Tracey Cox - Great Sex Starts At 50 : How to Age-Proof Your Libido.

Published in 2020 by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin

Copyright Tracey Cox 2020

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ISBN 978 1 76052 472 2 Australia

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The purchaser of this book understands that the information contained within is not intended to replace one-to-one medical advice. It is understood that you will seek full medical clearance by a licensed physician before making any changes mentioned in this book. The author and publisher claim no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application or interpretation of the material in this book.

To my husband Miles, my everything

Asked to conjure up an image of a middle-aged woman 20 years ago, most would picture a permed, stout female in sensible shoes, pottering about in the garden. Look up Jennifer Lopezwho just turned 50and youll see things have changed. My God, have they changed! Fifty-plus looks nothing like it used to.

We have powerful female role models other generations never had: ageless beauties like Helen Mirren, the vivacious Dawn French, nutty old Madonna still wearing her fishnets, Christine Lagarde, Annie Leibovitz, Annie Lennox, Isabelle Huppert, Jennifer Doudna and Michelle Obama. None of these women got the memo that youre meant to become sexless, invisible and dull when you hit half a century.

Were different than our mothers when it comes to sex, as well. Were better educated than ever before. Were aware of the benefits of testosterone supplements, and know that Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) will keep our sex organs in good nick, as well as our moods stable. We exercise more, do yoga and Pilates, eat better, feel and dress younger.

As a society, were much more open about things like the menopause, andlove it or loathe itthere is absolutely no doubt that Fifty Shades of Grey had a massive impact on middle-aged women, reminding us of how good sex used to be when it was interesting rather than routine and repetitive. Your kids might look disgusted at the thought that youre still at it, but some older women are having more sex, and more satisfying sex, than ever before.

And yet if it was all plain sailing, there would be no reason for me to write this book, would there? Something happens to us sexually at 50. Our desire for sex plummets. Low desire is the most common sex issue affecting older peopleand its twice as common in women. Lots of couples dont talk about dwindling desire, where any type of physical intimacy starts to feel awkward and, without acknowledgement, all affection stops and couples drift apart. There are a lot of older people flatlining and freefalling towards a sexless futureand panicking about it.

Its not that were all just lazy buggers, either. Even if 50 is the new 35, our bodies are still changing. The menopause brings with it a whole set of challenges, from painful sex and dry vaginas to bottomed-out libidos and body-image issues. Meanwhile, many men worry about penises that dont perform like they used to, suffering a crisis of confidence as they grapple with erectile dysfunction and the mixed blessing that is Viagra. Toss in such pedestrian ageing realities as dodgy knees, stiff backs, arthritis and unwanted sexual side effects from common post-50 medications, and sex can become a source of stress rather than pleasure.

Other challenges go beyond the physical: is it possible to reignite desire after decades with the same person? What do you do when you love your partner desperately but no longer want to have sex with them? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship if there is no sex? And how do you cope with the mess thats left when infidelity visits?

Happily, information and enthusiasm are all it takes to work through a lot of these issues and reclaim a robust sex life. Why bother? Sex isnt just for fun; it keeps us healthy as well. Its great for the immune system, our hearts and muscle strength. One study found the death rate halved for middle-aged men who reported the highest number of orgasms. Research also shows that sex helps to reduce blood pressure, lower stress, lift our mood and even improve our memory. Regular orgasms are crucial for both our emotional and physical wellbeing; they help us sleep, make us feel more relaxed and release endorphins that make us feel lighthearted. Its undeniable: theres a strong correlation between sexual intimacy and a sense of wellbeing for people of all ages.

This book isnt about trying to stay youngeither in attitude or physicality. Its not about desperately trying to turn back the clock. Its about empowering you with information and practical solutions so you can be the best version of yourself, able to enjoy your relationships, whatever situation youre in, inspired and ready to live the second half of your life as happily as the first.

We are all unique and Ive written this book with all of you in mind, whether youre in a long-term relationship, newly single, happily settled for life or somewhere in between. Its for everyone on the sexuality spectrumstraight, bisexual, lesbians, women who love sex, women who dread sex and women whove never quite got what all the fuss was about. Most of all, its for women who once loved sex but have lost enthusiasm due to the ageing process. Ive aimed this book at women, but its designed to be shared with your partnermale or femaleso both of you can benefit.

I interviewed hundreds of women aged 45 to 80 for this book, and their stories both uplifted me and broke my heart. Some are having great sex, others have decided not to have sex at all. More than a few grit their teeth to do the deed. One woman had her first orgasm at 45; another had hers at 17 and continues to have them, with the same person, in her seventies. Theres something to be learned from all of these women, and youll find their case histories and quotes scattered throughout the book.

Im 57 and this is my seventeenth book on sex and relationships. My first was called Hot Sex: How to Do It, published 20 years ago. Maybe you read it and have gotten older with me. It became one of the bestselling books of its time, selling over 1 million copies worldwide and translated into more than 20 languages. (Its still on sale now.) Hot Sex was one of the first sex books to offer practical, step-by-step advice that was tried and tested and non-judgemental. It tells you everything you need to know to have great sex under the age of 50. Until you hit 50 yourself, you have no idea that sex is a totally different ballgame in the second half-century.