on an even-weave fabric that provides a nice square grid for the stitches. One of the most common fabrics used is Aida cloth, which is an open-weave, even-weave fabric, which means that, in addition to the fabric being woven in a way that creates a nice regular grid, small holes are also visible where the warp threads and weft threads cross (thats what makes it open weave). These tiny holes are perfect for stitching.